Cherry Poppers: The College Years (Director's Choice) Review

The First Word:   This is the first DVD released by Zane and contains supposedly the best scenes from the Cherry Poppers: The College Years series.  With a title like "Cherry Poppers," it shouldn't be surprising that this isn't going to be anything other than a fetish title appealing to the set that likes their girls young and dumb.

What's It About?:  This is a compilation of scenes from one of the long-running Cherry Poppers series selected by director Matt Zane (hence the "The Director's Choice" designation).  For those who aren't familiar with Cherry Poppers, it's premise is to take tiny spinners and dress them up like they're teenagers.  Then the girls act like they are truly clueless and sexually inexperienced before they engage in some rather extreme sex acts.  This DVD has four long scenes:

Regan Starr and Dave Hardman:  Regan, a blonde with small tits, plays a college co-ed who's having problem with her chemistry homework.  Dave Hardman comes along and it just so happens that he has a master's degree in chemistry (so that's how they explain how he looks like he's 40) and that they should go back to his place because, "I have a chemistry set at my house."  Yes, he actually said that...  Anyway, once they are at his place, he informs her that her problems with chemistry aren't the real problem -- it's her sexual frustration that's the cause.  So, naturally, he begins her therapy with dropping his pants and having her give him a blowjob.  Among the perversions seen here are a gaping pussy (pried open with both hands), plenty of anal, and an anal gape at the end.

Kelly Dean and Rick Masters:  In this scene, the campus setup lasts only about 20 seconds before Kelly, a short haired brunette with small boobs, finds herself in Rick's pad.  Supposedly, she's waiting for a friend to pick her up, and in the meantime, she has sex with Rick.  Sticking to the Cherry Poppers formula, the opening BJ is followed by some pussy licking, pussy gaping, finger fucking, and then straight vaginal (which is pretty good in this scene and condom-free).  From then, it's an anal-rama, with anal reverse cowgirl, anal piledriver, anal doggy, a forced anal gape, and ass-to-mouth.  But the main event is the 100-penetration piledriver; Rick inserts and completely removes his penis 100 times.  We can hear him quietly counting the strokes until around number 27, when he has Kelly count for him, all the way up to 100.

Kali and Dave Hardman:  Kali, who I think is the prettiest of the group, romps with Dave in her bed, which is covered with stuffed animals (talk about pushing the theme to the extreme).  Aside from recoiling at her ass zits, the action falls into the same categories as the previous scenes: gape, finger fucking, oral, vaginal, then an assortment of anal positions ending with a piledriver.  The ending is pretty weak, since it looked like Dave had popped recently.  Plus, he tries to do his double shot trick:  he first comes on Kali's face and then goes back to anal piledriver.  When he shoots again, the result is only one small drop of cum -- not impressive in the least. 

Eve and Dave Hardman:  More stupid anal and vaginal tricks are featured in this scene with Hungarian brunette, Eve.  After the setup dialogue establishing that she's looking for a place to rent, they get right down to the action.  After eating her pussy for a bit, Dave spreads her pussy open and then inserts a finger into her ass in such a way that we can see his finger pushing on her spread snatch.  After a BJ and some fucking, there's a creative transition from an anal spoon position to a reverse cowgirl in one swift motion.  The scene ends with a facial (not world-class, but the best one on the video). 

What I liked: The 100 anal penetrations:  Maybe it's the circus freak appeal, but the scene with Kelly Dean getting it in the butt more than 100 times was pretty neat.  It also helped that it didn't look like she was in any pain (if anything, she looked really into the experience.  I can't imagine how her ass felt the next day, but that was probably the highlight of the entire hour and 51 minutes.

Natural girls:  Although I don't think these girls would make the cut at a beauty contest, at least they don't have implants.  It's laughable how many porn videos with a "barely legal" theme feature talent with massive fake tits.  It's nice to see small-breasted girls in porn.  I understand that many people want to see big tits, but I don't think it's necessary for all starlets to get enhanced in order to find work.  If nothing else, this genre of porn will keep them very busy.     

What I didn't like: The whole Cherry Poppers concept:  Clearly, this type of video is not for me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm into hardcore sex, maybe even extreme stuff occasionally, but the whole "let's get women to act and dress a lot younger than they are and then anally ravage them" concept doesn't do anything for me.  If I want the "college co-ed" feeling, I'd at least want the setup to feel believable, not something that the word "bullshit" instantly comes to mind.  I really don't care for the dumb girl routine (almost to the point of being mentally retarded) since I don't get off by imagining taking advantage of someone who acts like they're twelve.  And while I love to see anal, I don't need to see it in the graphic detail that the Cherry Poppers series goes in to.  I'd be a happy man if I never had to see ass-to-mouth, anal gapes, and miscellaneous fluids again. So it stands to reason that if you like this type of action, then you can pretty much disregard my opinion and assume that you're going to love this DVD.

Using spit as lube:  Sure, everyone uses saliva as a lubricant in real life.  I don't know many people who feel the need to spit on a pussy or asshole like they're hocking a loogie or spitting in someone's face.  I don't know why there's a correlation between extreme anal and spit.  Maybe it's a domination or degradation thing.  Regardless, it's not erotic and distracting as hell.

DVD Extras:  Aside from a small photo gallery, the major extras on this disc are the action jump-to's and the director's introductions.  The action jump-to's are similar to Evil Angel's fetish menus, where you can jump to the points in each scene with the type of sex act you're looking for.  In this case, you can jump to the blowjob, anal, or cumshot sections of the video.  The director's introductions are short video intros by Matt Zane in which he describes why he chose this scene to include in this compilation.  Nothing particularly insightful, and if these are the best scenes out of the entire Cherry Poppers series, then I shudder to think of what the other scenes are like.  After each intro, the DVD jumps to Matt's "hot pick" part of the scene.

A/V Quality:  Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.   At first glance, you don't really notice anything -- the video looks fine.  But at times, there's extreme pixelation and compression artifacts.  So bad that it looks like an Internet streaming video clip (yes, it's that bad).  And no, I didn't review this disc on a DVD-ROM.  If you start with the Director's Introductions, you'll be fooled into thinking that the video quality is outstanding, but the intro clips are the highest quality that this DVD has going for it.  The audio is acceptable, but since there is no music, it's pretty easy to hear a slight buzzing from the production mike indoors and a lot of ambient noise outdoors.  Maybe it would have been worth cleaning up the sound for another video, but given the low-production value of this one overall, it's not worth it.

The Last Word:  I don't understand it:  I look around and see pretty good reviews on this title, and I can't imagine that we're all talking about the same DVD.  It insults our intelligence with such pathetic setups and jewels of dialogue (not to mention the insult to the girls).  I suppose it would appeal to the crowd that wants to see pretty girls with nothing between their ears get totally ass mastered.   But it's not for me, just like anything by Max Hardcore is not for me, and my ratings reflect that.  I'll stick with Prof. Mike's line or Don Marquee's University Coeds for my "college girl" setups--they're much more believable and there are no pried open pussies or piledriver anals to be seen.

- Saki (saki@my.adultdvdtalk.com)