Fuck You, Ass Whores 5 Review

Running Time: 111 min.

Production Date: 7 / 13 - 14 / 1998

Director: Alex Ladd

Cast: Inari Vachs, Sana Fey, Nancy Vee, Amber Michaels, Cassandra Knight, Christgen Wolf, Emilia, Marc Davis, Jake Steed, Tyce Bune, and Vince Voyeur

Initial Expectations: I’ve had pretty good luck with Metro’s all sex features, so I’m expecting at least an average feature.

Initial Reaction: It almost put me to sleep.

Who Should Watch It : Extreme fans of the stars and people who only want a little anal sex in scenes

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting a lot of anal sex or intense anal sex

Audio /Video Quality: The audio is spotty. Frequently there’s no sex sounds in the scene, and when there are the audio is fairly low. There are also a few times when you can hear the stars being given directions. The video is pretty clear, and has the same feel as a well done home video.

Music: The music is at a comfortable level, but is frequently the only audio in the scene. It’s also some of the most annoying bad porno music I’ve heard in a long time.

Menus: The main menu is extremely basic and doesn’t do much to set an overwhelmingly good first impression. The chapter menu is pretty standard and shows a small clip of the scene with a scene number.

The Feature: Sometimes a person just needs to see some good old fashioned ass fucking without worrying about anything else, like plots, sets, or almost anything else. Fuck You Ass Whores 5 continues a series that should provide just that. All the scenes are completely independent and without setup, with the exception of almost every scene starting out focusing on a nice ass.

Christgen Wolf starts out this volume with Mark Davis’ tongue in her ass. Christen is a bleached blonde with quite a few tattoos that looks like she’s been around the block a few times. It’s a look that I’m sure most bikers and over the road truckers find extremely hot. Despite her trailer trash look, I couldn’t help but take a liking to her almost from the start. She has great enthusiasm for getting her holes reamed, and it appeared the only thing that could get the smile off her face as Mark was warming up her ass was seeing her parole officer show up unexpectedly. She gives Mark a blowjob that she looks like she thoroughly enjoys giving, and then lies back so he can rim her ass a bit more. Surprisingly, Mark actually starts out fucking her pussy, which he does both in missionary and doggie as Christgen bucks and screams away. Mark also choked her a bit, which I have to admit confused me a little. I know Mark likes rougher sex, and it appears Christgen does also, but here I think he might have been trying to save his eardrums. She has Mark lube her up with a bit of spit and then fuck her ass without any additional lube. He works her ass both from behind and on top before coating her tongue with his joy juice. It’s a surprisingly hot scene that gets that far due to both Mark and Christgen having an obviously great time. They both smile and laugh a few times while also pushing each other further sexually. It really makes for a great scene!

Vince Voyeur lubes up Sana Fey’s ass next before sliding his finger in. He fingers it a little and then sits back so she can suck his cock. She does a good enough job that Vince goes back to lick her pussy a little before fucking it from behind. Vince works Sana’s pussy a little more missionary style before moving onto, or is that into, her ass, which he also works in a couple of the standard positions. Sana takes a decent facial finish to end this by the numbers scene. I’m not sure if Sana was that into a cock in her ass or if she was a little in pain here. She kept her head down for much of it and also seemed to wince quite a bit.

Tyce Bune works his aged tongue into Emilia’s ass and pussy from behind next. Emilia’s a pretty nice looking blonde with a few tattoos, a couple piercings, and a nice set of natural tits, which is kind of surprising with some of the other enhancements she had done. Tyce takes his time licking her pussy and ass since, well, at Tyce’s age you just can’t rush him unless you use prunes. Emilia returns the favor with a pretty standard blowjob before lying there for Tyce to fuck her as she rubs her pussy as if her life, or at least orgasm, depends on it. Emilia rolls over into what most people call “doggie”, but I think Tyce refers to as “walker”, where he fucks her pussy before laying down to spoon her ass. They put some nice energy into the reverse cowgirl they finish with before Tyce gives Emilia a nice dose of dick droppings. It’s a fairly boring scene that’s also very by the numbers. Every now and then you can hear the cash register in the background of a scene, and this was one of them.

Amber Michaels and Cassandra Knight work on each other in the next scene. It’s a pretty boring scene. The girls take turns licking a little pussy, never seem to think about sliding their tongue over the other hole, as an ass whore might do. Towards the end of the scene they finally work a couple fingers past each other’s pucker, as well as toys, but by then I had almost fallen asleep out of boredom.

Inari Vachs takes on Vince Voyeur and Mark Davis next. She starts out sucking Vince’s cock as Mark warms up both her holes. Vince takes the first turn in Inari’s twat while she sucks Mark’s cock, but Mark gets to take the first turn in her ass. Inari’s one of the few starts that you barely, if ever, hear anything negative about both as a performer and a person. This scene really showed why this feature sucked. I think I actually caught Mark Davis looking around the room for a clock while fucking her in the ass. They finish things off with a double penetration before Inari takes a smiling facial. It makes for a great ending for a couple reasons. First, Inari looks like she’s loving her spooge shower. Second, ths scene is finally done.

Nancy Vee, an average looking brunette with a small rack and nice body, finishes things off with Jake Steed. She sucks his cock while standing up before sitting down on it. Nancy doesn’t get any warmup, but Jake does give Nancy’s pussy over quite a bit of attention before a short trip through her backdoor. It’s another disappointing scene that barely pays any attention to anything anal. Out of nearly a twenty minute scene, there’s barely two minutes of anal and not even any rimming. If that isn’t bad enough, the chemistry and heat really lacked in this scene also.

Fuck You Ass Whores 5 is a very by the numbers porno. There’s very little here that’s really worthwhile outside of the opening scene with Christgen Wolf and Mark Davis, which is extremely fun to watch. More than anything, this is just a sad feature. There’s a lot of talent here, such as the almost always amazing Inari Vachs, but it’s all basically wasted. The stars seem to do a pretty good job, but the editing is so slow and boring that I almost fell asleep watching it. Actually, I almost fell asleep watching this twice. The first time I tried watching this was a few months ago, and it took me almost that long to save up enough sleep so it wouldn’t happen again. If you’re looking for a nonthreatening anal sex feature without any of the extreme circus antics, Fuck You Ass Whores 5 might be a great choice. Otherwise, you might want to keep on moving past it.

Extras: The photo gallery lasts about thee and a half minutes with about five seconds per average looking photo. There’s also corporate information on the feature side of the DVD. The B-side of the DVD is filled with trailers, thirty two of them to be exact, as well as a web link.

Themes: Straight, rimming (male > female), anal, group, DP, lesbian, toys, and inter-racial

Raincoat Factor: Extreme

Overall: Currently, Fuck You Ass Whores 5 can be found online for between $14 and $22 with quite a few stores offering it near the low end. If you’re tempted, rent this one first. The sex isn’t all bad, but it does leave a heck of a lot to be desired. The transfer is pretty average, but the extras don’t really add a thing.

Note to Metro: This series would be a lot better if you’d actually concentrate on things anal related and edit your features better.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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