Joe Gage Sex Files 1: Jack-Off Party at Billy Bob's Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  4/13/2003

The subtitle is “Billy Bob’s Jack-off Party”. Billy Bob is seen setting up for the event—putting sheets on the furniture, setting out magazines and lube, etc.

Cousin Jesse arrives early, pops on a straight video and pops out his cock. Cousin Jesse has coal black hair on his head and above his cut cock. Five o’clock shadow gives a rugged manliness to his face. He (nor any other of these dudes) removes his shirt so I can tell about his torso. The white t-shirt suggests a good firm, slim body. His cock is average. The frequent cuts to the video he is watching showing flopping tits and a cock going into snatch may be a bit off-putting for most gay viewers. The sounds coming from the TV was enough to let us know it was a straight video—the sound of a moaning porn bitch in heat. Jesse cums and we cut back to the video to see the cock deposit some spoo on the cunt hair.

Earl and Jeff arrive. Jesse has vanished but the porn tape is still playing. A woman is sucking several dicks. She is doing it very badly. Jeff is built like a beer-guzzling red neck. There’s a lot of flesh on those bones and I suspect most of it is not meat. Earl has a beard and an interesting dick with a downward-curving head. Their dicks have come out even before they sit down. The woman on the video is now screaming like a stuck pig as Billy Bob comes back into the room. Billy Bob, who conveys the illusion of cute trailer trash, is the best looking thing in this video. Although he leaves his shirt on and we don’t see those telltale tattoos, he’s the actor that is known as Rhett O’Hara. Standing now and with his shirttail raised up a bit, we can see that Jeff has shaved off his pubic hair. Rhett makes a grab for his dick. Eric reaches for Rhett’s. Rhett then leaves. (Damn! And it was just getting interesting.) Jeff jacks off Eric, who then gets on his knees to jack off Jeff.

The doorbell rings and Steve arrives. (Eric and Jeff are gone, but the video hasn’t stopped.) Steve is a dark-skinned Latino. After a brief hiatus, the doorbell rings and Chet arrives. Bobby arrives an instant later. Chet is a tall gangly guy with a terrible haircut that does nothing at all to improve his looks. (He needs all the help he can get.) Bobby is a nice-looking muscular guy with a short but hefty dick. The woman on TV is still demonstrating how not to give a blowjob. The three guys reach for the lube. (This film is turning out to be a commercial for Albolene Cream.) They give one another a helping hand before Steve kneels to jack off both cocks. The moaning woman on the TV is becoming a real annoyance! WHOA! Steve just put Chet’s dick in his mouth. This party is getting out of hand! (No pun intended—well, maybe.) Steve now goes down on Bobby’s hefty member. Steve is doing a 1000% better than the broad in the video. Billy Bob Rhett comes back in to ogle Steve’s sucking technique. He strokes Bobby’s dick when Steve moves over to suck on Chet’s balls. As Steve returns to mouthing Bobby, Chet jacks off. Steven then jerks off Bobby. Rhett is just grinning like a Cheshire cat. I was really hoping for this film to end as it appeared to me to be going on for hours. But no such luck.

Four more non-fuckers arrive on the scene: Vince, George, Ben, and Lee. Once again as in the case of recognizing Rhett as Billy Bob, I know I have seen these guys elsewhere with other names in B or C-grade porn. Lee I know as Deacon Frost. He’s a thirty-something with a bit too much body fat. Vince looks like wife-killer Robert Blake—nah, it couldn’t be. I can’t remember gruesome George’s nom de porn (I’ve probably repressed it.) A scrawny guy, his face would scare cats and curdle cream. Ben is a youngish Latino. Rhett joins them to make it a quintet although they mostly keep their hands to themselves. The scene seems interminable. My god, don’t these guys ever cum? Finally these losers shoot. You know, the amateurs they drag off the streets to jack off in Body Shoppe and other films are hotter than these so-called pros and beat them hands down. (Pun intended this time.)

The extras include the usual scene sections, cum direct—where you can get to ejaculations without all the boring wait, an image gallery—why?, previews of other films, and a Behind the Scenes for the new Joe Gage Closed Set. Why this last is here I don’t know since it’s not an enticing ad for the film and would seem to belong on that DVD and not this one.

“Everybody had a real good time at my party,” Billy Bob tells us in a voice over. Sorry, Billy Bob, but I didn’t. I was bored out of my gourd. The most ominous thing about this DVD is that it is entitled Joe Gage Sex Files #1. This implies that there is going to be a #2, etc. Again in voice over, Billy Bob informs us, “And I think we’re going to do it again real soon.” In that event, Billy Bob, include me out.