Double Dicked Bitches Review

* DIRECTOR: Various.
* DURATION: »85mins.
* STARRING: I’ve got no idea.

Good Fuck Productions is the company responsible for Double Dicked Bitches, a threesome compilation DVD. The ad copy really speaks for itself: “Dick in their mouth and pussy lovers. These are not one man women. And Yes, there is more than one girl in this video. We present our cover girl who is as NASTY as they CUM. And the rest of this video is packed with DOUBLE PENETRATED, CUM HOZED, BANGED-UP-THE-BUTT BITCHES you have never seen in your life. This video is not for the faint of heart. But it is for someone who wants to cum hard and fast.”

I think that’s the first time I’ve ever read the text on a porno cover. Quite entertaining really. Sadly, the DVD doesn’t live up to all of its bar-setting promises. There’s no anal (a.k.a. BANGED-UP-THE-BUTT sex) in the last scene and no penetration at all in the scene before that. On the other hand, the cover girl could be deemed "NASTY" as she squirts twice, and Good Fuck weren’t lying about me never having seen any of the other girls in my life. Maybe they’re tracking my viewing history.

Hmmm, that’s probably unlikely given the fact that their menu consisted of text on a blue background, their extras comprised a slideshow and phone sex ad, and the movie refused to return to the menu at any time while it was playing. In fact, even the auto-play feature was misleading. I left the DVD on for a while and it didn’t do anything. I had to manually start it up. On that basis, it would be paranoid of me to think that Good Fuck knew what girls I had and hadn’t seen in my porn-watching career. Unless that’s what they want me to think ...

Anyhow, it seems I am more amused by this DVD than I should be. Onto the scene summary.

I’d previously seen the first scene in 2’s Company but 3’s Allowed, a marginally better threesome compilation, which took it from a movie called Gush. The scene stars Jennifer Leigh, Dave Hardman and some other guy. It still seems odd that Good Fuck knew I had seen Leigh before, but not any of the other girls, not even once in my life! As they know so much about me, they must also know that I don’t recommend their movie and am glad I didn’t pay any money for it. Oh, the scene had anal, DP, good money shots and was average.

Moving along, we have two Russian guys dressed as soldiers. One remarks, “On a night like this I miss the raping and pillaging of the old days.” How charming and introspective. “Me too,” the other adds philosophically. Along comes an average American blonde, who promptly sucks their cocks, before they double-team her and pour a bottle of lube on her ass. A dark, slightly grainy scene. The girl had pretty bad implants. Single anal then a completely unsexy DP in 2 positions. The guys jerk fair loads on her face. Was there any heat? Indeed, the girl was packing heat! She pulls her piece and shoots the Russians dead. Okey dokey.

Anyhow, next is a perfectly average scene with a plain blonde, Kyle Stone and another dude. On the tacky space station set, the blonde blows Kyle then mounts the other guy. Mish anal then the requisite poorly-filmed but somewhat energetic DP. God that looks painful. Quite a lot of DP before the dude cums on her chin decently and Kyle shoots a reasonable load on her pussy. Eh.

An average brunette with sunglasses does some very bad modelling at the top of some stairs. She’s a pretty poor dancer but she puts some effort in and she has a lovely ass. She uses her hands and a dildo on both holes. Two rude men interrupt her and pour oil on her body. She then sucks her flaccid, unannounced guests. They jerk off and give her two good facials for her efforts.

Finally, we have two blondes with partial black rubber outfits. One gives head, the other feeds her an ice cube, which she crunches and holds in her mouth while resuming the b.j. That looks mighty enjoyable I must say. Erm, the receiving of the b.j. that is. The camera reveals the guy is wearing a breathing filter and a braided Goldilocks wig. Hmmm, interesting. Another guy shows up and the b.j. girl has sex with both while the other watches and offers the occasional odd comment. No anal. The guys cum in a steel dish with some water and ice and she pours it on herself.

Anyhow, while I seem to have found this movie amusing to review, I can’t recommend watching it. Yeah. I would write some notes for Good Fuck but they already know what I’m thinking. Don’t let them get to you!