Collectible Review

Title: Collectible
Released by: B-line (New Machine)
Reviewed by MD James

Submitted for your approval… in an otherwise ordinary-looking home in an otherwise ordinary-looking neighborhood, we come across a man who has literally become the master of his domain. A man who has created a willing collection of human beings, eager to be used to fulfill any sexual desire imaginable. A man who collects human beings like you and I would collect stamps.

And yet, for all of the power that this man has amassed, his Garden of Eden is about to encounter a temptation that will bring the world that he knows crashing down. A world that only exists in the dimension that we call… the Scotty Fox Zone.

Okay, with apologies to the late Rod Serling… I couldn’t watch this video without thinking about the "Twilight Zone" or any number of other reality-suspending shows.

We start with our collector Ross (Randy Spears) admiring two of his topless female acquisitions by the pool. He’s joined by his friend Neil (Jonathan Moragan) who hands him some starlet’s diary showing her to be borderline crazy. Ross turns it back, saying that it wasn’t good enough for him. Neil is interested in one of the topless beauties, who it turned out was just a hitchhiker named Natalie (Melanie Moore). Neil hands Natalie a vibrator, which Ross claims was Madonna’s. Natalie goes to town on the vibrator, occasionally pausing on Ross’ command. Ross gets bored and they both walk inside, leaving Natalie by the pool with her battery-powered "friend". (What? No climax?)

Once inside, we see Ross’ "collection" of men and women, standing everywhere like mannequins. According to Ross, they’re paid to stand like that unless he tells them otherwise. (Boy, it must be nice to have that kind of money.) He hands Neil a key to one of the upstairs bedrooms and tells him to have fun. Upstairs, Neil finds a brunette beauty (Bionca) bound at her hands and ankles begging to be let go. But instead, he leans back and lets her strip him down so she could suck on his cock. We get to see her suck his cock from many angles for a while before we cut to her riding him in cowgirl position. Again we get to see this in many angles before moving to missionary position, which we again see in many positions before he finally blasts his load around her pussy. Afterwards, she begs him to stay to fuck her again, but he leaves, saying that he prefers his freedom.

Later that evening, Ross and Neil are in a nightclub. Ross is unimpressed with some snapshots of potentials, but then he spies a beautiful woman (Alexis DeVell) by the bar. Then we get to see how "creative" Ross’ imagination is… when we get to see the stage performers (Scott Irish and Sonya) through some really confusing video effects. Then our mystery woman joins in the fantasy. First she gives a blowjob while in her bra and panties, then she’s bare-ass naked when she’s getting her pussy licked and then fucked by the performers. Then we get treated to yet another display of visual insanity as we go from the facial pop-shot back to "reality".

Our mystery woman shows up at the table… she’s a waitress name Lynette. Ross makes it quite clear that the only special that he’s interested in is her.

The next thing we know, it’s midday, and Ross and Lynette arrive at his home. (Huh?) Then they sit at separate ends of a huge dining room as a naked male server (Micky Ray) hands food. (Mind you, it’s night again. WTF!) The server lowers his tray just far enough for his cock to fall into the food (yeah that’s really appetizing!) for Lynette to select. Of course, she grabs it and slathers some sauce on it. He doesn’t appear interested as she’s jerking him off, though, and Ross explains that he doesn’t get involved with anyone that Ross hasn’t had yet. That kills Lynette’s appetite for the human salami. The server returns to the center of the table, this time magically wearing briefs.

Ross and Lynette show up in the bedroom, and at first we think that the two of them are going to get it on, but instead, Ross tells Lynette to sit in a chair while he gets undressed. He gets himself turned on, then a blonde shows up (Danielle Rodgers) and Lynette is forced to being a JAFO (Just Another Fucking Observer). She plays with herself as she watches Ross go down on the blonde, then fucks her in missionary position until he’s ready to pop, then blows his load in the blonde’s mouth. Lynette thinks that she’s next, but Ross tells her that she’s not ready yet and that she should dream about it.

That night we see Lynette in that very bed, having a dream about the experience at the dinner table, Ross fucking the blonde, her masturbating and getting groped by male hands, and then her in a room full of glory holes and cocks. Some appear to be dildos… others are just dildos stuck on a wall. She’s running around trying to suck and jerk off every cock there. Finally one of the cock spews gallons of goo on her chest. Then she wakes up to see Ross sitting by her bed. She wants him, but he still turns her away. They head downstairs where the blonde from earlier is in the middle of licking Natalie’s pussy. He tells Lynette to stay and watch the two blondes. They each lick each other to orgasm, while Lynette sits on the floor playing with herself through her white nightgown. Ross returns and tells her that he’s got a business guest over tomorrow, and then maybe he’ll have her.

The next day Ross has Victor (Randy West) over for drinks and business. Lynette is there, decked out like a topless Vegas showgirl and standing like a statue like all the other people in Ross’ collection. Ross tells her to watch carefully, because tonight is HER night.

But Victor doesn’t choose Lynette. She gets to be JAFO. Instead, Victor chooses the cute girl by the piano (Traci Winn). He licks and finger-fucks her for a while before she goes down on him. Then he fucks her in standing doggie position over the piano until he pops his load around her pussy. (Hey, what the fuck happened to it being Lynette’s night?)

Later on, Neil meets Ross by the pool and tells him that Lynette isn’t all that she appears to be. To say what that is would give the twist away, but the revelation does involve Lynette finally getting her salami from the male server. He finger-fucks and licks her pussy before she finally wraps her lips around his cock. Then she lays back on the bed while he fucks her in missionary position until he blows his load all around her belly. Again, I won’t say how it all ends, but like the rest of the story it’s pretty surrealistic.

Okay, the story is abysmal, and that all falls on director Scotty Fox. We have a man who is supposedly obscenely wealthy living in a home that looks like upper-middle-class, and the interior of the home looks like it’s a movie set. Time and space have little regard in this video. The acting is just a bad way to get to the sex, and the only good part about the sex scenes is that they’re more realistic than most of other adult videos. There is certainly no attempt at making the longest fuck scene in this video or any attempt to carry out the entire Kama Sultra in one scene. There’s usually one sexual position and then the pop-shot. The fantasy and dream sequences are probably the worst because they’re done "artistically" with enough visual special effects to make you feel like you’re going through detox.

In terms of extras, we have ten previews of other videos, a click-through photo gallery, and a plug for some DVD website (which the "shop online" button doesn’t work). The gallery isn’t too bad, but the previews aren’t even trailers. They’re just quick scenes, and most of them are just the title scenes of the videos. Very amateur, even for a company like New Machine.

All-in-all, I’d say get this video only if you LOVE seeing Alexis DeVill, if you have a thing for 1990’s videos, and if you can get this for under $10. Anything more than that is just a waste of your money.