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Hard Currency seems to be a title chosen at random for this Patrick
Handsome feature, consisting as it does of largely unrelated sex
scenes seemingly visualised by JPX, presumably as an author tapping
away at his laptop. Even this tiny synopsis fleshes out the anorexic
plot (using the term extremely loosely here) beyond the movie's
paltry effort. I really wonder why they bother. Frankly, it makes
no sense at all, as it adds nothing to the action, which thankfully
does offer some fine compensation in the form of truly beautiful
girls in alluring outfits unequivocally angled at the discerning
lingerie and hosiery fetishist.
Simony
The first chapter features the gorgeous Simony all dressed up in
bright flowery lingerie, black stockings, heels and scarlet lipstick.
She is getting ready in the bathroom and needs assistance applying
skin cream to her boobs - Bob Terminator, presumably as a bodyguard
or something (sketchy story? Nothing but the sketchiest!), is the
man who has the onerous task. Bob, one of the most wooden of woodsmen
in porn, brings little charisma to the part and the sex is strictly
routine. Still, Simony, as always, looks delectable and does all
the required moves; including anal and a facial finish featuring
some put-on sexy looks at the camera. Seen it all before, but damn,
she is foxy.
Kelly
Following swiftly on, the next scenario sees Titof sleeping on a
couch. Kelly (AKA Sharka Blue, star of a certain director's
Russian Institute, for Marc Dorcel), a petite blonde who comes across
like Anastasia or Simony's horny baby sister, tiptoes into the room,
slips off her shoes and sneaks up to the dozing Frenchman to start
seducing him. Or, to put it another way, sucking his cock. He reciprocates
the oral then they fuck, doggy anal being particularly pleasing
on the eye as it makes her too-good-to-be-true tits stick out like
delicious little cones. Sometimes all it takes is a gorgeous blonde
in black stockings, and I am sold. This is one such instance - again,
it's strictly routine sex but she does look so good in the nylons,
especially her sweet little feet. She also takes it up her rear
end with alacrity, proving to be a little live wire too, before
Titof strokes onto her tongue.
Alena
Lauro Giotto plays a chap seduced by his "boss", the elegant, slim,
pale skinned brunette Alena. They kiss and in a trice he has his
head in between her wide-spread stockinged thighs. Her gorgeous
boobs swell as he eats her. She looks at him with big brown eyes
in an irresistible fashion as they fuck. For once, I have to give
the guy some credit - Lauro is one of the better of the guys around,
who acts like a bit of a ladies' man and actually appears to enjoy
his work.
And so Alena duly rewards him with a blowjob and the chance to insistently
nudge his knob up her back passage for quite some time. So lots
of anal if that's what turns your crank, but for me it's the luxurious
combination of her silly smooth skin, arching body, soft, quivering
boobs and long legs in shimmering black stockings that get me dribbling
in unseemly fashion. This is why porn viewing should remain a solo
pursuit. Just to wrap up the action: Lauro jerks off onto blood
red lips that have quite miraculously remained perfectly made-up
through the whole scene.
Anastasia
and Nicole
JPX is involved in this one himself, sitting back to take in the
luxurious and decadent sight of sumptuous blonde Anastasia and sultry
brunette putting on a "lesbian" show in a swirl of lingerie, black
stockings and high heels. With a slap to Anastasia's ample ass,
JPX inveigles himself in their play, eating pussy, getting his knob
sucked and taking Anastasia doggy style. Given the alluring way
she offers herself, it would be improper not to.
For some reason, this position is spun out a little too long but
the subsequent coupling between Nicole and JPX is bafflingly brief.
Anastasia continues to hog the limelight by taking it anally. The
anal is explicit and a little messy and the whole thing ends with
a fair old facial sprayed onto both girls' faces, but if it wasn't
for the fact the girls look so damn good, it would be tempting to
dismiss the scene as yet more routine smut.
Kelly
JPX, as the author, struggles for inspiration but finally comes
up with the following debauched scenario (I am filling in the gaps
in Monsieur Handsome's plotting here). The violence is somewhat
jarring given the generally light mood - JPX, Bob and Sebastian
Barrio appear as hoodlums who have Titof tied to a chair and appear
to be mid-way through beating him off the planet. Little Kelly bursts
into the scene and offers herself to the thugs in order to save
her man. Which is admirable, but does the poor sod, dripping blood
from facial wounds, have to watch his little baby doing it?
Oh yes, that's the kicker. Kelly sucks and fucks the three goons
- and even gives Titof a consoling BJ - right in front of him, taking
an indecent delight in the sex. Titof is forced to watch the sight
- and what a sight it is - of her toned little form bouncing on
their cocks before the goons get the pleasure of her mouth and ass,
and even double penetration. Damn it, she's too enthusiastic by
half, which does make for a better sex scene but does it make for
a convincing scenario? Do we really care? The guys get done shooting
their come on her face and ass to bring the whole sordid situation
to a close.
Conclusion
Hard Currency is a good looking but unsubstantial production, which
as I suggested already would be easy to dismiss out of hand if it
weren't for the great looking women and the extremely sympathetic
way in which they are presented. That said, the visual stylings
have greater ambition than the rather clunky camerawork permits
- it's not nearly as slick and polished a production as it would
like to be - but the costumes are a cut above the usual, with superb
stockings and lingerie sure to appeal to those with a taste for
beautiful girls in fine underwear, hosiery and shoes. It's all significantly
more tasteful than those ghastly, cheap-looking fishnets that have
become so prevalent.
While the other girls are all delectable, Kelly has to be singled
out for praise as much for her enjoyable enthusiasm as for her looks.
She brings some much-needed sparkle to what are generally routine
sex scenes, performed with energy but little real verve. The sex
isn't too strong in terms of harsh attitude or extravagant sex acts,
which are qualities that will please many viewers, but nor is there
much in the way of chemistry. There are moments that grabbed my
attention but all too often my thumb was hovering over the FFW button,
and that's something I never usually do. Maybe my patience is wearing
thin these days.
I guess that will not be the last time I make that sort of criticism,
and in truth, with its particular focus on certain stylistic aspects,
it's perhaps unfair to expect Hard Currency to break the mould.
Equally, it would be unfair to expect me to recommend you spend
more than the cost of a rental on this sporadically stimulating
but quickly forgettable product.
DVD
Comments
Hard Currency is a fairly good quality product. Picture quality
is fine, the sound is good though the original sound is occasionally
swamped by excessively loud music. The movie is backed up with a
behind the scenes clip (the usual photo shoots etc) and a mildly
idiotic interview with Patrick Handsome. The gushing interviewer
singularly fails to pose any of the genuinely interesting questions
that could have been fired at Patrick. For example, he mentions
a 20-year history in the business, but she doesn't probe into exactly
what he was doing in this time beyond ascertaining that he was doing
"photos"…There's a cast list, some photos, a half-dozen trailers
and some annoying adverts. Black marks to Hustler for continuing
to do this.
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