F My A Review

Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones  on  5/19/2005

J. Septo keeps coming back with more and more hits…

F My A

2005, 2 hours and 5 minutes
Venom Digital Media
Directed by Jordan Septo
Starring Alicia Rhodes, Melissa Lauren, Jayna Oso, Shy Love & Dillan Lauren

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What You Should Know: Jordan Septo strikes me as a man who shoots whenever the mood strikes him. He seemingly isn‘t concerned with carrying on existing series. Every few weeks we can look forward to a new movie and a somewhat new concept from the best director at Venom Digital Media. The latest is F My A and if you can‘t surmise what that stands for I wonder what you‘re doing reading this review. The focus here, of course, is on anal sex. The cast, in that case, is EXCELLENT from top to bottom, containing a bevy of beauties who all could lay claim to the crown of adult’s Queen of Anal. This flick is short on vaginal intercourse, in fact it‘s virtually non-existent so fans of series like “Straight to the “A“ and the like have yet another rectum-ripping delight to beat their meat to.
Scene One: Alicia Rhodes with Lee Stone

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When a girl like Alicia Rhodes says she likes nothing better than a big thick prick right up her ass fucking the shit out of her, I‘m inclined to believe it. This Manchester, England native has more than earned her reputation as a voluptuous and nasty bird to be reckoned with. Short in stature but long on dirty talk and even longer on dirty actions, Rhodes is arguably this country‘s greatest British import since The Beatles. And I happen to know for a fact that Alicia gives WAY better head than Ringo. Today she‘s outdoors with Lee Stone. After a standing sixty-nine she rides him anal reverse cowgirl and cowgirl, her big natural tits dancing as if Sgt Pepper‘s Lonely Hearts Club Band was actually playing. Stone really slams her ass in doggie and spoon; I thought the friction might cause the blanket they were fucking on to burst into flames. Alicia rubs small circles over her engorged clit and plunges her fingers deep into her visibly wet pussy while Lee pumps her ass mish. The scene is straight “A“ until the end, when Lee has to fuck Alicia‘s gash in order to cum. He rubs one out over her mouth and she plays with his stringy semen, letting it drip from her fingers. I haven't seen an Alicia Rhodes scene in a while; this one was a pleasant reminder of why it was so good to have her on these shores.


Scene Two: Jayna Oso with Marco Duato & Talon

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These guys waste no time bum rushing the set and making Jayna work their manhood simultaneously. Oso is as ready as anyone for a good dick down so she‘s more than willing when Duato bends her over and plugs her pussy standing doggie while Talon forces her face further and further into his crotch. Talon gets a taste of her Malaysian delights in reverse cowgirl before handing her back over to Marco who takes her doggie once again, this time anal. A brief cowgirl ride on Talon‘s tool becomes a double penetration, which Jayna reacts to like a child who just discovered their dad‘s Playboy collection in the garage. It isn‘t pleasure, it isn‘t pain -- she lets out an amused giggle, like she‘s in on some secret the rest of us know nothing about it. When it comes to being double-penetrated, at least for me, that‘s a secret she‘s welcome to keep to herself. They use their poles to pound her holes (that could be a catchy limerick!) and her orifices make that wet cardboard box sound as they collide inside her over and over again. The fellas take turns spelunking her dark and cavernous poop chute piledriver. Marco pops on Jayna‘s heart-shaped backside and Talon tosses his cream at her face, splattering the right side. It might be time for Septo to retire Jayna from his speed-dial. I love her and her energy to death but it is possible to cast someone too frequently.


Scene Three: Shy Love with Tony De Sergio

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Shy‘s loosely-tied corset top makes it real easy for her to pop those perfectly round implants out of there in a jiff, if need be. You just never know when you‘re going to have to bust a titty out in a hurry. For instance, right now. Love is talking to and teasing the camera and what better way to do that than to get topless? De Sergio‘s boner leads him straight to Shy‘s mouth and he parks it dead in her throat. After some reciprocal cunnilingus, Tony ravages Love‘s filthy fuckhole mish. A taste of her own juices later and Shy is pounding her asshole down on De Sergio‘s dick reverse cowgirl while he fingers her slit. The geometrically perfect and large half-grapefruits attached to her chest look as enticing as always, her tiny nipples very obviously stimulated to rock hard levels of erection. Anal missionary and spoon leaves Shy gasping for breath. I‘ve never seen this guy Tony in action before but in up-and-over doggie it‘s clear to see homie is packin‘ and he‘s not about to give Love‘s little bung the benefit of the doubt. Shy doesn‘t need it. She just throws her head back and rubs her clit with her mouth agape, completely lost in the moment. De Sergio uses his hand to work himself up to orgasm, rocketing his gunk into Love’s open mouth. She cleans up nicely, inhaling his prick completely, sucking every remaining drop from his rod. Shy remains a favorite of mine, with those big, expressive doe eyes and pronounced front choppers...she's like my adult-moving-making version of Denise Richards.


Scene Four: Melissa Lauren with Mark Davis

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Lauren is outdoors, but not on a lawn like Alicia Rhodes in our first scene, but rather on a futon of some sort. She talks to the camera for a minute before satisfying her hunger for cock with the members of Tyce Bune and Cheyne Collins. Tyce, the leathery and steely-eyed veteran is up and ready to go -- Collins requires a bit more work (I recall mentioning he had the same problem in Septo‘s 2 + Me = 3 with Sandra Romain and Jayna Oso. Perhaps these really intense chicks intimidate him?). To the victor go the spoils; Melissa lowers herself onto Tyce‘s ready appendage reverse cowgirl anal first while she continues to try to work a miracle with Cheyne. Sufficiently stiff, Collins plugs her pussy, locking Lauren into a DP. She flips over doggie style and the men continue to terrorize their same chosen holes; she rides Cheyne vag and Tyce fucks her ass. Melissa positions herself on the futon so that the small of her back rests on an arm and her upturned ass is readily available for Collins anal mish. He rocks her rectum while she keeps Tyce‘s dick wet with her lips. A twist of her hips puts her in the piledriver position where Tyce pokes and prods at her asshole and then Collins shovels his tool in between the folds of her pussy. Both spew across Melissa‘s tongue and she ambushes their cocks post-orgasm as if their spunk tasted like Mrs. Butterworth‘s maple syrup. Melissa is a starlet whose performances absolutely rely on the energy of her male partners. She feeds on that and if it's not there, you're not going to get a great scene out of her. These two, while capable, didn't elevate Lauren to heights I've seen her reach previously. They needed to kick it up a notch like Emeril to exhume something above average from her.


Scene Five: Dillan Lauren with Sascha

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If Jennifer Esposito did adult movies, she‘d be Dillan Lauren. I last saw Dillan in Bet Your Ass and Young Tight Latinas 7; in the time that‘s passed she‘s only gotten hotter. Her genuine lust for hardcore anal sex will serve her well today with Sascha. Dillan’s oral technique is fabulously frenetic but short-lived as she is eager to have her most sacred of holes crammed full of colossal cock. Sascha satisfies like a Snickers, ramming her upturned rectum rapidly doggie while Lauren polishes her pussy with her French-manicured, saliva-soaked fingertips. Leaving on nothing but her calf-high black leather whore heels, in anal reverse cowgirl and spoon, Dillan exhibits an unseen by me unbridled lust. She behaves as if Sascha’s prick somehow reaches an as-yet-undiscovered g-spot deep in her anus. Now in piledriver, Sascha righteously rails away at her reddened crevice, Dillan looking up at him with a piercing glare of pure simultaneous pleasure and pain in her hypnotizing eyes. These two work up a horny rhythm in anal mish until Sasha squirts streams of sperm onto Dillan‘s front teeth, bathing them in ball batter. If you wanna cast someone to death, put Dillan's number in the one-touch dialing section of your cellie.

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Overall:

I wondered if churning out so much porn so quickly would ever have its effect on Septo and perhaps it has. Not to say that F My A is bad, because it‘s far from bad but it feels like a project in between projects. Septo’s heart is missing here and everything comes off as porn for the sake of porn. Let‘s liken it to a certain Oscar-winning Hollywood actor for added perspective: for every Training Day, Antwone Fisher and Man On Fire Denzel Washington participates in, he seems to take on more suspect and pedestrian pictures in between; John Q, Out of Time and The Manchurian Candidate, for example. F My A, while more than solid in all areas and better than most cookie cutter crap cluttering the shelves at your local porn emporium, is Septo‘s The Siege. It‘s respectable but I know he‘s capable of so much better. I look forward to a more focused product with a purpose in the future.

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Special Features:

• Behind the Scenes (37:06, photo shoot and on the set with Shy Love, Alicia Rhodes; interviews with Melissa Lauren, Jayna Oso and Dillan Lauren as well as some on the set action with all five ladies)
• Photo Gallery (4:55, self-advancing, 60 shots)
• Trailers (for Absolute Ass 1-3, Ass 4 Cash 1 & 2, 2 + Me = 3, Teens Never Say No 3, Bros & Blondes 2 and Teen Latin Dolls 3)
• Cum Shots (5:01, one continuous loop, no option to select individually)

Crucifixio Jones