Insexts Review

Reviewed by vodka tonic  on  11/29/2006

Director : Philip Mond
Cinematography : Bill Fisher
Cast : Gina Mond, Tory Lane, Alexis Amore, Jenaveve Jolie, Jean Valjean, Grant Michaels & Nick Manning
Running time : 160 mins.

DVD Extras: Chapter selection, trailer

WHO’S DOING WHO ?

1) GINA MOND



Lots of dollars have been spent on Gina Mond’s face & body, and she does look fab, if completely artificial. She calls Gina Mond on her cell phone (more on Gina II later) but the dialogue is inaudible, so whatever. She hangs up and starts to caress herself by her Beverly Hills swimming pool, all splendid with her wet hair, Restylan lips and fake crystal bustier. This is masturbation as in Penthouse, whence Ms Mond comes from, with come-hither looks to the camera & strategically placed legs. Even the translucent dildo is gorgeous, it’s all so incredibly beautiful and fake and boring. The music certainly does not help. Because it’s 2006, Gina injects some gapes here & there for good measure.

2) GINA MOND, ALEXIS AMORE, TORY LANE, JENAVEVE JOLIE, JEAN VALJEAN, NICK MANNING & GRANT MICHAELS



This is the big cake. Brunette Gina, blonde Gina’s assistant, comes into Nick Manning’s studio to negotiate something (I trust the back cover pitch, not the dialogue, which you cannot hear). A fantasy scenario then materializes out of Nick’s camera. Colourful insects with the very human shapes of Alexis, Gina, Tory & Jenaveve start to prance & preen in front of a green screen, and that’s really all they do for a good portion of this 90-minutes-+ pretty-colours-and-pouting-lips festival. Ooohs & aaahs, multicoloured wigs & wiggling antennas, it’s all a walk in the zoo for Alexis & Tory, who are more used to rectal devastation than coleopter fashion. Granted, Tory still takes a bicycle dildo up her wazoo, and that’s the best ride of this otherwise soporific & stretched-out segmented orgy. Silly wigs abound. Jenaveve takes a double facial, but it’s really not sex.

3) GINA MOND & NICK MANNING



Brunette Gina drives Nick to a deserted parking lot in the best segment of this show. Gina talks with an Italian accent & looks like Pink looking like Lindsay Lohan in the “Stupid Girl” video. She opens a case full of cash, and Nick opens his zip. Gina knows how to work a cock in her mouth, sweet sweet tongue technique that’s hindered by her wig coming in the way. Car scenes are traditionally awkward to film, but Mond chooses efficient angles. The vivid graffitis in the background add to the interesting videography. She rides him to completion in reverse cowgirl then they zoom out of the lot.

4) GINA MOND & ?



There’s a McKenzie Rose unaccounted for in the boxcover credits, so this could be the name of the distinguished gentleman Gina is paired with in this epilogue, unless I missed a lady in the wig-heavy insects segment, because McKenzie Rose sure doesn’t make for a studly alias. Or this could be Mr Mond himself. In any case, this is yet another switch in mood, the sofa, fish-eye lens & older man with younger girl scenario playing right into the gonzo vibe. Because of this, this is a scene you have seen a thousand times in a thousand similar RLd/Platinum/Digital set-ups and no amount of pussy gapes can change this. The pouty blonde takes it in the ass in piledriver & doggy, then licks the goo out of her lover’s dick.


SO ? : The fake is only endearing when it is conscious of its own fakeness. The absurdity of Pamela Anderson or Amanda Lepore photographed by David Lachapelle. Las Vegas. Philip Mond, unfortunately, does not grasp its delightful irony, and his Penthouse world of airbrushed sex and collagen perfection is devoid of humour, humanity or oomph. The fabulousness of a music video is that its celebration of the artificial is condensed in 3 minutes. Would you watch a 160 minutes music video ? Past the 3 minutes point, the audience needs a semblance of life to retain interest, and there’s no trace of human life in Philip Mond’s “Insexts”. Which, of course, may have been the whole point. A wallpaper, really.