Italy's Finest Review

Italy's Finest

Cast: Riccardo, Bruno Rossi, Marc Lacoma, Marco Altieri, and Alessandro Capua. I'm not certain they're credited in order of appearance, so I'm unable to identify them by scene.

Director: Edward James

Production date: 4/99 (opening statement); 6/25/01 (box)

Length: 62 min.

Extras: A ten-minute recap of pop shots at the end, plus a photo gallery with 20 images.

Boobie prize: Four minutes of sleazy ads precede the menu. I can scan through at 8x but cannot skip them altogether. These forced ads hawk straight websites and phone sex. Hey, if I wanted to see augmented tits, I wouldn't be watching man porn. I've deducted a half star from the overall rating for this idiocy.

Audio/visual quality: The camerawork is generally pleasing and very well focused (e.g., the men's pores are easily visible during the shaving). There's a little too much enhanced motion for my taste, as well as some intercut footage of roses that begins to test my patience. The music is new age instrumentals: one piece is weirdly reminiscent of a funeral home, another sounds like a Chinese restaurant, and yet another employs Native American chanting. The levels are kept soft, however, so the music doesn't interfere with the location sound. The razors scraping against stubble are plainly audible, as are many of the masturbatory strokes and sighs.

First impression: Could be finer in a few ways.

Highlights:

Scene 1 Italian #1 shaves his face and genital area with an electric razor. He strokes himself to a quiet orgasm. He anally stimulates with a peach colored, penis-shaped (PCPS) dildo and masturbates to a second climax in the bath.

Scene 2 Ditto scene 1, except Italian #2 uses a nonelectric blade and ejaculates only once at the end of the scene.

Scene 3 Ditto scene 2, except Italian #3 also shaves his chest, plays to the camera a bit, and briefly uses a beaded dildo instead of the penis-shaped one. This guy gets bonus points for breaking into charming, spontaneous laughter after his orgasm.

Scene 4 Ditto scene 1, except Italian #4 uses both types of razors, shaves his legs instead of his groin, and gives a rather nice blowjob to the PCPS dildo. I believe he has a butt plug in his ass when he pops the second time.

Scene 5 This one's a dud. Italian #5 uses a nonelectric blade on his face and privates, and then repeatedly grimaces (as if in pain) while inserting the PCPS dildo. He never develops a hard-on. Mostly it looks like he's raping himself. Ugh.

Screenshots:

Thumbs up: The pacing is gentle and unhurried, which I like. The performers are good-looking, but not such Adonises that they seem unattainable. Except for the last one, they are competent and confident masturbators. I do enjoy watching these men.

Thumbs down: The scenes are very homogenous (one of the few "homo" anythings which I don't particularly care for). Yeah, it's a nice bathroom and all, but how dull to see it five times in a row. Maybe the budget went for the flowers.

Themes: Masturbation (primary theme), shaving (primary theme), solo anal play (major theme), bathing (major theme), multiple male orgasms, toys (dildos, butt plug), lean and natural physiques, uncut cocks.

Condom use: None (n/a).

Juice-o-meter: In spite of the flaws, my arousal was pretty high until the final scene. I love shaving, so that explains a lot.

Final analysis: Well, this is an easy movie to summarize. It's reasonably attractive men shaving and then self-pleasuring afterwards. There's nothing else to it. But if you enjoy sensuously paced scenes and have a bit of a kink for shaving, you might find it worthwhile. I purchased Italy's Finest for a little under $12, and I feel like that's about the right price.

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