Diva X: Taylor Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  6/5/2005

The Little Details

Running Time: 14 min.

Production Date: 04 / 2000

Producers (apparently nobody wanted to take credit as Director): Anthony Gomez, Andrew Drake, and Leon Was

Cast: Taylor Moore and Ian Daniels

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Pixis has a well known reputation for some much incompetence that I think they need instructions to jerk off. Needless to say, I’m not going into this one with much for expectations.

Initial Reaction: It’s about as enjoyable and intelligent as slamming your hard-on in a screen door.

Who Should Watch It : Nobody.

Who Should Avoid It: Everybody. I wouldn’t wish this release on my worst enemy!

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: In a word, the technical aspects suck. The video is lit okay but is fairly pixelated and there’s a fair amount of digital breakdown along the edge. The audio, however, makes it seem like synchronizing audio and video is about as easy as manned spaceflight. In some places you can’t hear it and in others you hear something completely different from what you’re seeing.

Music: There’s a little music that’s cheesy and horribly. Thankfully it rests quietly in the background.

Menus: The menu is okay. It lets you choose between the four selections on the DVD, but sadly doesn’t have a self destruct feature.

The Feature

There are two parts to Diva X: Taylor. First is a plain sex scene and second is something called TFUI. I’ll cover each part separately.

Scene 1 - Taylor Moore and Ian Daniels

Ian starts things out letting Taylor, who’s looking pretty good before she went under the knife, suck his cock and he records it with the video camera. He lets her have the camera while he eats her, and then works her pussy over missionary and the cowgirls. They also get in a little doggie while Taylor massages her asshole, and finish things up with Ian popping on it and then rolling back so Taylor can lick it up a little.

I think if I had to watch this scene again, somebody would have to pound a railroad spike through my penis to make me stay. The only thing scarier than that is that it would probably be more enjoyable than watching the scene. Ian’s camera work is horrible, and a good portion of it appears to be about as technically advanced as a child’s flipbook. I think there might be some chemistry here, but I was wincing so much through most of this scene that I think I might have blacked out. I think this scene had about the same effect on my penis as the groundhog’s shadow had on the groundhog.

TFUI - Taylor Moore and Ian Daniels

TFUI appears to stand for Totally Fucked Up Interface. George Peppard had an easier time going from point A to point B in Damnation Alley than anybody with more than three active brain cells might here. To make your selections you have a picture of Taylor that you can view from either the front or back, and you can choose between her face, tits, pussy, and ass to make your selections, as well as something called Spank Mode (which sadly doesn’t punish you for putting this in your DVD player). You also have choices along the side for Rub, Finger, Grab, Toy, Cock, and later, Climax. As you manipulate the maze the selections are, which isn’t easy because you can’t just tell it that you want to grab Taylor’s tits or panties to get them the hell out of the way, you get to see video clips of something to do with Taylor. If you’re lucky enough you’ll hit the mother lode, which lets you see an entire fifty five seconds of footage, but most of the time you’ll be stuck with about twenty seconds of footage if you’re in one of the tease areas or ten seconds if you’re in the sex area. If that isn’t bad enough, the audio rarely matches the video and the two angles on the video don’t even match each other, let alone the audio. The Spank Mode, of which there are a few, normally around thirty seconds and combines a little cocksucking, a little fucking, and a cumshot. There’s absolutely nothing even close to bearable about the TFUI.

Diva X: Taylor is easily one of the worst DVD releases I’ve ever watched. Yes, Taylor is cute (and she’s here in her natural glory as well), but everything about the DVD reeks of incompetence. The “movie” or “scene” or whatever it was referred to as in the main menu is horrid, and the only thing that’s worse is the Totally Fucked Up Interface. Diva X: Taylor isn’t even worth giving as a joke to somebody, and I think the Geneva Convention forbids it as being used as punishment. Avoid Diva X: Taylor at all costs!

The Extra Stuff

The slide show lasts nearly ten minutes with roughly nine seconds per decent looking snapshot. The blooper reel lasts just over thirty seconds. You get to see a couple things happen around the set, however it might be wiser to consider the entire DVD a blooper reel.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, virtual sex, masturbation, and toys

Raincoat Factor: Low

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Who really cares what this one’s worth? It sucks and it sucks bad in every way you can think of and then some.

Note to Pixis: I guess it isn’t too hard to see why there aren’t any Pixis releases anymore, is it?

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight