Candida Royalle's Urban Heat Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  10/19/2004

The Little Details

Running Time: 77 min. (cover states 60 min.)

Production Date: 1984

Director: R. Lauren Niemi

Cast: Marita Ekberg, Klaus Multia, Sharon Kane, David Israel - Sandler, Taija Rae, Scott Baker, Chelsea Blake, K. Y. Lee, Cassandra Leigh, David Scott, Tish Ambrose, David Ambrose, Carol Cross, and Bernard Daniels

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Candida Royalle hasn’t done too much to impress me. I’m not expecting that to change much here.

Initial Reaction: I’ve gotten more turned on by department store mannequins.

Who Should Watch It : Insomniacs

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who has to drive a car or operate any heavy machinery after watching it or who wants to watch sex

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: For a twenty year old movie, the technical aspects are nicely done. Sadly, the audio is roughly 95% music, with very few vocals from any of the performers. The video shows a little grain, but is normally nicely lit.

Music: The music has a definitely eighties feel. It’s a nice change from most porn music, but ends up hurting the scenes rather than helping them by making it completely dominate the audio in the movie.

Menus: The menus are okay. The main menu has some nice animation and definitely gives a very good first impression. The chapter menu isn’t nearly as impressive, and just lets you choose a scene based on a small clip from each scene.

The Feature

I guess the theory behind this one is it’s hot and everybody’s in the city. Beyond that, I really don’t know.

Scene 1 - Marita Ekberg and Klaus Multia

Marita starts things out heading downstairs at the club with Klaus. They kiss before she slides down to suck his cock. They don’t waste any time before Klaus starts boning her from behind. Marita strokes him for a few seconds before taking a poke missionary style. They go back to doggie for a few more pumps before kissing and getting dressed again.

This scene sucked. The dancing in the club seems to be the major focus of the scene, as there’s more dancing upstairs than fucking downstairs. There’s also some artistic effects done to the video that might have looked cool back in 1984 but end up looking extremely cheesy here. The sex has a little chemistry, but the takes are so short that it never has time to build into anything. The final nail in the coffin here is Femme’s anti-cum stance, which is on full display here as it doesn’t looks like either Marita or Klaus ever cum. This scene starts the movie on a very low note.

Scene 2 - Sharon Kane and David Israel - Sandler

After dancing together for a while, Sharon and David kiss. They slowly strip while dancing and David plays with her lightly. They exchange oral favors before fucking while rolling around on the floor. Finally things end with Sharon and David kissing and rubbing each other’s face.

This is yet another nearly worthless scene. Thankfully they decide that this scene should be about the couple rather than dancing and worthless video effects, but sadly it doesn’t seem to be about the sex. It’s so soft that it’s nearly neutered, and I’ve seen better endings on late night television.

Scene 3 - Taija Rae and Scott Baker

When the radio goes off in the next scene, it gets Scott’s blood boiling down under. He rolls over to kiss and caress Taija and makes his way down to eat her slowly. Taija returns the favor with a quick blowjob that’s almost completely cut from the movie. They move on to fuck missionary style until Scott gives what looks like a bad impression of Goofy to signify the end of the scene. His Goofy impression might have looked better if he hadn’t done it a couple times earlier in the scene.

I know by now you’re probably expecting me to say nothing good about this scene, and that’s just not true. I’m really quite happy with how the scene was able to remind me of having Solitaire on my computer. Scott and Taija do a little better job, but Femme’s usual fear of showing any real sexuality makes it another dud. I was glad to see Scott at least try to fake an orgasm in the scene. I don’t know if he did his Goofy impression a few times during the scene or if that’s the fault of the editing, but whatever it was took most of the strength away from it.

Scene 4 - Chelsea Blake and K. Y. Lee

When Chelsea has to ride the freight elevator, she decides to get a ride on K. Y. as well. They kiss, grope, and strip down before K. Y. tongues Chelsea’s cunt as they lay on the floor of the elevator. He stands up for her to sake about two sucks on his cock before they move back down to roll around and pleasure each other orally a little more. Chelsea climbs up for a cowgirl ride before somebody on the set realizes that they’ve fucked for something like fifteen seconds and puts a stop to it. Rather than looking like they’re done, they grope and get dressed to end things.

This is almost an okay scene. It’s definitely hurt by a lack of audio as well, but the scene progresses nicely until the fucking. Unfortunately, once there’s a long moment of fucking everything steps back and knocks things back quite a ways. This could have been a very nice scene if somebody would have cared as much about the sex as the foreplay.

Scene 5 - Cassandra Leigh and David Scott

David turns on the radio and oils up Cassandra on the rooftop to start the fifth scene. They oil each other up caressing each other before fucking missionary style. They decide to get wild and mix in a little cowgirl, but never so wild as to look like either of them has an orgasm as they finish things with a little fingering.

This scene makes me wonder if Femme is afraid of anything more intimate than foreplay. It lasts roughly eight minutes, and less than three of them include fucking. I’m not saying that foreplay should be thrown out, but the sex is so downplayed here that it’s hard to think of the scene as pornographic.

Scene 6 - Tish Ambrose and David Ambrose

Tish and Dave decide to get it on watching a dirty movie on the couch. They play with an ice cube and mix it in with their oral sex after Dave strips Tish down. She rewards him with a nice blowjob and even manages to take Dave into her throat a little. The fuck missionary style and spoon before the scene fades out looking like they might still be going at it.

This is without a doubt, the best scene in the movie. Since orgasms are bad in Femme movies, especially if you’re a man, you don’t get any pop shot, but there’s great chemistry between Tish and Dave. They keep things flowing pretty well and always look like they’re having fun. The only thing missing here is a decent pop shot.

Scene 7 - Carol Cross and Bernard Daniels

Carol and Bernard start things out feeding each other a little fruit during an outdoor breakfast. They head inside and strip each other down and exchange a few oral favors before fucking while standing up. As usual they finish things up kissing and caressing each other.

Once again, things start out showing some potential and then make a hard left into suck-ville. The scene starts out showing that foreplay can really set the mood, and then all but throws out the sex. There’s nice chemistry here, but once the foreplay’s done the scene might as well be.

Urban Heat makes me wonder if Candida Royalle spent a little too long in the sun. She does a very nice job showing that foreplay can and should be a very important part of sex, which is a nice change from the usual adult film. I like the variety she puts forward with her foreplay, and think it does a nice job of building up a little chemistry. Sadly, with the exception of Dave and Tish Ambrose it’s all but completely wasted. The rest of the sex in the movie feels like it’s treated with scorn and is being beaten like a red-headed stepchild. It’s hacked up, short, and almost never feels like it comes to a satisfactory ending. I’ll readily agree that quite a few of the pop shots in porn are overused, but don’t think anybody has made me appreciate a good, gooey facial like Candida Royalle has. Hell, I’d prefer one of those slow, dribbly, clear pops on a zit-covered ass to how Candida ends almost all of her scenes. I couldn’t help but think of many of the scenes as anti-sexual while watching Urban Heat, and was thankful that I was reviewing it on my computer so I could check my e-mail or trim my nails with the handy dandy fingernail clippers I had lying on my desk to distract me from the movie. The saddest thing of all is that there is a lot of potential here! There’s a decent eye behind the camera and a willingness to be creative and show some passion. Unfortunately, there’s not really a willingness to show sex as a whole, and that leaves Urban Heat swimming in the sewers with the baby alligators. I’m not sure they’ll want to eat this one either.

The Extra Stuff

Trailers are included for Revelations, Three Daughters, Christine’s Secret, My Surrender, One Size Fits All, Eyes of Desire, Eyes of Desire 2, The Bridal Shower, The Gift, and Stud Hunters as well as A Taste of Ambrosia, Rites of Passion, and Sensual Escape from Femme’s Star Directors Series. You also get the usual two minute message from Candida and her bio, a commercial for Natural Contours / Femme, and internet information. Finally, there’s a slide show with commentary.

The slide show with commentary lasts nearly nine minutes. Candida talks her way through photos that were taken through every step of making the movie. There aren’t any from during the sex scenes, but you get about everything else you could hope for. There’s even plenty of photos from the original release party. It’s a decent little commentary, but it doesn’t really add too much other than letting you know who’s who in the movie.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight

Raincoat Factor: Low

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, most of Femme’s DVDs can be found online for between $14 and $28 with a few stores offering them near the low end. Unless you’re familiar with Femme’s style, don’t even think of paying that much. If you like their style then this one might be worth the low end. The DVD does show some nice care with a few extras and a nice transfer, but as usual the movie completely disappointed me.

Note to Adam & Eve / Femme Productions: It’s great to try to fix problems you see somewhere, but here it seems like you’ve both cut your nose off to spite your face and thrown the baby out with the bath water at the same time. At least you put a little care into the overall DVD.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight