Gonad the Barbarian Review

Running Time: 57 min. (the cover states 76 min.)

Production Date: 1986

Director: Arthur King

Cast: Animated

Initial Expectations: For some reason, I’m really looking forward to this one!

Initial Reaction: It’s easily the worst DVD I’ve ever seen from VCA.

Who Should Watch It : The bottom of a glass and prison inmates

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody with a choice

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are a little lower than Pokemon. The audio is decently balanced, but some of the audio is a little muddy. The video is okay but doesn’t have a lot of detail.

Music: The music has the same cheesy feel as most porn of the mid-eighties, and is a bit on the loud side.

Menus: The menus are extremely basic. You have the choice between watching one or both movies and previews. There isn’t any animation in any of the menus, but this was also a very early DVD release.

The Feature: In Search for Uranus Lord Uranus sends his minions to capture Princess Orgasma so he can be reborn during the Festival of Darkness after feasting on her virginal being. Princess Orgasma learns of Lord Uranus and his plot by Mark Starkiller, who conveniently was her date that night. She has to fight off Medusha as well as other monsters before being captured and made to endure plenty of tentacle sex. After a bit, Orgasma is rescued and returned home.

This cartoon never really had me. It’s very basic, including the level of animation, and moved through the story so quickly that I barely caught some of it, while dwelling on things like the bad guy violating Princess Orgasma with his tentacles for five whole minutes! This seemed like an eternity, and had me reaching for the remote just so something new would happen. Sadly, this is where the focus of the movie is. There’s barely any sex in the feature other than this, and absolutely no enjoyable sex in it. I think this feature is summed up best by my wondering “What the fuck was that?” after watching it.

In Gonad the Barbarian, Princess Layme and Dr. Jerkoff from ASS (that’s American Secret Service) head out to stop Gonad the Barbarian and his galactic army of sexbots before they conquer the planet. She heads to Gonad’s Death Star-like base where she tries to rescue Pussy La’Mour from Gonad and his pet dog, as well as stopping Gonad for good. Of course, that means there’s gotta be some sex between Pussy and Princess Layme.

At least this cartoon has some humor in it, such as the James Bond aspect to ASS and Gonad’s lair a morphed Death Star. Beyond that, however, I started reading the VCA brochure that was in the DVD case since much of it seemed more interesting than the movie. This is a mildly amusing toon at times, but it had nothing to do with Conan, which I expected from the title. Sadly, it’s a toss up for best line between “I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, which is beating under my firm breast” and “Holy shit!”.

Gonad the Barbarian is a near waste of a DVD. Over the years I’ve been able to learn the difference between disliking a movie because it’s not my thing and disliking a movie because it was so horribly done that I’m not sure somebody knew which end of the camera to look in. I guess in this case it’d be which end of the pencil to draw with. There’s an easy reason why nothing from Search for Uranus shows on the cover other than its name, as it’s so bad that I’d rather give Rosie O’Donnell a sponge bath with my tongue than watch it again. It barely seems to know where it wants to go, and isn’t at all sexy. Gonad The Barbarian is a little better, but still not something I’d want to watch again. Pass this DVD just like it’s last night’s spicy burrito!

Extras: Trailers are included for Offenders of the Universe, Sex Wars, Ten Little Maidens, Maxine, and Taboo II.

Themes: Animated, lesbian, monster sex, non-consensual sex, interracial, toys, bestiality, B&D, and group

Condoms Usage: It’s not something I think cartoons have to worry about

Raincoat Factor: Very low

Overall: Currently, Gonad the Barbarian can be found online for between $15 and $25 with a few stores offering it near the low end. Don’t even think of paying this much for this one! Nothing about it is worth much of anything.

Note to VCA: You might want to see how cheap you can allow retailers to sell this one.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight