Cum Shots 1: Short & Sweet Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  12/20/2003

Straight guys jacking off, sucking dick, and fucking male asses is like watching dogs walk on their hind legs. They don’t do it well, but you are surprised—and a bit titillated—to see them do it all. That is the secret behind the amateur films from The Body Shoppe. I would find the films a lot more enjoyable if Uncle Don didn’t engage them in conversation so we see how incredibly dumb these guys are, and if he didn’t reach out with that ugly old hand with a wedding ring (who is he fooling?) and grope these dimwits. (I just feel so terribly embarrassed for them.)

CUM SHOTS appears to be a compilation of well, cum shots that have been gleaned from amongst the chaff of these films. We are spared much of the inane chatter about pussies and guys pulling on their puds until we think they are going to pull them off to cut right to the juicy bits with only a few moments of preparation before the blast.

There are a couple of real beauties here. The first guy up is one of them. His name is Bob and he’s a young uncut blond marine with a fine body. He does a nude workout on an exercise machine that was so beautiful it almost made me want to get one. He jacks off in front of a full-length mirror giving us two for the price of one. He shoots, he scores. He is however aggressively straight. He lets it be known that we can look but not touch and that goes double for Uncle Don.

The other stud who creates instant drool is Bryce. This is one of the very first appearances of Bryce London, a wet dream come to life! After appearing in the Body Shoppe and Trademark jack off films, Bryce went on to appear in hardcore gay films (SAN DIEGO STOP-OFFS, TALES FROM THE FOXHOLE, SPRUNG (Jocks), TWO BROTHERS, and WEEKEND PASS) where he not only fucks ass but also sucks cock like a pro. Try him; you’ll like him. Bryce jacks off standing in a wading pool here and catches the cream in his hand where is glistens like liquid pearls. Oooooooooh.

The cover guy, Jon, is another handsome hunk but his scene is very very shot. Don’t reach for that tissue or you’ll miss it.

There are guys in a couple of scenes who attempt blowjobs, but they are not good at it. “You have to like something to be good at it,” one says in his defense. Another feeble sucker tells us, “I’ve done this a couple of times, but I’m straight.” (no comment.)

In a scene with two puppies one reams (literally) his buddy’s ass with a dildo until the kid cums. A skinny kid in a huge cowboy hat tries to fuck his buddy. He manages finally to get it in but it goes nowhere after that. A really cute guy jacks off in the front seat of a car. There is one guy with a luxurious orange pubic bush, and another in the same outdoor jackoff scene who has no pubic hair at all. (Do straight guys shave there?)

And so it goes.

All in all, it’s much of a muchness. It wears rather thin after a time and leaves us with the unshakable impression that straight guys are really rather dim and dull.