I Can't Believe I Took the Whole Thing 15 Review

Reviewed by gonzoguy  on  9/4/2007

Fans of big dicks and single chicks, rejoice. Otherwise, try to suppress a yawn. The performers, if based on nothing but their "Behind the Scenes" interviews, appear to be having a good time riding the substantial rod of Shane Diesel. But this collection of five vignettes featuring five women with the same Shane breaks no new ground. Tell me if you haven't seen this before, dozens of times.

OK, here's the blow by blow, in case you really need it.

Scene 1: Sindy Lange and Shane. Check out Sindy's interview first. She talks of fantasizing about being licked by a tranny who is in turn getting fucked in the ass, her relationships with women, and employs her pussy to smoke a cigarette while wearing Shane's cum on her face. Now, back to our regularly scheduled feature -- Sindy fucks Shane, all pussy, in all the usual positions, then takes a big facial and blows a geyser of ... what IS that stuff? Girly cum? Do women (some women, anyway) actually squirt that much? Hmm. Well, Shane likes the idea, and hovers his head over Old Faithful to catch a mouthful. When it is girly cum (and not a golden shower or douche flouche), we guys DO go yum yum.

Scene 2: Isabella Pacino and Shane. In her interview, she says she got into porno to repay student loans. Well, she learned SOMETHING in school, and that was how to take it anal, and take it deep. She's a cute girl, and this is a fun scene.

Scene 3: Krystal Jordan and Shane. A confessed ass-licker from Oklahoma (I'm sure there's no connection), Krystal shows her favorite move, then assumes the positions before taking it on the chin.

Scene 4: Amina Amore and Shane. Not my favorite eye candy, Amina runs it down with a little oral, doggy, missionary, more oral, more mish, a little spoon, more oral, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spoon and lastly serves her chin for Shane's communion wafer.

Scene 5: Alyssa Jordan and (duh-uh) Shane. A cute but not particularly gorgeous blonde, Alyssa is wearing low-viz braces when she takes Shane's tip past her lips, then flips herself this way and that way so Shane can fuck her this way and that way and, surprise surprise, pull out just in time to do the money thing. She likes it (we think).

Extras: A pornucopia here, with the aforementioned Behind the Scenes -- nice, casual interviews with each of the women -- a Bonus Scene, Photo Gallery, Trailers, Web Trailer, Company Information and a Pick Your Pleasure Feature that lets you access not just the cum shots, but also your favorite positions involving each of the girls -- Tease, Blowjob, Missionary, Doggystyle, Cowgirl, Spoon -- plus Cumshots.

Summary: If this is the first porn DVD you've ever watched, or considered watching, it might be a fun experience. One-on-one is, for most of us, the model we're trying to emulate. And the hyper-reality of a huge dick stretching pussy lips (or, in Isabella's case, ass bud) wider than our eyes, well, that's a nice fantasy (we guys all would like to THINK we're as big as Shane, even if we know we're not). Still, this is fairly formulaic stuff. My standards, having watched (maybe) far too much porn over the years, ask that someone asking for my money DO something for it -- rather than just hire people to fuck, and run the camera. DO something new. Try to stretch a genre that has been mined to near nothingness. This DVD shows how lacking in imagination most porn shooters are. If they're bored, we're going to be, too. Yawn.