Diva X: The Movie Review

Reviewed by Principal Skinner  on  3/17/2001

After having had prior misfortunes of being exposed to other volumes of the DIVA X series (under the "Sinthetic" production label as released by Pixis), I braced myself for the worst when I had the opportunity to review DIVA X: THE MOVIE. However, given my partiality to brunettes who just so happen to look like Rebecca Lords, I could not resist the opportunity to see her in action. As it turns out, the other actresses in the movie aren't too shabby either, especially Japanese beauty Kanako and sexy brunette NJ. All three of them perform in straight girl-guy scenes which are surprisingly average, and if that sounds like damning this video with faint praise, then you have to realize that quality, in my experience, has never a strong suit with the DIVA X titles.

Rebecca Lords plays hostess and "guide" to all four sex scenes, which precede her own saved for ending of the video. She is forced to utter some inane lines directly to the camera, which captures her in black and white. Because of the poor production values, her heavily accented voice echoes as if the microphone were twenty feet away from her (which it probably was). Still, Rebecca would look great in a mud covered burlap sack, so I can't say that I wasn't entranced by her presence and descriptive introductions, however stiff and stilted. With the exception of the Kanako scene who has a pretty good session with her Japanese stud, all the scenes start off with close-up camera work, mimicking the look of a gonzo video. I assume this method was also meant to impart a pseudo- virtual sex style, where it looks and feels like the viewer is making whoopee with the actress. Well, whatever the creative purpose, it simply doesn't work in any of these scenes. Instead, what we're stuck with is work that barely surpasses amateur standards.

Somtimes the image goes from letterboxed, to full screen which is okay if done as an artistic touch as Andrew Blake often employs in his films. However, the effect in the Taylor scene is just one of obnoxious annoyance. Even worse is how the director decides to employ those tired and cliche "special effects" such as strobing, which makes the video look cheaper than it already is (which is pretty damn cheap!). The overall videography is so dark, that one wonders if the producers used any lighting equipment other than a desk lamp.

The sex here is competently performed, and of course I suspect that the overwhelming majority of porn viewers will find some release and satisfaction after viewing the movie. I found NJ to be sexier than hell (despite the obnoxiously goofy music which accomodates her scene), but her cocksucking borders on the lazy (the guy has to keep moving his butt and hips to keep any action going). Kanako and her beau generate far more heat, but as stated previously, their scene looks like it was shot during a lunar eclipse, rendering the action almost invisible. Brunette Daphne is the least attractive performer, but she does her job well, despite the cheap production surrounding here. The sex won't disappoint anyone looking to just get their rocks off, but there are so many other DVDs that do it better and give you your money's worth that watching this movie just seems like a waste of time.

Extras include a curious "behind the scenes" featurette, which look like they were made for another video, or else taken from another production. Indeed, the footage of Kanako sucking cock seems as though it were specifically filmed for an "interactive" title. Rebecca is shown looking gorgeous as ever in a blue jumpsuit (and later just wearing a black bra before going completely topless), as she perforns several different takes of looking directly into the camera and then licking her fingers, and then sucking on a dildo, then caressing her breasts. Again, these outtakes have nothing to do with the movie here, which means that somewhere, there is another (unreleased?) video by Sinthetic which contains the final production edits of these scenes...which is a DVD I probably will avoid picking up. Other extras include a picture gallery which is passable, and a preview of three other Sinthetic titles, including SURVEILLANCE SEX, which is one of the most fraudulently advertised videos I have ever seen. But that's another story.

Fellow reviewers on this site have noted some other crappy Pixis DVDs, especially the one featuring Bunny Luv, and I have to say that this movie barely rises above that video. When there are so many better titles out there, I don't see how anyone can even muster a half-hearted recommendation for this stunningly mediocre disc.