Diva X: Kaoru (Pixis) Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  6/6/2005

The Little Details

Running Time: 17 min.

Production Date: Feb. 2000

Director: Ian Daniels

Cast: Karao and Ian Daniels

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: So far this series has been less enjoyable than when I went to the dentist with a tooth that was cracked down to the root. I’m not expecting anything better here.

Initial Reaction: The best thing about the DVD is that the TFUI refused to work and instead froze up my DVD player.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody involved with its production other than Kaoru. They deserve to be tied down and forced to watch this shit repeatedly as punishment for putting it out.

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who can avoid it

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects, in a word, suck. The audio has a funky feel to it, and feels hollow while also barely letting you year the action. There’s also a few minor background noises. The video is just as bad. It’s grainy, unevenly lit, and has a lot of camera motion. It’s not easy to watch.

Music: The music has an oriental feel to it. I’d say that it doesn’t help out the movie much except that I think it does by covering up a lot of the crap in the background.

False Advertising: Pixis is well known for deceiving customers, and this one is no different. To start with, there’s the interactive sex simulator claim, which is downright bullshit. This should be a kind of interactive game, but it’s always been a bad one. Here it doesn’t work, which means that both the interactive and multiple angles claims are bullshit. The cover also gives the impression that it’s a Japanese release, which is also Bullshit. There’s an old saying that you shouldn’t believe everything you’re told, and anybody who’s checked out much of what Pixis and Andrew Drake has done knows that if it comes from them you should probably not believe anything you’re told. I’m deducting a full point from the overall score because of these things.

Menus: The menu is okay. It lets you choose between the four selections on the DVD, and unfortunately they all work.

The Feature

There are two parts to Diva X: Kaoru. First is a plain sex scene and second is something called TFUI. I’ll cover each part separately.

Scene 1 - Kaoru and Ian Daniels

Kaoru is an attractive Oriental girl (I’m guessing Japanese). She starts out in pink short shorts, a white sporty top, knee high white gogo boots, and her long hair in pigtails that make her look young and schoolgirly. She lets Ian kiss and caress his way around her before he licks and caresses her through her shorts. He also plays around her bra and reaches in her shorts before lying back so Kaoru can kiss her way around his crotch and move inside to suck his cock. She keeps stroking him as he sucks her great tits, and they even get in a bit of sixty-nining before Ian goes back to pleasing her orally. Ian fucks her missionary style before sliding around behind her to spoon her pussy. Kaoru bounces on his cock reverse cowgirl style before letting Ian fuck her from behind. Ian goes back to fucking her missionary style before popping around Kaoru’s neck.

This is an okay at best scene. Kaoru is good looking, and has a great body. She also looks to be into almost everything Ian does to her. Unfortunately, the camera work is so bad that I think it could have been improved by giving it to a ten year old retard. There’s a lot of camera motion, and by a lot I mean I’m not sure if it ever stops moving. The sun shade (I’m far from a camera expert, but I think that’s what the thing you often see on the front of the camera is) is poorly adjusted so that it covers up part of the left side of the screen, and there’s enough crap on the camera lens that it looks like somebody might have sneezed on it right before the shoot. As usual with this series, the sex scene is barely watchable.

TFUI - Kaoru

Normally this section plays like a bad game. You’re given a picture of Kaoru and a list of sex acts along side her. You move a box around her body and see what sex acts you can see. As you make your way through them, you’re given extremely short clips of that action. Here, every time I tried to do that, it completely froze up my DVD player. Normally I’d complain about this, but with how bad this series and feature is I think it actually improved the DVD by not working. I was all ready to comment on the phonetic similarities between “tfui” and “ptooey”, the sound one makes when they spit, and how fitting it is. Thankfully, I was spared from the pain that is the TFUI feature by it not working.

Diva X: Kaoru is a poorly done DVD in every way. Kaoru is a cute Japanese girl who looks like she could put out a great sex scene if she was put with some decent guys, and you can tell right away here that these aren’t the guys to do it. If the scene isn’t bad enough, the interactive portion of the DVD doesn’t work. The DVD, and this series, is so bad that this actually improved the DVD for me. I decided to give it a half star for not working, but then the penalties took that back away. Avoid Diva X: Kaoru if you possibly can, but if you see her in anything else give her a chance because she probably deserves it.

The Extra Stuff

The slide show lasts about a minute and three quarters with about five seconds per decent looking snapshot or screen capture. The blooper reel lasts almost a minute and features Kaoru looking bored while Ian fucks her, the camera going out of focus, and the cameraman’s finger doing things that are supposed to appear funny. Instead it appears just as sad as the rest of this POS.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight and interracial

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Does it matter? If you shell out money to buy this one you should be able to have a free week at the sanitarium. All you have to do to get it is show them your receipt for this DVD. It sucks and should be avoided at all costs.

Note to Pixis: Thanks for not making any more of these pieces of shit lately.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight