Gigantic Joggies 3: Big Ol' Boobies!

Studio: FYA Intimate

Stars: Brittney O'Neil, Echo Valley, Harmony Bliss and Deena Duo

Running time: 1 hour 19 minutes

I reviewed a bunch of movies from another company that specializes in real-world pretty girls in their twenties, no bleached hair, no silicone, no bad music, no talking, just masturbating the way they normally would as if there were no camera.

This is the opposite end of that spectrum.

Four girls, all blondes (after a fashion), all of them with enough silicone under their nipples to keep them afloat in the middle of the ocean, all of them look like they've seen their odometers turn over more than a couple of times.

Each girl has her own scene. She begins clothed and slowly strips. Lots of boob play and some nipple sucking (which is quite a feat), then finally some masturbation with big dildo or vibe. There's some talking, though none of them are chatterboxes, and some music in the background. All of it looks choreographed or at least coached all of these girls appear to be stripper/dancers or models, and they're very aware that they're putting on a show.

Physical beauty is a big element here: there's a reason they have incredibly huge boobs (Brittney O'Neil is smallest at 42 EEE). They were probably all cute during the senior Bush adminstration, but now we're pushing it. One scene in particular has given me nightmares. Remember the giant, oversized alien heads on some 1960s tv shows, like the Telosians from Star Trek? The kind with the huge, raised, rope-like arteries under the skin? There's more than a little of that going on here. Another portion from that scene defies my powers of description, except to say that there isn't enough Visine at the local pharmacy to soothe my eyes. We're not just talking saggy skin, wrinkles, or what may be visible ligaments under that hyde— there are simply no words in English for it. I almost posted a vidcap of it, but I thought I'd be banned it conforms to the ADT image policy, but it shouldn't.

Another mind stretcher— there's a clip where Deena Duo is finishing herself off with a monsterous rabbit-style vibe. She's on her back (and with her juggs, that's about all you can do), legs spread with this rabbit vibe planted on her puss, and it looks like a scene from the movie Alien. She's screaming, I'm screaming, and it's all being drowned out by a punk-rock music-bed.

Video quality varies from mediocre to gawd-awful. The first scene has the prettiest girl, but it's awash in red I don't know if they truly meant it that way or if the color balance is simply wrong, but it's unfortunate regardless. Subsequent scenes have a little better color, but it's garish bordering on day-glo. Audio is so-so, but considering the content you're not really missing anything. Chapter stops only take you to the beginning of each scene.

Special Features: The usual photo gallery, plus lots of trailers for other titles from this studio. The trailers to some of the other titles look better, so I wouldn't write-off the studio just because this one is so bad.

Final verdict: This keeps me up at night— and not in a good way. There are images here that are straight out of H.P. Lovecraft. It makes me want to view the next title wearing welding goggles.

As they say on Fark: Do Not Want!!!