Gangbang Cafe Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  12/30/2003

You would think that with a cast like this and a directorix like Chi Chi at the helm this would be one hell of a film, right? Wrong! There are some beautiful studs here, such as the hunky Australian Joey Caruso; and some big cocks like Spike, Colton Ford, and Michael Brandon. But it’s just fuck-for-the money, folks. I suppose when one cranks out as many films as Chi Chi some of them have to be clinkers. This one goes Clunk!

It starts with Spike and his lover Ryan Chandler sitting at an outdoor café. The waiter is having to wait as Ryan goes under the table to suck on Spike’s spike. They soon move indoors and that’s where the trouble begins. The problem is with a ceiling fan that plays holy hell with the lights on the white tablecloths. It’s an inadvertent strobe effect guaranteed to bring on epileptic seizures. An orgy develops as other customers, the waiter, and finally the cook join in. And so for 40 minutes we watch these hunks having lethargic sex as the ceiling fan whirls about driving the viewer nuts. Surely by looking at the monitor the director and crew could see what was happening, but I suppose they thought it was more important to keep the performers cool. The performers were too damn cool if you ask me, and I was downright frigid when I should have been rigid. NO ONE CUMS! Forty friggin’ minutes and nary a cum shot!

Then with no transition whatsoever we find the performers in what appears to be a cellar. We are up to the full eight-man cast now and thankfully there is no ceiling fan. Michael Brandon goes down a line of waiting studs and eats out their asses one by one. The next logical step would be for him to then go down the line fucking each with that monster cock of his. But, NO.

We cut to Spike on all fours as one by one the guys file by to fuck him. As Michael Brandon is screwing him the others flag their meat desperately trying to jack off. I’ve never seen such shaking since a Jerry Lee Lewis concert. Finally some mange to dribble out some spunk on Spike like overly-milked cows.

The film fades out on a close-up of a trash can—a fitting metaphor for the film.

Chi Chi must have slept through this one. You will, too.