Chloe's I Came Did You?!! Review

The Plot: Heh heh heh… What plot? Chloe and her friends spend the day having sex. A lot of sex. Strong sex, wet sex, fast sex… if it takes a lot of energy, they do it. There really isn’t a plot to speak of, but who cares? The single overriding theme is to provide you with hot sex. Kind of makes this part of the review boring, but what can I say?

The Cast: Chloe is the real winner here, with the most scenes and the best performances. If you are at all familiar with her movies, you know that she is… um… passionate in her sex scenes. Very passionate. Energetic. Okay, maybe “she cums like a shock wave” is a better description. It is always a treat to watch her lose higher brain functions and scream in orgasm. Everybody wants a partner like Chloe at least once in his or her lives. Ruby, Tina Tyler, Shelbee Myne, Johnni Black, Jewel Valmont and Chloe’s sister Cleo in her first performance. The guys are represented by Kyle Stone, Justin Kase, Ian Daniels, Toni Tedeschi and Pat Myne. Gee, how do I put this? This cast rocks! The only one I could possibly complain about is Ruby, and she’s definitely not someone I would kick out of my bed unless there was an earthquake or other natural disaster. Even then, I would think about it before diving for cover. Really, all I can offer up in the negative area is nitpick items. Ruby, ditch the pig tails! There are some rather annoying fake breasts (Ruby, Johnni) but you’ll cope.

The Sex: Let’s get ready to rrrrrrrrumble !!!!!

This really is Chloe’s pet project, and it is the director’s prerogative to have the first scene. So, Chloe tells you to throw the remote away, grab your cock, and watch her go. And away she goes, using a couple of dildos like salad tongs! This really is a great masturbation scene, and Chloe just sort of talks you through it, which IMHO is a great turn on. If you’ve never seen Chloe have a good brain-smashing orgasm, this is an excellent introduction. The credits roll and Chloe tells you to hang on…

Ruby gets a belated birthday present by being led to the shower and Kyle Stone. They have sex. Remember that part in the beginning where I said there wasn’t much plot? You also remember when I said, “Who cares?” Exactly. These two work very well together, and the comments they toss back and forth every now and then add to the scene. Kyle somehow ends up having Ruby’s underwear around his neck like a satin bandana. He also manages to start with a condom and lose it by the third position. Okay guys, why bother in the first place? There are some memorable moments in this scene, most notably Ruby riding Kyle in a reverse cowgirl with her hands held behind her back. Very nicely done. Ruby puts in a good show with nicely done moans & groans. All in all, this is an above-average scene. I wish her breasts were real and she ditched the pigtails, but I enjoyed watching it.

Next up, Chloe acts as the sexual coordinator and gets Ian Daniels hooked up with Jewel Valmont and Johnni Black. Dammit, I need friends like this! Johnni looks amazing in the bathing suit, definitely a girl who pays attention to her figure. Alas, once the support goes away, the breasts just don’t hang just right. Sigh. Not only do they show the “cauliflower tits” syndrome when she bends over, they show a little of this when she’s standing up. I like Jewel’s complexion, hair and her chest. She needs a little help in the rear end, but I certainly wouldn’t object to some quality time with her. She is definitely a woman who does her best work on her back, and she lets loose with a couple screamers. Johnni won’t be left out of the equation, and this leads to a great image: that of a double ended blue dildo moving around in Johnni’s pussy and ending in Jewel’s mouth. There are some other notables, namely a wide angle shot of Jewel getting screwed doggie style that was beautiful. Nice photography for a moment, but then we switch back to vagicam. All the nitpicking aside, this scene was very good! Lots of energy, and it’s always fun to watch a beautiful blonde have a screaming orgasm. Having Johnni Black on the sidelines for the 10 AM dildo worship service doesn’t hurt, either. Once again, this disc packs in the serious sex that you all love!

Well, we just had two scenes without the patented Chloe Brand™ Mind-Bender orgasms, so I think it’s time to strip her down and fuck her silly, what do you think? Chloe jumps in with Tina Tyler and Shelbee Myne, arguably two of my favorite women in the business, and they proceed to play with their toys in the living room. Normally, I’m not a big fan of lesbian scenes, but this one will definitely keep your attention. If anyone ever tells you that all women are the same, you can use this scene to tell them exactly how full of it they are. Chloe has her jerky supercharged orgasms, Shelbee tenses up and starts to quiver at about 25 KHz, and Tina closes her eyes and writhes in smooth motions. Oh damn, this whole sequence was so hot… There are a lot of memorable images in this scene. A good one is Chloe and Shelbee impaled on opposite ends of a double dildo with Tina sitting on Shelbee’s face. Watching Chloe move her hips around that thing was wonderful. The fisting portion at the end of this scene is covered by a little black square that takes all of the fun out of it. While it is interesting to see Chloe’s reaction, it loses a lot of impact. Oh well, maybe next time. Right up to this point, the scene was excellent. Editor’s note: Very early in the scene, Tina Tyler wants to get her clothes off from the top down, because she thinks her best feature are her breasts. Chloe says it’s her eyes. I disagree. It’s her voice.

It’s now amateur time at Chloe’s place! Somehow, she’s convinced her sister to participate in her movie! After blindfolding Cleo, the two ladies stumble off to the bedroom, where Justin Kase (rim shot) is waiting for her. Cleo gets licked from behind until she’s in a frenzy. I’m sure most of you have read the allure of having an anonymous lover, and how not being able to see who it is and what they’re doing can heighten the experience. Hey, you may have even tried it. But it is actually quite amazing to see it. Cleo is about ready to fuck a thermos if she can grab one by the time they take off the blindfold. Alas, the rest of the scene is pretty typical, with Cleo getting fucked doggie style by her boyfriend. I think they had to stop everything to move the camera and they lost some of the momentum. Starts off well, but it ends like any other porn scene.

Last up, Chloe decides to give us what we all want: Big dick and big orgasms. She grabs Pat Myne and Tony Tedeschi and proceeds to have lots of orgasms. At least five. Tony starts to really get into it; nearly hitting her kidneys he’s fucking her so hard and Chloe is definitely appreciative. There are some rather strange elements here, namely Chloe’s requests for being choked and spit upon. I’m not really into this particular activity, but Chloe practically demands it. There are some rather humorous moments, mainly from Chloe’s sheer lust for orgasms. One that really had me smiling was when they started the anal penetration and she goes “cock… in… ass…” For some odd reason it reminded me of a South Park episode. I had a mental image of Cartman going “anal… probe… malfunctioning…”

Okay, I need therapy.

This scene has lots of anal, lot of sex, and lots of verbal encouragement. This scene is the epitome of hot, dirty, nasty sex and it pulls it off in spades! I’ll warn you now, if you don’t like trash talk, spitting or calling women derogatory names during sex, you may wish to skip this one. Otherwise, enjoy it!

The Audio / Image: The biggest problem on this disc is a soup-to-nuts audio sync problem. All of the sound is roughly 1/3 or 1/2 second ahead of the video. It is visible from the second Chloe opens her mouth in the first chapter, and it lasts all the way until the last squirt. It is highly distracting. Not only is the dialogue off, the rest of the sound effects are off by the same 1/3 or 1/2 second. It is rather distracting to watch someone get her ass slapped and hear the THWACK just before actual contact. This really is highly distracting. Other minor audio problems include one or two audio “braps” similar to the ones that I encountered viewing Sexual Species. I only recall two instances. There is no background music during the sex scenes, so there is nothing to distract you from the sweet sounds of sex. There is the occasional music during the setup scenes, but it’s very non-intrusive. The image is okay, but not spectacular. I noticed some edge enhancement in a couple scenes, and once or twice the image became washed out. I think the washed out scenes were due to the autoexposure settings on the cameras, as the colors return to normal just after they camera pulls back from a close-up. So it probably isn’t a mastering problem, but a source problem. I did see one instance of pixelation, but my copy may be damaged and I can’t verify that this is a mastering problem. Occasionally, someone didn’t sit on the photographer hard enough, as they sneak a photo of the action and you can see the flash light everything up. Grrrrr…

The Extras: We have a photo gallery, previews, chapter index to all of six chapters… and a behind-the-scenes look at the end of the movie. This little bit at the end is great, as you can see a bit of the performers when they’re not in front of the camera. I like it as you can definitely put a name to the faces (not that Chloe didn’t do a good job introducing everyone for their scene) and you get a hint of their personality outside of sex. None of this is an in-depth look at the minds behind the bodies, but it’s neat to watch. The previews are all strung together in one long stream, so you don't have to select them individuallly. This is good for cranking and yanking, but if you like a particular preview, it is difficult to find it again later. Your call if this is good or bad.

The Good: Chloe with toys, Chloe with fingers, Chloe with friends… A great cast, great sex, and no synthoporn! The closing credits are pretty cool, too.

The Bad: Audio problem is severe, various but minor image problems.

Overall: This disc is a masterpiece of wild sex. If you like ‘em loud, this disc is definitely for you. Despite the audio problem, I would recommend this disc strongly.