Fuck Myself Review

Fuck Myself

Studio: Low Art

Stars: Ann Marie Rios, Nikki Rhodes, Jayden Jaymes, Sarah Sloan, Karlee Montana, Alexis Amore, See J Raw, Capri Cavalli and Lindy Lane

Running time: Disc 1: 1 hour 8 minutes, Disc 2: 53 minutes

Female solo masturbation isn't exactly a tiny niche fetish, a lot of guys find it super erotic, and yet almost nobody wants to do it. It's like they say, "who wants to watch a woman make herself cum? That's boring." So they make her put on a big show. Play like you're on stage. Or worse—let's make a Video out of it.

This is one of those artsy-fartsy things that tries for a High Concept. In this case, it's "the prettiest filth." Yeah, it's pretty to look at, but it's also pretty lame. They took nine performers in nine different scenes and each one's a concept: the Tease, the Model, the Foot Girl, the Experiment, the Broken Doll, the Film Whore, the Lolita, the Drunk and the Dancer. Some examples: the Film Whore has black electrical tape x's over her nipples. Why? Damned if I know. The Dancer is in a basement with water splashing around and lots of gel lights. The Broken Doll may be the weirdest: the girl has makeup to show stitches. Why? Don't know. Pretty to look at but what the fuck? I get the impression the people who made this thing (Oren Cohen and "Mrs. Cohen") probably had a blast planning it. It looks like it would have been fun. But it's all concept and no erotica, unless you're 16 and the sight of any bare tits and muff gets you hard.

Special Features: none, just trailers for other titles.

Production values: the video is bright and crisp and clean, and it's slick and polished. Same with the audio. But you've got the annoying music track. The DVD is simple and well laid out, and there are a decent number of chapters. But for a 2-disc set there's just barely over an hour on Disc 1 and less than hour on Disc 2. Why not a single disc?

Final verdict: Everyone wants to be Michael Ninn but it never works. Yeah it's pretty, and yeah it's a lot more effort and talent than "throw a sheet over a sofa, here's hour dildo, get going" porn. But I watch this and I ask, did they lose track of what they're trying to do? What's this for? Is it just a glamour study, because I can't imagine a guy (or woman) watching this with the intent of masturbating.