Grrl Power 5 Review

Reviewed by Meridian  on  1/1/2002

Grrl Power 5

Grrl Power movies involve the Grrls reading out a Dear Abby style letter some young lass has written to them. Fortunately for sales of the series the solutions seem to always involve doing some guy. These solutions are then acted out, just in case any of the Troubled Writers are a bit unclear on how the whole ‘fuck him crosseyed’ thing works. Cool! The series also features some stupid but funny little phrases revolving around the action that pop up on the screen every now and then.

Violet Blue and Steve Taylor
Violet is a cute (cute being the word of the day here), enthusiastic and petite blonde with pigtails and she’s also prominently featured on the cover. Violet starts things off with a way impressive display of cantering around some backyard in shorts and a top, which turns out to be something of a theme throughout the movie. Almost as impressive is that she can actually act! Or at least read her lines well. Sometimes porn actors can sound like they were reading from an optometrist chart rather than a script but Violet cruises through this part and actually seems pretty smart. She’ll need to be as the poor gal is being audited by fearsome IRS representative Steve Taylor. To be frank, Steves preparation for the role seems to have extended about as far as putting a tie on. His dialogue starts out pretty weak and once Violet goes to work on him he seems to pretty much lose the ability to talk at all, which is understandable I guess. She’s hot! You could argue that the sex wasn’t ultra athletic if you were determined to complain but I thought it was fine. Violet sure has fun the whole way through, giggling and laughing every now and then. She even poked her tongue out cheekily at one point. Very endearing, I think she’s great.

There was something a little unusual at the end though. The moaning starts building, and building and then, omigosh, sound the real sex alert folks because it looks like we’ve just had an internal cum shot! I decided to do my first review by finding the most recently released title, took off the wrapper on this one and in the first scene get this! What are the odds? Things get a little uncomfortable here as the couple disengage and the camera zooms in looking for some evidence that Mr IRS really did get more than his socks off. So we wait, and wait… and they eventually work through it ok.

Monica Mayhem and Jay Ashley
Poor Monica is allegedly an English lassie, despairing that her beloved pig Babe can’t get through customs due to foot and mouth concerns. She’s obviously Australian though (I’m guessing Queensland), but apparently Americans struggle to differentiate UK / Aussie accents so today she’s English. Alrighty... She’s fine reading out the dialogue too, as are the rest of the girls in the film. Maybe they got a coach in or something after some of the dismal efforts earlier on in the series.

Here Monica has to convince big stick wielding customs agent Jay to let Babe into the country and when the best line in the movie doesn’t work; ‘but Babe’s never put his foot in his mouth!’ she decides to remind him that there’s more than one babe involved here. Monica is a pretty blonde with an awesomely toned dancers body. By porn standards she’s a little light up top and no doubt the pressure will be on for her to embrace the plastic fantastic but I think she looks great as is. She’s slightly restrained with the early Dear Abby stuff compared to some of the other girls (who admittedly could make a hummingbird look lethargic) but being cast as someone from a different country without warning could do that I guess. She warms up nicely for a good scene though.

Sienna and Joel Lawrence
Sienna is a dark haired darling with her heart set on watching the Timothy McVeigh execution. Grrl Power movies have a young girl theme and Sienna does look pretty young (even without the pigtails and away from the swings…) but a little pop up message reassures us that she’s legal and we also learn that tech dude Joel Lawrence is her only chance for a sneak peek at the big fry up, so she goes pays him a visit.

When we first see Joel he’s on the phone, staring intently at his PC screen and letting his colleague know that everything is set for the broadcast to go ahead in half an hours time. Sienna scampers in, and in those tiny shorts Joels concentration is swiftly shot to bits, although it can’t have been that spectacular to start with as we soon see that the monitor is switched off and there’s no sign of life from the computer either. We don’t ask for too much in the realism department do we, and we sure don’t get much here. Still, he must be doing something right as Sienna quickly decides it’s time for her first time. Nothing like an execution to get the sparks flying I guess. These first time scenarios are always at least a little doomed but at least they’re a ‘step’ up from the creepy step brother / father angles popular elsewhere. Even though Joel is a very big boy this first time involves tons of anal sex (as you do). A bit too much for me really, but I’m a wimp that way. They switch from anal to a BJ at one point and she does choke on him briefly, but doesn’t get flustered and they go back for yet more anal action. It ends with a facial, through which she triumphantly watches the first few moments of the much anticipated broadcast.

Ann Marie and Lee Stone
Ann is a cute brunette cheerleader at a Colorado school concerned about her safety and the best idea she can come up with is to get her boyfriend to steal his dads gun. Using Grrl Power of course. Despite them actually managing to get some lockers in shot her boyfriend would have had to repeat about 10 years in a row to still be at school. That could be possible I guess because he sure looks like he spent most of the last decade in the gym and far away from any classrooms. Maybe it was the green eyeshadow but for me Ann was nice but not up to the standard of the other girls here. She fools around a little with the gun as she strips if that’s of interest. The sex is ok but they seemed a little mismatched to me and at the end she’s notably very unimpressed when Lee blasts her in the face. Who can understand women, eh? She recovers soon enough though, but knowing now that that is coming at the end is a real downer for this scene, although some of you sickos out there might enjoy it.

Kate Frost and Jack Hammer
Where do you start with this? Issuing an all points weirdo warning might be a good move. Kate Frost reminds me a little of Gabrielle Anwar gone bad. (That’s good, in case you’re wondering.) She’s (say it with me folks) a cutie with a great petite figure which she shows off nicely in some ultra short shorts with some brief dancing around and even a cartwheel in the intro. Ahhhh. Who doesn’t love cartwheels? But she’s somehow wheeled herself into the clutches of nutcase Jack Hammer, who has clearly seen Silence of the Lambs a few hundred too many times. Maybe they should have been a bit more careful with their wording when they were recruiting for this skin flick because big bad Jack wants to make up his own girlskin pelt, to either help his feminine side express itself better or to cover up his hundred odd tattoos, I didn’t quite catch which.

The lovely Kate is tied to a chair and Jack starts off spending a LOT of time yelling at her and telling her to shut up every time she speaks. He does this maybe ten times? There’s a slightly cartoonish tone to it and the teeny weeny pink bikini he’s wearing sure takes a little of the edge off too but it’s still a bit uncomfortable. If any of your fantasies involve the word ‘Hannibal’ you might enjoy this part though. A little pop up commentary helpfully informs us that lactose free milk cartons are the best to have your picture on. Just in case you were wondering.

Kate eventually talks her way out of the chair by offering to show him a few tips on how to learn what it feels like for a girl, in this world. They stand side by side in front of the mirror, touching their private parts and embracing their collective femininity by miming along to a Shania Twain song (ok, I made that last bit up, it doesn’t get that bad). She tells him things like ‘you are a beautiful woman’ and there’s plenty of talk about ‘fucking skins’ in there somewhere too but soon we have a major case of the Helsinki syndrome on our hands and they’re going for it.

Kate has a great body but also the biggest tattoo in the movie (excluding the pink bikini dude) on her tailbone. There’s some impressive deep throating on display here. They move onto intercourse and there’s lots of squealing and laughter as it becomes clear how little thought was required to come up with the nickname Jack Hammer. At one point Kate is moaning along normally when she suddenly seems to be really taken by (a good) surprise by something Jack’s doing - a nice moment. They move on to some anal and he gets a bit too much for her to handle at a certain angle at one point, but it’s no big deal. Some A2M here too before finishing off with a very mild facial. That’s fine by me as personally I can live just fine without scenes that end with the girl looking like she’s just tried to eat a bathtub full of porridge with her hands behind her back. Jack falls asleep instantly and Kate is gone faster than the morning frost.

Overall.
For my first review I was determined to be tough as nails and to leave myself some room at the top end for really top notch stuff but I couldn’t help enjoying this one a lot. As mentioned there were just a few moments that I would have preferred edited out and the fourth scene had a few problems but everything else was done really well.

The girls look great and their enthusiasm and smiles were fantastic overall. If you like your women young and petite you should definitely add half a star to their looks score here. The lighting seemed to be mostly natural was and was clear throughout. Video quality was great. We got nice long looks at the gals wearing clothes out in the real world, and doing real world stuff even (reading the letters). We got to see all of their clothes coming off nice and slowly too. The camera work was very good, focussing on the women 90% of the time and with lots of long full body shots. There was extremely little background music, which left tons of slurping and slapping noises if you’re into that. The bloopers and outtakes (watch them after the movie) were surprisingly enjoyable. While not exactly sexy they did show the girls to be real people having fun, which goes close in my book. My favourite was the Aussie girl reading her script for the first time and asking, ‘”Lass from London”!? Am I saying that???’.

The icing on the cake is the fact that you can put in the movie and go straight to the menu screen. I really hate it when you’re really, really raring to get right to it, you put the silver disc in, push the little button and nothing happens! You have to go through a few minutes of unavoidable shit. But this is no time to go into my pay toilet horror story, that’s what therapists are for. Grrl Power 5 is warmly recommended.

General comments:

Sad but true, the most important part of a review for many people are the screenshots. I’ve read plenty of rave reviews, gone had a look at the boxcover and thought, ‘don’t think so’. Guys can be so superficial… But in a world where some people think Margaret Thatcher is sexy you just have to be careful. But be warned that the screenshots taken for this review are all from early on in proceedings. So DO NOT CLICK IF CLOTHING MAY OFFEND.

With one photo per girl I thought something nice where they’re smiling and you can get a reasonable idea of their face and body from the actual movie would be fine. I can understand that in this time of instant gratification people might want to see some harcore pics of the girls in action right now but sorry, you can’t. Maybe things will improve on some distant day when I master the mystic art of ‘fitting more than one pic onto a page’, we’ll see.

Keen readers will observe that in pretty much all of the scenes described above, a couple have sex. If you’re unsure exactly what might be involved here then maybe your parents or friends can be of some help (hint: it’s like waaaarm apple pie) but there’s rarely too much variation and unless something unusual happens I’ll probably tend to shy away from describing the actual choreography involved. Sorry.

Some people can sometimes find my writing style and / or attempts at humour a little ill judged or annoying. It might help to point out that I’m rarely completely serious and didn’t start out writing this with the aim of upsetting you or anyone else. At at least some point, my intentions were good. This has also turned out to be a pretty long review and for some people size does matter. Reactions to this debut effort will no doubt crush my young and naive enthusiasm into something a bit more surly and concise soon enough, so please don’t worry about it.

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