Firm Hand Will Spank Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  1/12/2004

The Little Details

NOTE: This title was originally released with a title of Nasty Cracks.

Running Time: 50 min.

Production Date: 1993

Director: Roy Sparrow

Cast: Lilli X-Ene, Fantasia (better known as Brooke Ashley), Dominique Simone, Alicia Rio, Crystal Wilder, Desi DeAngelo, Tanya Storm, Angella Faith, and Jonathan Morgan

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I haven’t seen any of Metro’s fetish features, so I’m going in with an open mind.

Initial Reaction: It’s cheesy but amusing.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody who wants some cheesy fun spanking action

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who wants a serious spanking movie

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects take away any doubt you might have that the movie was made recently. The audio has a hiss in the background like there was a strong wind blowing during the movie and plenty of background noises. The movie sounds about like a 1930s movie that hadn’t went through any restoration. The video is much the same. It’s nicely lit, but it’s extremely grainy and there’s quite a few remnants.

Music: The music is so cheesy that I thought it might have been made by Kraft. It’s normally fairly quiet and never appears during the sex, which is a very good thing.

Menus: The main menu has a little animation to help it out, but that’s about it. The chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene.

The Feature

Firm Hand Will Spank collects three spanking vignettes. Each vignette starts out with a title screen to let you know what the vignette is called, as well as a cast listing for the scene. There’s a little setup for each scene, but not much more than that.

Scene 1 - Lilli Xene, Brooke Ashley, and Dominique Simone

The first scene is titled Show Time and stars Lilli Xene, Brooke Ashley (listed here as Fantasia), and Dominique Simone (listed here as just Dominique). After Brooke returns from sailing, she argues with Lilli about whether Lilli wanted to go or not. Brooke finally gives Lilli a spanking, a little oral attention for her tits, and makes Lilli crawl around on the floor before giving her a bit more spanking. Later, Lilli enlists Dominique to help her give Brooke a little spanking payback. They both spank Brooke before Lilli and Brooke play with each other’s tits while Dominique spanks Brooke alone. Finally, Brooke gets her revenge on the girls with a paddle.

This scene is pretty laughable. Sadly, I’m not sure that it’s meant to be, kind of like Lilli’s so-bad-I’m-not-sure-if-I-should-laugh-or-not boob job. Yes, it looks like it’s supposed to have a playful feel, but it feels so cheesy that it isn’t funny! The setups are mildly amusing, but the acting in each scene is so bad that Jesse Ventura could give them acting tips!

Scene 2 - Alicia Rio, Desi DeAngelo, and Jonathan Morgan

Jonathan Morgan takes on Alicia Rio and Desi DeAngelo in Ripe & Red, the second scene. When Alicia doesn’t meet Jonathan at the temple, he takes her over his knee and gives her a spanking. She fights it at first, but then gives in and encourages Jonathan to spank her as it starts to get nice and red. She diddles herself as Jonathan spanks her, getting into it more and more with plenty of trash talking, moaning, and even a few directions for Jonathan of how she wants to be spanked. Alicia crawls on all fours for Jonathan, nicely showing off her ass, and licks Jonathan’s hand so it can be nice and wet to spank her. Desi walks in on them as Alicia rides Jonathan’s foot, and quickly gets in enough trouble that Jonathan takes her across his knee and gives her a spanking with a little help from Alicia. Finally, Jonathan spanks both Alicia and Desi before Alicia helps him again while riding Jonathan’s knee.

This scene seems a little drawn out, but is okay. It’s biggest problem is that it seems like a repeat of the previous scene, just with different people. Alicia makes it fun by switching back and forth between getting spanked and helping Jonathan, and is the main thing that let this scene feel like something a bit different.

Scene 3 - Crystal Wilder, Tanya Storm, and Angela Faith

Showtime Part 2 finishes things up and stars Crystal Wilder, Tanya Storm, and Angela Faith. Crystal, a cute blonde, starts out lifting weights outside before Tanya, a rather unattractive brunette, gives her a spanking for not listening to her. Angella shows up and tries to stop Tanya, but instead ends up getting spanked herself. Tanya plays with Angella a little while spanking her, but the tables are turned on her as Crystal and Angella team up to spank her.

This scene seemed like the worst of the bunch. It’s the worst acted (although there isn’t such a thing as good acting here), and ends up pretty annoying. It also ends very sharply feeling like it has much more to go.

Firm Hand Will Spank is an easily skipped spanking movie. I really shouldn’t say that as I’m sure some people will really like it. It’s very light and it’s pretty clear that everybody’s having fun with it. What ruined it for me is that everything came off so fake and the attitudes changed so much back and forth in the scenes that the entire thing seemed like a joke to me. Of course, much of the cast was far from attractive, with every scene having one person who didn’t do anything at all for me. There’s plenty of spanking in Firm Hand Will Spank, so if that’s all you’re interested in you’ll probably come away happy, but if you want any depth from this one you’re going to have to drop it in a well.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery contains about fifteen nice looking snapshots. There’s also trailers for Being Porn Again, Fetish Whores, Blowjob Fantasies 19, Asian Hoze, and Skeeter Kerkove’s Double Anal Excursions 4. There’s also a photo gallery contains about eighteen very nice looking snapshots.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, B&D, spanking, interracial, masturbation, tease, and lesbian

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None needed

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Metro’s fetish DVDs can be found online for between $12 and $25 with a couple stores offering them for under $15. Rent this one before you even pay the low end here. There’s plenty of spanking, but it almost comes off as a joke. The technical aspects leave much to be desired and there isn’t anything for extras.

Note to Metro: I can’t help but wonder why you changed the name of this feature to release it!

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight