Hootermania (VCA) Review

Running Time:
72 min. (the cover states 90 min.)
NOTE: When I originally reviewed this DVD, RAME listed this feature as having a running time of 75 min., so I'm not sure if this title has been edited from its original form or not. It wouldn't be the first time this happened, but VCA has been getting better about labeling their features to let purists know.

Production Date:
1993

Director:
Gregory Dark

Cast:
Crystal Wilder, Danyel Cheeks, Leanna Foxxx, Lynn Lemay, Natasha, and Tianna Taylor
with
Jack Armstrong, Jon Dough, Jonathan Morgan, Marc Wallice, Michael J. Cox (listed here as Ted Craig), Ron Jeremy, and Terry Thomas
and
Heather Hart in a non-sex role

Initial Expectations:
The Dark Brothers had some amazing creativity. I always look forward to their movies even when they aren't named something as fun as this.

Initial Reaction:
It's the Dark Brothers, which is a great thing!

Who Should Watch It :
Anybody wanting something original and fun without a lot of nasty sex

Who Should Avoid It:
Anybody who wants the same old porno

Audio /Video Quality:
The audio is pretty clear and well balanced, especially for the age of the feature, but is dubbed and out of synch in a few places. The video has a few flaws, but isn't too bad for its age. It has a little grain, and does have a few shadows. The most annoying of the problems is things such as the edge of the feature moving a little.

Music:
The music is a little on the weird side, but that fits perfectly with the Dark Brothers' style. It's often a little loud, but it doesn't interfere with the scenes too much.

Menus:
The menus are extremely basic. There's no animation for the main menu and the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of the scene.

The Movie:
When Momma Jomma (Crystal Wilder) visits Bob Thing (Jon Dough) with "The Impeccable Pair" and he doesn't ask the right question, the word starts going to Hell in a handbasket. Bob learns he's a knight and has to leave the bathtub where he lives and journey into the outside world to find "The Impeccable Pair of Fleshy Orbs" again and ask the right question to set things right. He doesn't have to journey alone, as Momma Jomma gives him a constant companion that looks a lot like a pocket pussy.

Tianna Taylor, looking great in her French Maid outfit, starts things off having her great tits played with by future slimeball Marc Wallice. After Jon Dough checks them out to see if they're "The Impeccable Pair", Marc goes back to working Tianna over with his tongue, fingers, and toes before skull-fucking her. They bump uglies through missionary, spoon, and doggie before Marc throws her down and tit fucks her until he pops. It's a pretty hot scene with Tianna really impressing me. She has some great energy and some nice intensity.

After dancing for them at a bachelor party, raven haired Natasha takes on Marc Wallice, Ron Jeremy, and Terry Thomas in the next scene. She finally starts working on Ron with her mouth, hands, and tits before working her way onto the other guys. Natasha lets them take their turns fucking her, and lets each guy hose her down when done, although never on the face. It's an okay scene that didn't really do a lot for me. Although with Ron Jeremy and Marc "Dick O Death" Wallice in it, I guess that isn't much of a surprise.

Jon Dough examines Danyel Cheeks for "The Immaculate Pair" next after he finds her crying about her boyfriend not liking her knockers. She attacks him orally after he whips out his man-thing before letting him work on her at all. Jon tongues and fingers Danyel before climbing on to fuck her. He fucks her pussy missionary style and then slides onto his side to fuck her ass before spraying it down with his spooge. It's a fairly hot scene with nice energy and decent chemistry. Danyel seemed a little whiny at times, which held it back from being a really hot scene for me.

Chicken-man Jonathan Morgan dances around for Lynn LeMay while Jon Dough checks out her titties. As soon as Jon leaves, Jonathan drops down to tongue her twat, and then moves up to let Lynn tit-fuck him as he tries to fuck her face. They move on through missionary and pile driver, with Lynn looking really into it at first and then a bit uncomfortable towards the end. They finish things off with a bit of tit-fucking and Lynn taking a decent pop on her chest. It's a surprisingly mixed scene. Sometimes it's great with Lynn looking like she's really into it, and other times it suffers since it looks like she's uncomfortable and hates being there.

Leanna Foxxx, a cute brunette who starts out hanging upside down in an attempt to reverse gravity, takes on dog-boys Michael J. Cox and Jack Armstrong, who are trained to fuck her every time the whistle sounds, in the penultimate scene. Leanna guides them as they warm her up before dropping down to suck their schlongs. They guys each take a turn fucking Leanna, and finish things off popping on her feet and back. It's a very unique scene, but also one of the hottest in the entire movie. Leanna has some great intensity and is obviously having one heck of a great time.

Finally, Crystal Wilder takes on blind men (no, they don't do window treatments) Jack Armstrong, Jonathan Morgan, Michael J. Cox, Ron Jeremy, and Terry Thomas (thankfully sparing us and herself from Marc Wallice), as well as the enlightened Jon Dough. Jon is rewarded by Crystal's heavenly hooters first before getting pushed out of the way for the blind men to start feeling their way around. They don't bother with much of a warmup before going directly to taking care of Crystal, who handles them all with ease. Crystal appears to love the attention, as well as the cumbath they give her at the end of the scene. It's a very hot ending to the feature, with the only fault being it's on the short side (I don't know if it even lasts ten minutes).

The Dark Brothers have made another weird, wild, and wowser porno with Hootermania. As usual, the plot looks like it was put together with some herbal help and is a heck of a lot of fun. Jon Dough makes much of it work, and does a great job playing a schlub that keeps a smile on your face. The sex is taken care of just as well by Crystal Wilder and Leanna Foxxx, who easily turn out the two top scenes in the feature while some of the others missing the mark slightly. Despite not being quite as hot, the other scenes normally have some great humor to them that still makes them worthwhile. There's a reason that people are still waiting for the Dark Brother's DVDs to come out on DVD rather than just moving on with current releases, and you can see a lot of the reason in Hootermania.

The Extras:
The photo gallery lasts about two and a quarter minutes with about seven seconds per good looking full screen photo. There's also a cast listing, a list of some of the other titles in the VCA Classics line, and contact information.

Themes:
Straight, tit-fucking, group, rimming (male > female), anal, spanking, toe-ing, and gangbang

Raincoat Factor:
High

Condom Usage:
None

Final Thoughts:
At the time I wrote this original review, most of the VCA Classics could be found online for between $18 and $25 with most stores offering them for around $20. This is a little high for what you get here, but fans of the Dark Brothers will still be happy. The transfer is very good for the age, and the movie has their distinct style. Unfortunately, there isn't really anything for extras, which is too bad with this price tag. Currently it can still be found at a few retailers and on VOD, and if you want something different is definitely worth checking out.

Note to VCA:
It's great to see you bringing out the Dark Brothers features on DVD. Please keep it up, and if you're doing them as bare bones DVDs, try to keep the price down.

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