Jeff Stryker Does Hard Time Review

Reviewed by TouchDown Tony  on  9/19/2002

Starring Jeff Stryker, Randy Savino, Jackson Price, Bad McGuire, Daniel Reed, Kurt Wagner, Dante Foxx, Sarabia

Special Features include: Behind the Scenes Footage, Music Video, Gallery, Trailers.

Can we say "Jeff Stryker's Casting Couch Sessions" boyz and... well, boyz? For that is what this little endeavor seems to be. Unlike others, I have few problems whatsoever with the immortally youthful Jeff Stryker. After all these years, he has maintained his fit, sculpted body, while maintaining his somewhat aloof and diffident air. He still growls his dirty talk as if he was an adolescent discovery the value of vocabulary for the very first time. Added to all that, he still sports the thick, hard as a rock, lengthy erection that made him a star in the first place. If I were to complain about Jeff Stryker, I would have to say that his charisma level tends to falter the longer that he continues to maintain the charismatic qualities of a Mattel product come to life, em, make that larger than life. For, to me, Jeff Stryker is the living incarnation of Barbie's playmate, Ken. For the literati amongst you, one could offer up the analogy of a portrait in an attic room that grows older while Jeff continues to be eternally youthful.

Except for a strolling troubadour who sings newly written Jeff Stryker lyrics to Bill Withers hit song "I Can See Clearly Now;" JEFF STRYKER DOES HARD TIME is a fairly decent romp if you’re into vanity productions. The lameness of the lyrics and the awful video quality of the troubador makes one reach instantly for the remote control's Fast Forward button. This will hardly go down in history as one of Stryker's top ten videos, but, when Jeff takes center stage (as he does in three of the video's four segments) there's a lot to enjoy.

A good deal of valuable time is spent on infomercial-like video segments chronicling Jeff Stryker's stage appearances in the play, "Hard Time." ( We all *get* the title, now, don't we?) I just found that the tone of the whole video is quite condescending, but maybe that’s a result of seeing “the real Jeff Stryker;” for in trying to portray “Jeff Stryker - porn idol of hundreds,” Jeff comes across more prima donna with each passing moment. Hey, not to bash Jeff wholeheartedly; he still delivers just what his fans want of him, but isn’t that fanbase a lot smaller these days?

Well, Jeff hasn’t gotten any smaller. The camera still loves him. But the sex seems soooo routine and banal; and Jeff keeps repeating the same old sex talk (in his smooth as brandy voice) that we’ve heard coming from him since POWERTOOL. So, what is there in JEFF STRYKER DOES HARD TIME that makes it worth a look?

Two scenes. That’s not a good average for a Stryker product, is it? The trailer for the Jeff Stryker/Ken Ryker bisexual adventure looks interesting. The out takes offer very few laughs; but at least there are special bonus features included.

Randy Savino bottoms for Stryker as director in the first scene. With lots of p.o.v. shots emulating Jeff’s fucking perspective, Randy writhes and wriggles to a bountiless orgasm.

That casting bit done, Stryker (barely) takes on the combination audition of young Kurt Wagner and Latin, uncut, devilish Dante Foxx. Stryker strokes while Foxx buffs Wagner. Upon joining the fuckfest, Stryker finds that fucking Foxx’s mouth is enough to make him cum all over Foxx’s face.

To say that the third scene completely turned me off would be an understatement. The two cueballs, domes shaved smooth, reminded me of Riff-Raff in THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, and adding a third body didn’t improve the scene. And - who are these people, and what are they doing in the film? I thought it might have been a very low rent version of Sartre’s NO EXIT, as opposed to the high rent version given to us many moons ago under the title THE DEVIL IN MISS JONES, but, these guys just fuck and suck and are never seen again.

The ineptness of the intertwining of the stage play and the for-the-camera’s eye” sex scene enabled the fast forward button. Jackson Price’s entrance is a show queen’s dream however - bathed in that luscious red spotlight, he draws attention immediately.

Somewhere, somebody said, “Vanity, thy name is woman.” That maxim can easily be updated to read: “Vanity thy name is Stryker.” This one is only for the diehard Stryker folks out there.