Gang Bang Angels 9 (Elegant Angel) Review

Starring: Miko Lee

Before I ever saw a gang bang video, I thought the whole concept was as extreme and perverse as anything that had ever been recorded on videotape. At the time the first gang bangs came out, that probably wasn't much in the way of hyperbole. Of course, gang bangs define a whole genre of porn now, and the novelty has worn off. The idea of a room full of guys fucking the same girl just isn't as exciting as it used to be. Sometimes, though not often, one of these gang bangs does something to draw your attention. I'm not going to say Gang Bang Angels 9 reinvents the form, but it certainly fulfills it's obligations. That is to say, it doesn't disappoint.

Miko Lee--the center of attention--is as attractive a girl as any of us are likely to ever see up close, and she's the reason this title stands out from others. Her exotic Asian looks, of course, are a part of the appeal, but even if you were to see her in silhouette you might find yourself wiping drool away your chin. She's a sexy girl. And young. She's only nineteen years-old during the making of this video, and when she talks, she smiles. She smiles when she fucks, too, and I'm a sucker for porn stars who enjoy themselves.

Got questions? Maybe I have answers:

Is this movie violent enough to turn on a sexually frustrated misogynist?

I wouldn't call it violent. Nobody gets punched or slapped around, nor is anyone asked to puke something up or to display a piece of hackneyed religious iconography in a transparent attempt at controversy.

So, there's a lot of soft love-making and kissing on the cheek?

No. There's a lot of anal, DP, and facials. This is a nasty gang bang video. For the average man on the street, Gang Bang Angels 9 is a profoundly dirty movie. For the regular porn consumer, it's just a lot of nasty fun.

Tell me, how does Miko Lee look? Please phrase your answer in the form of a George Jones song lyric.

She's hotter than a two-dollar pistol, she's the fastest thing around. Long and lean, every young man's dream. She turns every head in town.

Sounds nice. Perhaps I shall make her my concubine.

She'd make a mighty fine concubine. She really has an incredibly beautiful body, even if the tits are fake. Her skin is dark and completely unblemished, except for her face which shows off some teenage acne as she becomes more and more flushed. Personally, I have no complaints with her looks, but some folks can get a little picky. I'd say the "Angel" in the DVD's title is deserved.

Wait, Miko Lee also starred in Gang Bang Bitches 29. How can she be both a Gang Bang Angel and a Gang Bang Bitch? Isn't she being self contradictory? Which is she, a bitch or an angel?

You're exactly right! She is being self contradictory. So, let us apply logic. An angel is a celestial being that acts as an intermediary between Heaven and Earth, and as such is pure in a way that mortals are not. A bitch, as the word is used here, is a rude woman given to lewd or spiteful behavior. Clearly, Miko Lee's behavior is lewd. Good girls, after all, don't allow their sphincters to be stretched out by porn star penis. That said, I'm not ready to call a girl that looks this good a bitch. Or, for that matter, I'm not ready to accept the concept of an angel with so much cum on her face that when she goes to wipe it off she misses some. Ultimately, it all comes down to personal experience. If you're one of the happy few that actually gets to fuck her for money, then she's an angel. For the cock-teased masses who can only look, she's a bitch. Perhaps we can just agree to call her an Ambivalent Gang Bang Entity.

Asian girls have sideways vaginas, yes?

Yes. That's true. All Asian women have sideways vaginas.

The gang bang concept is a good one on paper, but always ends up with thirty men loitering around the same woman while fondling themselves. That kind of freaks me out.

Yeah, me too. If I want to see a man smacking his own penis around I'll just look in the mirror. This isn't one of those record breaking gang bangs, though, so you don't have to worry about hundreds loitering naked men. But, for heterosexual porn, there's still a whole lot of dick in this video. Wisely, they're not the focus here. Miko Lee is the center of attention and she just looks so good that your eyes aren't so easily distracted by all that man-ass and unused penis. Still, there's just no way around the fact there are more naked men here than there are naked women. If you're into gang bangs, then you've come to accept that. If you're not into gang bangs, then you're not interested in this movie anyway. Or, at least you shouldn't be.

What's better, Gang Bang Angels 9, My Plaything with Miko Lee, or a plot-driven movie that features her?

I can't answer that question, and not just because I haven't seen her in My Plaything or a plot-driven movie. I can't give you an answer because the question is moot. As gang bangs go, this is a pretty good one. The girl looks good, the sex is nasty, and you get (for the most part) an unobstructed view of the action. To complain that it's not as good as a virtual sex DVD is like criticizing Saving Private Ryan for being the worst comedy you ever saw. It's a gang bang; don't expect something else.

Do you have any simple recipes for tomatoes?

Do I ever! Cut up a home grown tomato and put it in a bowl with a cut up cucumber. Throw in some feta cheese, toss it all with some oil and vinegar, and that's it. That's some tasty summer eating!

What's longer, Miko Lee's legs or the line for Space Mountain at Disneyland?

That's absurd. Miko has great legs, but she's still only five-feet-something tall. So, her legs are considerably shorter. On the other hand, I don't think the Space Mountain line would feel nearly as good wrapped around my lower back while I fuck it.

I just love to whack off to animated menus. Are there any here?

Honestly, I don't recall. I don't think so. There are some pretty good extras, though, like a brief history of Buttwoman along with some footage of all the hot-assed women who've filled that role. There are some trailers, of course, and a photo gallery. Then, at the end of the main feature there's some behind the scene footage that's both annoying and entertaining at the same time...kind of like the Beastie Boys. The video here is ok, as is the sound, but I wouldn't say videophiles and audiophiles are going to fight over who's more pleased. All in all, it's a professional presentation.

If I buy this, will it compel my cock and balls to gang bang my hand?

If you like things nasty, then yes, I'd say that would be a reasonable expectation.