Lick It Up 3 (3rd Degree) Review

Having not seen volumes one and two I was concerned that I may not understand the plot of Lick It Up 3. What is the subtext? What exactly is being licked and who is licking it? And why? Lisa Ann, who once featured in this reviewer's shamefully deviant fantasies, retired from porn a number of years ago, but now returns. In this, and in many other recently released DVDs, she shows a new generation of porn fans why the previous generation got turned on to porn in the first place. Maybe she can be the masturbatory touchstone for both twenty- and thirty-somethings. Kind of like how our fathers and grandfathers both jerked off to Ann Margaret.

Not surprisingly, this DVD raises multiple questions:

What exactly is being licked and who is licking it? And why?

The titular "It" to which you are referring is male ejaculate. Licking it are Tiffany Rayne, Jenna Presley, Katrina Isis, Tyler Faith and the aforementioned Lisa Ann. As in most wall-to-wall sex videos there isn't much in the way of setup between scenes, but what ties them together is that each one ends with the girl licking the guy's cum off of something else: her hands, a mirror, a glass table. Whereas many other videos fetishize tits or asses, this one puts cum on a pedestal.

Please tell me what each girl does in graphic detail, paying special attention to those acts that turn me on the most.

That can be a little tough. One neither has the time nor energy to give that kind of play by play, but for those who feel their money has been wasted if their proclivities go unprovoked, know this: Katrina Isis and Tiffany Rayne take it in the ass; Lisa Ann, Jenna Presley and Tyler Faith do not. None require condoms and all lick the insides of their vaginas off the outside of their partner's dicks.

Only two anal scenes? Why don't girls like getting fucked in the ass as much as I like watching them get fucked in the ass?

Admittedly, there's a lot I don't know about women. I don't know why they think Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty, why some have sex with Wilmer Valderrama, or how other manage to smell faintly of strawberries when they come out of the bathroom in the morning. But I'm fairly certain that the aversion to anal sex has a lot to do with the fact that it depends so heavily on getting your asshole violated by somebody's giant, unforgiving cock.

Is that to say that those in this movie who do take it in the ass do so with a sense of dread?

No, not at all. Tiffany Rayne approaches sodomy with the same enthusiasm I approach an all-you-can-eat casino buffet. In one of the disc's bonus features she spends time before shooting a scene by fucking her own ass with a vibrator for the solely apparent reason that it brings her joy.

Oh yeah, what about the bonus features? Anything good here?

Yeah. I liked the bonus features quite a bit. And you want to know something? Good behind the scenes features make a good DVD great. In fact, good behind the scenes features make a bad DVD bearable. When you see a girl as pretty as Tiffany Rayne fuck her own ass with a big pink dildo while being interviewed, you have to believe she's answering her questions truthfully. I mean, once you've shown the world the inside of your colon, what do you have to hide? And while so much of today's porn is propped up by freak show theatrics, it's always nice to see what people look like when they're fucking and not performing.

Where would you put Mike Tyson on your list of all time heavyweight champions?

He'd be way down the list. Not Duane Bobick low, but certainly not in the top ten.

In the preamble to this little gimmicky frequently asked questions thing you've got going on, you claime a long standing bias toward Lisa Ann. Please explain your interest in this girl and how she either met, or disappointed, your expectations.

I saw Lisa Ann in a VHS tape years ago and was immediately smitten. I often claim to not have a type when it comes to favorite porn stars, but if I did, I think she'd be it. I really like that short, stacked, tan, womanly ass, big tit look. Of course, I reserve the right to masturbate to tall, lanky, pale-skinned girls in the future (just not Gwyneth Paltrow). But a woman with those kinds of curves usually doesn't have a waist that narrow, or a stomach that flat. She's held up beautifully. She's really quite stunning still, and has nothing even close to the rode hard/put away wet look you usually see with unretired porn stars. I have to admit, though, that I liked her hair better when its color was a little lighter. Her black hair now gives her a more of a sinister edge. But you also asked, while casting aspersions on my chosen review format, what I thought of her in Lick It Up 3. Well, I was not disappointed. Money well spent. She looks out of this world sexy with a dick in her mouth. And unlike my insurance company, she's especially appealing when she's fucking people.

What are the chances that while watching Lick It Up 3 that I will become momentarily light-headed, euphoric, and awkwardly in need of a moist towelette?

Those chances are quite high if your time with this DVD is spent watching Lisa Ann and Tiffany Rayne. Their scenes are standouts.