Cream My Ring Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  10/9/2005

The Little Details

Running Time: 171 min.

Production Date: None given

Director: Paul Arbitor and Jamie

Cast: Eve, Jessica Love, Magda, Nicole, Sara Nice, Scarlet Haze, Mark Sloan, Dem, Lee, Steve Hooper, and Tony DeSergio

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I haven’t checked out anything from Rude Brittania, but with what looks to be an anal creampie movie this seems like a great place to start.

Initial Reaction: There’s some nice effort put in from the girls, but the camera work and editing rarely let things get past the average mark.

Who Should Watch It : Fans of Brit porn

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting well captured anal sex

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects leave a bit to be desired. The audio is fairly hollow, as well as seeming to be a bit of the quiet side. The video is presented in the non-anamorphic widescreen format, which is always knocks the movie down a notch or two with me because it seems like the Mal-Wart method of doing a method cheap rather than right. The video is a bit on the dark side, and has plenty of shadows to go with it. The video also has a bit of grain and quite a few places that seemed to be just slightly out of focus. The technical aspects reminded me of an amateur movie.

Music: None

Menus: The menus don’t come close to giving a good first impression. The main menu just has a still of the cover and the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a chapter number and a still from each scene.

The Feature

Cream My Ring is a British production, which does mean that the girls might have being paid with dental work rather than cash. Each scene starts out with the girl diddling themself and ends with them getting a load around their asshole. It’s simple, but that’s all the budget here appears to have been able to come up with.

Scene 1 - Nicole, Steve Hooper, and Lee

Nicole, a nice looking older bottle blonde, starts her scene out in a black skirt and stockings with a red corset and sexy tall shoes working on herself with a pink dildo. She gives her pussy a few quick pumps before moving the toy to her ass, and keeps switching between her holes until the guys find her. She lets them work on her with the toy and shows off some nice gapes as well as sucking it clean when it’s offered to her. She moves back and forth to suck each guy’s cock and even lets one of them stretch out her cheeks while the other fucks her throat. Nicole doesn’t waste any time getting nasty, and lets the guys go right to double stuffing her snatch reverse cowgirl style when the fucking starts. Nicole’s clothes magically disappear with the exception of her stockings and shoes as they fuck, and after a little cowgirl fucking she takes a standard double penetration. Nicole also lets the guys take her to a double penetration while one of them spoons her ass before they trade back and forth spearing her sphincter missionary style. They bring the toy back in when they need to get themselves ready, and after one guy pops on Nicole’s ass uses it to fuck the cum into her ass before giving her a taste of the toy. The other guy pops on her ass as well and then fucks it in himself before letting Nicole suck his cock and giving her a few slaps on the face with it.

This was an okay scene. Nicole looks pretty hot and does a pretty good job taking on the guys. The camera work and editing, unfortunately, often left me a bit bored with the scene. It feels drawn out much further than it seemed like it should have, and focused so much on gyno-cam shots that for most of the scene I wasn’t even quite sure which of the guys was fucking Nicole. Nicole does a great job taking on two cocks, but nothing about the scene ever really grabbed my attention.

Scene 2 - Eve and Lee

Eve, a cute bottle blonde, starts her scene out in a red plaid skirt, a white shirt and panties, and sexy black shoes sucking on a black dildo while rough looking Lee watches her show. He starts sucking her tits when Eve moves her toy down to start working on her pussy, and then moves down to fuck her with the toy. He starts in her pussy as she lies on her back and then lets Eve roll onto all fours to fuck her ass. Eve rolls back over so Lee can fuck her pussy missionary style while they look into each others eyes, talk dirty to each other a little, and play with each other a little with some finger and titty sucking. His cock magically moves into Eve’s ass as he fucks her, and she takes things another step going for a technical DP with the help of her toy. Eve rolls over to take it in the ass from behind before climbing up for a little reverse cowgirl action for each of her holes. They fuck while sitting and facing each other before finishing things up with a little anal pile driver and Lee possibly cumming in Eve’s ass. One can’t really tell if he did or not because the camera chooses to focus on Eve moaning away and then cut to a creamy asshole rather than focusing on the pop.

This is another okay scene. Eve is very cute and looks great in her school girl-ish outfit, and Lee’s rough look plays nicely into giving this a ‘naughty school girl’ feel. She takes it in both holes extremely well, and they seem to be into each other very nicely as well. Unfortunately, the camera work and editing holds this scene back as well. The camera work makes it feel like there’s no ability to zoom in or out or to pan back and forth, which means that the editing is extremely choppy as it goes from one view to another. Once again, this scene has some nice action and chemistry but the camera work and editing never let it get too much past the average mark.

Scene 3 - Scarlet Haze, Dimitri, and Lee

Scarlet, a decent looking dirty blonde, starts her scene out squatting down on a table and admiring a big black dildo while looking mighty hot in an animal print outfit and knee high black spiked heel boots. She rips off her panties and slides the dildo into her ass to give herself a nice rectal reaming. When Dimitri and Lee find her she puts the dildo aside so they can suck her titties and she can suck their cocks as well as letting them work her over down below with their tongues and fingers. Scarlet lets the guys take her right to a double penetration cowgirl style before they take turns fucking her ass and getting their cock sucked as she lies on her back and stomach for them. Finally Scarlet presents her ass to the guys like she’s ready to take a pile driver, but the guys cum on her asshole from both sides instead and let her pull it down for a taste as well as pushing it into her ass.

This is a pretty hot scene. Scarlet had my attention right away with her outfit and her enthusiasm fucking her own ass with the toy, and she does a great job taking on both of the guys. The camera work and editing worked a little better for me here for some reason, which I think might be due to the camera staying a little further out for a bit more of the scene. This is probably my favorite scene in the movie.

Scene 4 - Jessica Love and Mark Sloan

Jessica, a fairly average looking brunette, starts her scene in some red lingerie and shoes lying back in a loveseat and playing with her pussy naturally. She grabs a purple buttplug that’s stuck to the floor next to her and sucks it before sliding it into each of her holes. When Mark shows up he helps her fuck her ass with the toy as well as fingering it while she sucks the toy clean. She rewards him with a hummer before letting him fuck both her pussy and her ass from behind. Jessica appears to suck her ass off Mark’s cock before letting him spoon her sphincter and fuck it missionary style. Finally, he pushes his cock just inside and lets it spew in to Jessica’s ass as he pulls out. Jessica gets up and squats down to try to push what’s left out afterwards

This is a pretty good scene. Jessica has a nice look and I love the anal cream pie ending. As usual the camera work and editing leave plenty to be desired, and did hold the scene back once again. Jessica gives some nice vocals through the scene and her body language makes it seem like she’s into the scene pretty well. This is a pretty good scene with an ending that helps it rise about the average mark.

Scene 5 - Sara Nice and Tony DeSergio

Sara, a dirty looking bottle blonde, starts her scene out in black shoes and stockings, a black shirt with some purple stripes, and purple panties that are around her thighs as she fucks her ass with a purple dildo. As she sucks the toy clean she’s joined by Tony, who helps fuck her ass as well as licking her pussy. She sucks his cock in return before letting him fuck her pussy from behind. Of course he moves on to fuck Sara’s ass from behind as well, and after possibly letting her suck it off (the camera doesn’t really feel the need to move up), he gives it to her ass missionary and reverse cowgirl style. Sara takes a taste or two of her ass that the camera actually manages to capture and they also get in a bit of anal spooning before finishing things up with Tony reaming Sara’s rectum from behind as she bends over the arm of the couch. She shows off some nice gapes, lets Tony get in a little more pussy fucking, and sucks his cock again before he rolls her over for a bit more missionary work. Finally, Tony busts a nut in Sara’s ass and lets it run out around his cock before pulling out and letting her squirt it out as best she can.

This is yet another pretty average scene that seemed to go on way too long. Sara puts some nice effort into the cocksucking and fucking, but the camera work here is completely horrible. I’m not sure if there’s even anybody behind it the entire time with how slow it is to move, and it definitely held back what felt like it could have been a great scene. Sara looks to really get into the fucking, and has a great body as well as putting out some very nice vocals. Some of it is a bit laughable as Tony tries showing off her ass with Sara not having a clue what he’s doing and looking like she just wants more cock in her ass. Finally, the anal cream pie at the end is nicely done and doesn’t leave any doubt as to whether or not it’s real. This scene pissed me off just because of how it couldn’t capture the heat on the screen to make the scene as good as it should have been.

Scene 6 - Magda and Mark Sloan

Magda, a big tittied brunette with a little meat on her bones, starts her scene out proclaiming that she’s an anal slut while sitting back in an oversized chair playing with a purple vibe while wearing a slutty black dress. She’s joined by Mark, who rubs a couple pair of panties over her pussy as well as shoving them inside her, and has her taste them. Magda sucks his cock in reciprocation, and keeps her panties in play by wrapping them around his cock as she sucks it. She moves up to bounce on his cock reverse cowgirl style before lying back for a little missionary work. Magda gets fucked from behind as well, and finally lets Mark slide his cock in her turd cutter as she’s bent over. She keeps taking it in the ass missionary style, and then magically goes into a pile driver for Mark to spunk on her asshole.

This scene didn’t quite make it to the average mark here. Everybody’s main concern seemed to be the panties, and I really didn’t care about them at all. I especially wouldn’t put them above things like the camera work or editing, which they came in well above. There wasn’t much about this scene that I cared about.

Cream My Ring is a very average and fairly forgettable porno. The girls normally put some pretty good effort into the scenes, but the camera work and editing held back every scene terribly. Sometimes it felt like the camera was just left on the tripod and other times it felt like whoever was behind it just didn’t care, but where ever it was you never got to see a position change. There were at least two scenes which appeared to have had the potential to be smoking hot scenes, and instead they were stretched out and captured poorly enough that they barely made it past the average mark. Longer is not always better, and I couldn’t help but think that Cream My Ring might have been better if it were trimmed down to the two hour mark rather than to be pushing three. If you’re curious about Cream My Ring give it a rental, but don’t go in with too high of expectations.

The Extra Stuff

None.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, masturbation, toys, anal, group, ass to mouth, DPP, DP, rimming (male > female), cum eating, and cream pie (anal)

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Rude Brittania’s DVDs can be found online for between about $9 and $20 with most stores offering them for around $15. Pass this one by, or if you absolutely have to see it rent it. There’s nothing special here, mostly because although the sex is pretty good the camera work and editing don’t really show any care. There’s also no extras and the technical aspects are below average. This is not an impressive DVD.

Note to Rude Brittania: Please find people who know how to work the cameras as well as who know how to edit a movie to its best effect. Also, a little effort towards extras after trimming the movie down a bit further would be a very good thing.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight