Divorced & Horny (Metro) Review

Running Time: 85 min.

Production Date: 8 / 8 / 2002 through 8 / 24 / 2002

Director: Roman Pornanski

Cast: Michelle St. James, Mia, Cheri, McKenzie Blue, Brandy, Kelly Moon, Krysti Waters, Dino Bravo, Guy DiSilva, and Rod Fontana

Initial Expectations: I have no clue what to expect here other than this one should have a few ladies I haven’t seen before.

Initial Reaction: It’s not worth risking your marriage over.

Who Should Watch It : Raincoaters who want women rather than girls

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who thinks porn stars shouldn’t look old enough to drive

Audio /Video Quality: For a low budget feature, the technical aspects aren’t too bad. The audio is pretty clear and well balanced, although there are a few background noises. The video is pretty well lit, but does have a bit of grain to it. You also see shadows and hints of the crew several times throughout the feature. It’s better than VHS, but not a lot.

Music: None.

Menus: The menus are nothing special, but still done decently. There’s a little animation in the background of the main menu and the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip from the scene and a scene number.

The Feature: It’s not hard to tell what separates Roman Pornanski from Roman Polanski. The girls here are legal and appear consenting, and I think Pornanski can travel to whatever country he wants. Anyway, he starts each scene with a short lead-in that’s normally mildly amusing before getting down to the down and dirty business.

Brandy, a good looking brunette, gets busy with pool boy Dino Bravo after he levels her pool table. They nicely exchange oral favors before Brandy moves up to ride Dino as he sits back in her swing, showing that just because a woman might be three or four years past thirty, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to fuck anymore. In accordance with porno statute 14053.69, they had inside to fuck on the pool table, where Dino fills each of Brandy’s holes with his cock as she leans against the table and a barstool. Finally, Dino deposits a decent dose of dick droppings on Brandy’s pretty face. It’s a decent scene with good chemistry, but the editing and camera work focused so much on close ups that I often had a difficult time getting into it.

Krysti Waters gets busy with Guy DiSilva after he brings the groceries in for her. She drops down and sucks him while giving some great eyes before laying back for Guy to tongue her bald twat and ass. Krysti is appreciative enough that she gives Guy a little footjob before he starts fucking her missionary style with his semi-hard pecker. Guy also bones Krysti from behind before giving her a nice facial. It’s a fairly boring scene, and not too difficult to see why Guy was having some wood problems with Krysti. I’ve seen people show more enthusiasm talking about watching paint dry than she did in this scene. She rarely looks to enjoy herself, and I think this scene is best off at about an 8X scan forward.

After he mows her yard, older, implanted, bottle blonde Michelle St. James, who I think is the same Michelle from the excellent Real Deal Amateurs: Real Naughty Wives and Girlfriends) pays lawnmower man Rod Fontana in the method older and still much more used that Susan B. Anthony dollars. Michelle lets Rod throat fuck her before they enthusiastically sixty nine each other, and both of them show more chemistry and enjoyment in the foreplay alone than the entire previous scene. They move on to fuck in several positions, and Michelle even lets Rod play with her ass a little as she fucks him. Finally, Michelle has Rod bang her ass, therefore making it a fucking ass I guess, before he finally pops in her mouth. It’s a hot and fun scene. Rod and Michelle have great chemistry together, as well as obviously having fun with some of the corny lines. Michelle overdoes it a little at times, but it’s so obvious that she’s having fun with it that I didn’t really care. It’s a fun scene and shows that enjoyment counts for something too.

Cheri, a very cute brunette, gets a bit of Guy DiSilva in the penultimate scene. They take their time working each other over orally, with Guy putting every bit as much effort into eating Cherie’s pussy and ass as she did sucking his cock. Cherie continues to vocally approve of how Guy’s treating her pussy as he moves on to fuck it missionary and reverse cowgirl style, as well as spooning her ass. Finally, Cherie takes an impressive facial from Guy. This is easily the best scene in the feature. Cherie is damn hot and puts a ton of energy into her scene.

Kelly Moon and McKenszie Blue finish things up with pool boy Dino Bravo, who this time is actually around an actual pool. McKanszie has Dino drop his pants and join them in the hot tub, where she starts sucking him while she slides a hand into Kelly’s bikini bottom. McKenszie gives Kelly a little oral attention as well, first out in the pool and then inside before she has Dino fuck her. They’re interrupted by Kelly’s husband Guy DiSilva, who like any other husband who finds his wife with her best friend and the pool boy, joins in right away. The girls trade back and forth a little with the guys before taking their facials. It’s a pretty average scene in almost every way. Everybody seems to have fun, but no more so than in most other scenes.

Divorced & Horny is okay, but nothing special. The sex varies quite a bit, with Michelle and Cherie’s scenes being the two best, and Krysti Waters’ scene easily being the worst. The others just fall in the middle somewhere. The setups are fun, but in my biggest complaint of the movie, don’t fit in with the title. I mean, is it that hard to come up with ideas of having divorced women getting boned rather than “My husband’s gone, fuck me!”? Is it that hard to make the stretch into “I gave my husband the boot, fuck me!”? I know I’m paying attention to the wrong thing here, but hey, when I start considering plucking pubic hairs to keep myself awake during a scene like Krysti’s, I start to notice these things! Divorced & Horny is an okay porno for anybody who wants slightly older women, but don’t go in expecting too much.

Extras: The photo gallery contains about eighteen nice looking snapshots. There’s also trailers for several of Metro’s other features, weblinks, and phone sex crap.

Themes: Straight, older women, anal, interracial, rimming (male > female), lesbian, and group

Condom Usage: Only in one scene.

Raincoat Factor: High

Overall: Currently, Divorced & Horny can be found online for between $12 and $25 with stores offering it all over the place. The low end is very fair for what you get here. The action is all over the place quality-wise, having a couple great scenes, a couple average ones, and a stinker. The transfer is also pretty average, but there isn’t much for extras. This isn’t a bad rental if you’re interested in it.

Note to Metro: A little better title would have helped this one (such as Older & Horny). Also, how about a decent extra? I don’t think it’d be that tough to fit a scene from one of your other gonzo series on here as a bonus.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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