Reviewed by The Pocketcomb Pimp  on  2/28/2004

It’s time to talk about Justin Slayer’s

#1, This movie ain’t too fresh. Since Justin’s last release Ben and Jen have broke up. Alex Rodriguez has become a Yankee, Brittany Spears has been married and annulled. My Seattle Supersonics have fallen from 3rd place all the way down to 17th. TV show Ed, has moved from Friday, to Wednesday, back to Friday, and since been cancelled. The final straw is Co-Star Soma has had her breast done, healed, and put out at least one title with her new chest prior to this release.

In his defense, not a lot has come out in the last few months, but can you think of a better time to put your stuff on the market?

The title stars out with some fresh music over the FBI warning. This caught my attention. It was obvious that Justin had headed his fans request for better music. At long last, a few trailers as well. The trailers looked promising, but the audio was way to hot. Hopefully somebody learns that audio is at least 50% of the picture. It would also be lovely to have a few more trailers of what’s coming out, not just what’s on the market. Don’t be greedy, take a clue from Red Light District, 20 minutes of trailers ain’t hurt nobody!

First scene was with Cynthia Pendragon.

This is a woman that I have waited almost a year for. Incredible figure, beautiful smile, and one hell of an ass tease. This scene was long overdue. I had forgotten about the poetic imagery that Justin weaves into his scenes. While Cynthia is putting on a full body tease for the camera, I couldn’t help but notice that the ceiling of the garage was painted with the “Soul Train” Sooner than I could scan the frame for Don Cornelius, Justin bust in like a runaway slave. With his shirt tucked behind his neck, Justin wasted no time in sampling the fruits of his labor. Justin laid this Hungarian beauty on some cheap table he bought at Ikea.

It’s as if he wanted her to know that even though her motherland sends cheap furniture over to the US, it’s sturdy enough to rock dat body on. Justin then stood up to allow her to slob his man meat for a while. During what should go down as the “Red Lobster Baby Bib of Excellence award” for the sloppiest blow job, Cynthia held his 11 inches of swollen goodness and looks directly into the camera and winks. I don’t want to give away too much, but let’s just say that she rides her man like a rented mule, and it’s a long way to the base of The Grand Canyon.

#2 Sue Diamond.

Never heard of her, but you can best bet that I will be submitting my application to her fan club this week. I’m not a fan of natural breast, but a girl like her has made me a believer.

That was one woman with an A+ on appearance. Watching this scene was like watching an old Tyson fight. Three words, “Rough, Rugged, and Raw” She used him like a personal Pogo Stick. It’s this kind of heat that can’t be faked, you knew these two were going for a TKO. After the scene, Justin popped on her about 3 more times. After a fade to black, this quote appeared on screen.

“That pussy was good as a muhfuk”

#3, Soma
Something about this girl is just sexy. She looks like a younger version of Prince’s Ex-Wife. The scene starts out with her giving head to Justin and another guy. Soma is bent over and you see an asssssssssss like an apple. Once Justin slides in her, and all kinds of ooze is on his dick. It was like Juice on the loose! But not apple juice, OJ. OJ Simpson that is. You see, Soma also looked like a young Devon Shire, and you know she testified in the OJ case. So if Justin was OJ, his partner must have been AC. Justin was hittin that ass like OJ was innocent! At one point I swore he said “If the dick don’t fit, you must aquit.” Soon after Soma was face forward and suspended while catching some severe plowing doggie style. If was like that scene from Titanic, and Slayer was the “New IR King of The World.” Hold on, I’m getting off track. This was about OJ, and those two guys tossed her back and forth like a Nerf Football. Talk about backfield in motion.. Justin’s buddy looked a bit on the country side, but that’s okay cause he put that Beverly Hillbillies lovin on her, and when he popped, it was no secret that Jeb was a Millionaire, cause that Texas Tea was spewing something terrible.

#4 Tina This was the shortest scene, but I loved it. It was typical of many women today. They want a black man, but ain’t ready for the lovin that comes with it. She had attitude as if she was ghetto famous. She sat on Justin’s face, and looked into the camera like she had the key to the city. Once Justin had her spot ready, her flipped her over and did her like a cheap blow up doll. Justin once again sprung out his circus lovin. He lifted her leg while he came in Doggy Style, and she looked like she had lifted up on the wrong Fire Hydrant. She got just what she deserved for trying to run with the big dogs when she’s still a pup.

#5 Tera Joy.
Her name said it all. Happy Happy Joy Joy! This scene started with out with Justin reminiscing about the good old days with “Muthafuckin HJ.” He walked the streets with what appears to be a sprite in his hand. Tera was right there with him. Before they even put her name on the screen Justin had heeded the warning, and “Obeyed His Thirst” He took her into some broke down palace next to the hotel where they were staying. It was at this point that I realized that Gonzo was dead. That day Justin coined a new term

Guerrilla Porn!

It’s obvious that dis nucka don’t need nothing but a cardboard box to fuck the industries finest hoes. In the spirit of a true street child, leaving that shack, Justin looked the camera and said “Fucked my Tim(berland)s up!”

This girl was a show stoppa. I thought she was having a seizure from too much chocolate. I ain’t seen a freak like that since I fucked that girl that was out on parole. If you don’t know fellas, I suggest you find out, cause felons need love too. I’m not sure, cause tha audio wasn’t clean, but I swear she told Justin that she loved him while he was putting that Reverse Donkey Kong move on her.

He had her spot greasy like a pound of bacon, she was obviously spent. No sooner than I thought I had seen it all, I heard an off camera voice say “This ain’t no rest haven for hoes” I can’t be sure, but she fucked liked her freedom depended on it!

Once again Slayer double dipped, and busted a series of nuts on her after the scene was over.

Good behind the scenes with Sue Diamond. If you see this, it leaves no doubt that she is down for the brown. Plus you get to see Justin dip his bucket laced up with the wood kit.

Anyway you sum this up, it’s got good wood. Audio was my only issue, and most of it was in the trailers. I’d give an A+ to the film itself, but DVD production still shows his sophomoric tenure in the industry. Hopefully people over at EA assist him on this. This is one brotha just shy of greatness.