Every Man's Fetish: 18 & Barely Legal Review

Reviewed by Saki  on  1/2/2000

Every Man's Fetish: 18 & Barely Legal (1999)
Studio: Leisure Time/Empire
Directed by: Vamp
Starring: Teri Star, De'Lia, Cheyenne, Shay Sweet, Leanni Lei, Katie Gold, Ian Daniels, Dave Hardman, John West, Alex Metro, Chris Cannon, and Chuck Martino
Running Time: 2:04, not including the replayed footage at the end
DVD Features: 20-picture photo gallery

Plot Synopsis: No plot, this is a gonzo video. Pretty unrealistic setups with about a minute or two of small talk before the hardcore starts. I'm paraphrasing here, but this is one of the plots: Sitting by the pool, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know." "Have you ever tried anal sex?" "No." "Do you want to, right now?" "Okay." There go the clothes...

General Comments: I could spend all day pointing out the problems with this feature. Aside from the "there's no way in hell that could happen" setups, the dialogue makes the women sound not just naive, but decidely underage. Same thing with the pigtails, braids, and shaved pussies--it makes them look downright illegal. It doesn't matter that they make a point to say that they're over 18--the overall effect goes too far, IMHO.

Speaking about over 18, the case cover screams "WARNING: ALL ACTRESSES ARE BARELY OVER THE AGE OF 18 YEARS OLD" and "18 & Barely Legal." Bzzzzt! Thanks for playing! Most of them say in the video that they are 19! And they would look and sound like they were 19 if they didn't have those stupid pre-pubescent costumes, hairstyles, and script lines.

And don't even get me started on the editing and effects that are used! They change from color to black & white and use slow motion, freezes, and trick camera angles (shooting through furniture openings or off the reflections in sunglasses, etc.) to an excess. But the worst effect is the widespread use of video looping (taking a clip and replaying it over and over--example: "How old are you?" "I'm nineteen...nineteen...nineteen...nineteen." Argh!

One last general note: There are a couple of moments in the film you are either going to love or going to hate. There's a climax where the guy immediately bends down and gives the girl a kiss after he shoots all over her face. There's a brief lactation scene as well as some sock/foot worship. That's in addition to the whole young girl fetish thing that this video is about.

Notable Performances: Sadly, the actual sex is pretty decent and would be the stuff of a good DVD if it wasn't for all of the crap-filled baggage it brings with it. It's a waste of talent when you consider that Katie Gold and Leanni Lei are the least pretty of the girls! On the male side, with the exception of hardbody John West, the guys are pretty average though.

Sexwise, I liked something in just about every scene except for the last one with Katie and Leanni. The first scene features all-natural Teri Star and if you like coupling between two completely shaved people, it's nice eyecandy. De'Lia stars in the poolside plot wonder I talked about above, and is notable for the use of big anal beads. The downside is that the climax of the scene is pretty weak. One of my favorite cuties, Cheyenne, is next, and although she gives great head to both guys, the fucking did absolutely nothing to me because of the condoms. Now, I've got nothing against condoms in porn, except when they distract me from the action. In this case, it's pretty unerotic to see a standard white unlubricated condom-covered cock plunging in and out of a dry pussy--it's like seeing a dildo go into an artificial vagina toy. Finally, Shay Sweet lives up to her name and performs well despite the over-the-top schoolgirl costume and piano teacher-student setup they use.

DVD Notes: The video quality ranges from nice & clear to slightly below average--it's pretty much a VHS to DVD transfer. The photo gallery is quite good with some really nice hardcore magazine-quality images. But there are definite drawbacks to this disc: It's really irritating that you can't skip the compliance statements when you first put the disc in. I can understand why we can't skip past the copyright notices, but why force us to watch who's the custodian of records and so forth? Also, there are ads for phone sex and an adult website, as well as the boilerplate safe sex / "this is a fictional representation of sex" introduction that Leisure Time uses in all of its products. Serves me right--I was just thinking to myself how nice it was to get rid of all of the crappy advertising that is now commonplace on adult VHS tapes--I jinxed it! Acting like this junk is special by making them selectable from the main menu is worth some major bad karma points from me.

Bottom Line: This one's a rental, not a keeper. I really wanted to like this DVD--based on the performers and the cover art, I thought I would. But this disc really went too far in the whole "barely legal" aspect. Also, the keep case cover has more production value than the entire DVD. It's a pity, since the talent and the sex were above average. Just another reminder why I generally avoid anything from Leisure Time...