| Heels
and Hose - the Movie |
|
| Playhouse |
The
British photographer Viv Thomas has carved something of a niche for
himself with his well-regarded photographs and videos, tending towards
the softer end of the spectrum. His particular thing seems to be for
female legs and feet, often attired with stockings and high heels,
and that fetish is amply aired in this production. Beyond the sub-soap
stylings and accompanying dire dialogue of this simple story, there's
a wealth of foot and leg fetish fun that may delight connoisseurs,
provided they can tolerate the aforementioned flaws, while puzzling
those seeking something more hardcore.
Sammy
& Mario
A short scene laden with gratuitous views of stocking tops and feet
in high-heeled shoes introduces us to the main players - Sammy Jane
and Mario (credited as Mark), as a couple buying a Portuguese villa
from an estate agent (the leggy blonde Christina, credited on the
box as Kaia). Frankly, the slender and somewhat implausible story
of a wife frustrated with her husband's failure to comprehend her
fascination with feet and stockings is barely worth bothering with,
as it jars with scenes like the following, totally contrived for the
purpose of providing views of beautiful women and their alluring attributes.
Clad in a sheer black nylon nightie, Sammy wakes one morning and shows
off her lovely legs and feet, slipped into fluffy mules, accompanied
by a soundtrack of soft sax (an insipid take-off of An Englishman
in New York, hardly a model of excitement in itself). In a nutshell,
the whole thing spells bland, baby, bland.
Some minutes of posturing pass before she treats Mario to a good morning
blowjob. However, it's made clear that he doesn't share her passion
for the sensuality of foot sex, preferring some tepid intercourse.
The sex is interspersed with out and out foot shots to the extent
that we see far more of Sammy's feet than her face. Finally, she tosses
him off by hand - noticeably from full arm's length - but he refuses
her foot wank. A funny fellow!
Sammy
Jane & Sophie
Mario heads off to work, planning to Sammy Jane some shoes to placate
her. Meanwhile the pretty little brunette maid, Sophie, spies on the
frustrated wife indulging in some languid self-loving. Although largely
soft-core in content, this scene is far more effective, contrasting
lingering looks at Sophie's fine legs in black seamed stockings with
views of Sammy stretching and flexing her long legs and bare feet.
Sammy Jane slips on one tan, fully-fashioned stocking, before sliding
its partner into her pussy. Sophie peeps on and gets rather excited
by watching her mistress then sensually remove the hosiery from her
pussy and savour its aroma. It's all rather slow moving and utterly
contrived but to my mind its play on the furtive pleasures of voyeurism
is much more pleasurable to watch than another middle-of-the road
shag - it's quietly kinky in its own way. For example, when Sophie's
dropped broom brings the whole show to an abrupt end, she has slipped
a stocking into her own pussy. I wouldn't hazard a guess as to how
many young women really share such feelings about the tactile pleasures
of nylons, but in the realms of fantasy, this is rather good fun,
to the extent that I can almost forgive the continual bland music.
Almost.
Sammy & Christina
Subtlety unfortunately flies out the window with the crass and cringe
inducing dialogue that ushers in the next scene in doubly doubtful
fashion. And it was all going so well. Leggy estate agent Christina
arrives at the villa only to find sunbathing Sammy is highly taken
with Christina's sturdy legs in their fully-fashioned stockings, a
desire she expresses in almost laughable fashion. The terribly stilted
"lesbian" licks that follow are little better. Poor little maid Sophie
can only watch the action below on the poolside terrace where Sammy
Jane licks and fingers Christina.
Sophie
& Mario
Fortunately for her, Mario happens upon the masturbating maid and
begins touching her up. Clearly fidelity is not an issue in this household,
but if any spice is meant to be implied by the extra-marital encounters,
the limp way the whole thing is played and photographed - with
an understandable stress on the stockings and feet that's nonetheless
counterproductive in terms of emphasising the supposed thrills of
the illicit sex - means it's all pretty tame. It's still sexy seeing
Sammy Jane continue to worship Christina's feet, doubtless fragrant
in the strong sun, but despite Sophie's grunts of "desire", the sex
she shares with Mario isn't up to much. She is a cute girl, no doubt,
as seen in many shoots for Viv Thomas, and also in Sandy Does Hardcore,
but with Sammy Jane catching them at it and making Mario come on Sophie's
stocking tops, it all turns out a bit crap, really.
Christina
and Mario
Mario later meets Christina at a café, where she makes it plain what's
required to seal the deal. Mario slides under the table, prostrating
himself at her feet (again in fully-fashioned stockings), feet that
rub over his cock and body while he licks and fingers her. She then
treats him to some foot and hand action - obviously it's not a busy
restaurant - and then they indulge in some pretty brief sex, with
Christina still in her stockings and animal-print dress. Again the
sex is less than enthralling but there are abundant shots of squirming
toes trapped in nylon and another come shot on the girl's stocking
tops, if that grabs you. Christina is quite attractive, though, with
a hairstyle that makes her looks somewhat reminiscent of Rocco's Sandy
(not the other Sandy).
Sammy Jane and Sophie
Meanwhile, back at the villa, maid Sophie seems more concerned with
polishing her pussy than the silverware, and Sammy catches her at
it. Sophie's legs again look fantastic in black nylons, Sammy's look
great bare, set off by high-heeled pumps. Sammy slowly inspects Sophie's
pins, pert bum and pretty pussy before continuing the seduction in
the bedroom. Sophie's maid costume comes off to reveal some slinky,
figure-hugging underwear before Sammy's mouth engulfs her stocking-wrapped
tootsies and moves on to her pussy and ass. Director Thomas endeavours
to keep feet the focus as Sophie's beautiful bee-stung pout works
tenderly works over Sammy Jane's soles. The willowy blonde seems to
be ticklish! This is all rather pleasant fun if hardly much more.
Sammy
Jane & Mario
Still, it's better than this lacklustre finale, where Mario brings
Sammy Jane a gift of stockings and they kiss and make up in the way
she likes best. All sounds fine, but the scene is hampered by the
typical lack of imagination from porn directors when it comes to making
vaguely romantic scenes. Slow moves and smoochy music seem to be all
they can think of - where's the passion? It's unfortunate that even
the music is pretty desperate - the tinny midi strains of a feeble
parody of Unchained Melody are so bad I'm amazed the composer actually
accepted the credit.
Yes, it is a pleasure to see Sammy Jane with her fine legs in these
sexy garments, and yes it's a pleasure to fantasise that it's me rather
than Mario that's trapped in their heavenly grasp. Unfortunately Viv
Thomas' torpid direction chooses the gloopy, clichéd approach and
so with some tepid sex, a little foot wanking and a come shot on Sammy's
stocking tops, it all dribbles to a rather pedestrian end.
Overall
The final analysis of Heels and Hose is simple. The girls are beautiful
and the coverage of the stocking/leg/feet angle is pretty sensational
and yet I still wonder if video is the best medium to cover this fetish.
Does a good set of still photos not present a better chance to linger
over the nuances, without the need for motion that's required in video?
That's not to mention the fact that still photos spare us the unimaginative
story, bad dialogue and acting that barely merits the name. The physical
side of the sex is almost an intrusion into the foot fantasy world,
and it does come across much like a soft-core movie with some hardcore
action inserted, no pun intended, rather than a full on porn flick.
Some dodgy continuity and a lot of non-explicit angles are testament
to this. Made in 2000, and released in 2001, this isn't up to the
standards I would associate with Viv Thomas - perhaps I've been misled.
The cast perform with moderate enthusiasm meaning it all seems too
little to pad out for what ultimately feels like a long 2 hours. It's
fine, it's fun but in the end it's quite disappointing and far from
an essential purchase, especially for people like me who prefer more
raunchy, passionate sex along with our tasty toes!
DVD Comments
The disc is produced in Holland, though distributed by Metro, and
is not particularly impressive despite the neat book style sleeve.
The picture suffers from weak colours in the NTSC palette and looks,
even on a decent TV, only a step above VHS. The sound is also rather
roughly recorded. It's just not the sort of quality I expected from
Viv Thomas. Too few chapters on the disc and a token extra in the
shape of the usual photo gallery make for a pretty poor show.
|
|
|
| Director |
|
Viv
Thomas
|
| |
| Cast |
|
Sammy
Jane, Sophie, Christina, Mark
|
| |
| Running
Time |
|
2hrs 1min
|
| |
| Video
|
|
NTSC/All regions
|
| |
| Audio
|
|
Dolby
2.0
|
| |
| Disc
Features |
|
Photo
gallery
|
|
