Golden Girls (Hustler) Review

Running Time: 88 min.

Production Date: 10 / 20 / 2000

Director: Frank Thring

Cast: Wendy Divine, Betty, Tatyana, Daniella, Vanda, Christal, Lucky, Melony, Nicolette, Thomas Thone, Frank Gun, Rick Renato, Eric Masterson, and Alex in sexual roles, and Chris Taylor, Frank Thring, and Lee Francis in a non-sex role

Initial Expectations: I bought this one as soon as I saw both Frank Thring and Wendy Divine were involved with it. With these two I’m going in with high expectations.

Initial Reaction: It beats cleaning the bathroom.

Who Should Watch It : Fans of porn and James Bond movies, anybody who likes a little plot with some fairly nasty but drawn out sex

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who wants a lot of Euro-style sex

Audio /Video Quality: The audio and video are both pretty good. The audio is clear and doesn’t have any kind of background noises, but the balance changed several times throughout the movie making me repeatedly adjust my volume. The video is also pretty good. There’s very little grain, and although the lighting varies a bit throughout the movie, it works for the feature.

Music: The music is a nice blend of James Bond type spy music with techno and porno music. It works very well for the movie, fitting both the sex and the spy movie feel. It ranges from being nicely balanced with the rest of the audio to being the only audio, and works both ways.

Menus: The menus are very nicely done. The main menu is nicely animated and gives a great first impression. The chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and a title for the scene. After selecting a scene, you’re given a second menu that lets you select a specific point in the scene to jump to.

The Feature: When a famous scientist disappears, P (Frank Thring) thinks SPRINKLE is behind it. He sends Lulu Bond (Wendy Divine) to Budapest to investigate it. Of course, if you’re going to have to investigate things in a porno, what better place could you pick than Budapest?

Betty starts things out with Euro stud Thomas Thone while barely avoiding catching Vanda snooping through their place. She mouths his manhood and gives him some great eyes while he oohs and aahs at her oral affections. Thomas kisses Betty’s thigh on the way to her lower lips, and gives it a licking before a sticking. After getting the vaginal stuff out of the way, Betty moves up for some reverse cowgirl anal while rubbing her nub and then lays back for some anal spooning. Finally, Betty does her best baby bird impression while Thomas strokes himself onto her tongue. It’s a good scene once it gets to the anal, but the vaginal seemed like it was aiming for a softcore approach. Either you had a close-up penetration shot or you had a distance shot that didn’t show anything.

Ultra-cutie Wendy Divine masturbates while in the shower in the second scene. Unlike most shower scenes, Wendy actually uses soap to lather herself up with one hand while diddling herself with the other. It’s a nicely drawn out scene that lets you admire just how cute Wendy is. Unfortunately she’s interrupted by the phone, but finishes things off with a little pissing after hanging up. It’s a very laid back scene, but works nicely.

While waiting for her offscreen hubby Eric Masterson, Wendy Divine watches some of the girls in the club. Christal, Lucky, Melony, and Nicolette give Alex and another guy a little oral loving. In both situations, the girls team up nicely on their guy until he gives them a nice facial. It’s a good oral scene, and works nicely cut together with the other footage from the club.

Wendy Divine makes the moves on Eric Masterson back at her hotel room. After a little kiss he dives between her thighs and then goes directly to nailing her from behind. They work through a bit of reverse cowgirl and spoon before Wendy finally sucks and strokes Eric onto her mouth. I’m not sure why, but this one seemed fairly mechanical to me. Normally Eric and Wendy do a much better job together, and here she seemed to be overcompensating a little. The afterplay, however, was wonderful and showed more chemistry than most of the rest of the movie combined. Although I was a bit disappointed in the scene at the pop shot, afterwards I was pretty happy with it.

Vanda watches and masturbates as Betty takes on Frank Gun and Rick Renato. Betty works her way between the guys, letting them fuck each of her holes before finally double teaming her. Finally, she sucks and strokes both guys until they pop in her mouth. It’s a good scene, but I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed at how small a part Vanda played in it.

Betty gives Wendy Divine a little desert to go along with her meal in the penultimate scene. They slowly take turns taste testing each other before Wendy finally goes down to tongue and finger Betty’s twat. It’s a slow, drawn out, and very one-sided scene that moved slower than a Democrat on his way to give out tax cuts. Even worse, it cut together these two beauties going at it with pictures of Eric Masterson running. I have nothing against Eric, since he’s becoming one of my favorite leading men in porn, but I’d much rather watch gorgeous women making out then him running! Sadly, this one didn’t do anything other than make me reach for the fast forward button so I could actually see something happening (and get back to the beautiful women getting busy).

Finally, Daniella and Tatyana do Eric Masterson and Thomas Thone. After a little head, the guys do directly to fucking the girls, neither of whom are that attractive. Once again, the editing didn’t do much for me, and the scene felt cobbled together. I know hate is a very strong word, but it’s also a great word to describe my feelings for this scene.

Golden Girls is more than a little tarnished. The idea’s great and a lot of fun, and Wendy Divine does a good job playing her part as Lulu Bond. By the middle of the movie, it seemed almost like Mr. Thring forgot where he was going, and just threw the rest of the movie together. The ending especially, is so laughably bad that if it weren’t for knowing there were only a few minutes left in the movie, I would have considered turning it off. Unfortunately, the editing of the movie didn’t do anything for me either. Everything seemed very slow and very drawn out to the point that some scenes seemed like nothing even really happened, and many of the scenes felt cobbled together. Sadly, Golden Girls might have benefitted by bringing in Betty White and the other old biddies. Skip this one.

Extras: Trailers are included for Hustler’s Barely Legal, Hot Showers, Asian Fever, and Jail Babes series as well as DJ Groupie and Porno Vision. The photo gallery lasts about a minute and a half with about six seconds per very nice looking snapshot. There’s also a bit on Frank Thring, including trailers for his Mr. Beaver series and a seven minute behind the scenes featurette from Mr. Beaver that appears to give a very nice taste for the series.

Themes: Straight, anal, masturbation, pissing, group, oral, fetishwear, DP, and lesbian

Raincoat Factor: Medium

Overall: Currently, Golden Girls can be found online for between $17 and $24 with a few stores offering it under $20. If you have to watch this one, rent it. The sex is slow and poorly edited and the transfer isn’t up to Hustler’s normal high quality. The only thing close to Hustler’s normal standard is the extras, which gives some nice Frank Thring stuff.

Note to Hustler: I guess everybody hits a bump in the road now and then.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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