But Officer .. I'll Do Anything Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  7/13/2005

NOTE: This is an amateur video. Amateur and homemade movies don’t have the budget nor the resources of studio porn, and therefore rarely get close to the same quality technically. I’m rating this DVD on the same scale, but most homemade or amateur features would rarely make it above a 3 on the standard scale I use for studio porn for their technical aspects. The performers also aren’t normally the ‘glamour stars’ one expects from studio porn, and instead use people who look like somebody you might encounter in your day to day life. Finally, the camera work has a different feel, as it’s often shot from a tripod or with somebody who doesn’t have the technical training or experience of professional cameramen. That said, amateur and homemade features have a great charm to them, simple because the people in them are doing what they’re doing to have fun and because they enjoy it. All the things that separate them from studio porn contribute to that charm, I hope people will keep that in mind when checking out this review and not just look at the ratings as the ultimate word on this release. Since the technical aspects are normally lacking and there normally isn’t much for extras in amateur features, I’ve weighted my overall rating more heavily towards the sex than I do in most studio porn.

The Little Details

Running Time: 85 min.

Production Date: 2000 - 2004

Director: None credited

Cast: Ericka, Clyde, Trina, “Officer Sassy”, and Mandi* in a non-sex role

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I’ve been nicely impressed with most of what I’ve seen from Pixie’s Emporium. I’m going into this one with pretty high expectations.

Initial Reaction: It has a few of the usual amateur porn problems, but it has a lot more amateur porn positives. This is a fun little DVD.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody wanting porn with some fun and light roleplaying

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting nastier sex or action involving handcuffs and the nightstick

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: As usual with amateur movies, the technical aspects are a bit weak. The audio is a bit on the soft side, but the performers aren’t that vocal either so it’s not too big of a deal. The video is a bit of a roller coaster ride. There’s a little digital breakdown that shows up now and then as well as a few soft or autofocus blurs. There’s also a hint of grain, a bit of pixelation, and a few shadows mixed in with the lighting.

Music: There’s a little music in the background that feels like it’s coming from the radio.

Watermark Warning: There’s a watermark in the lower right corner of the screen. It says put so that it’s easy to put out of your mind, but I mention it because I know that some people absolutely hate them. The good news is that the good people over at Pixie’s Emporium are great about listening to their customers, and I think they’ve started to remove the watermarks from their movies. If you’re interested in this one and the watermark is a deciding factor, make sure to drop them an e-mail and I’m sure that they’ll let you know the status of it.

Menus: The main menu has a fun feel that works in a bit of the movie. The chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of the scene and a title for the segment while keeping the fun feel.

The Feature

But Officer... I’ll Do Anything! collects two sex scenes. Each one starts out with a little story before getting into the action, and the action always involves an “officer of the law”.

Scene 1 - Ericka and Clyde

When Officer Steadman (Clyde), the local deputy, shows up looking for Ericka, a hot dirty blonde who reminds me a lot of Maria Bello, Mandi* leaves them alone so that she can try to work a deal to get out of a ticket for skipping school. She’s looking mighty hot in her white stockings, panties, and tank top with her plaid skirt, so the officer decides that a blowjob would definitely be a good thing. Ericka sucks his cock in a couple positions and then lies back for him to tongue her twat after he strips her down to her skirt. He strips that off as well before fucking Ericka missionary style and then lets her bounce on his bone in both cowgirls. They also get in a little doggie before Ericka hops back up to rub her nub while riding Clyde cowgirl style again. She looks to have a few good orgasms as they fuck, and after a bit they decide to take a break and hit the showers. They lather each other up with loving smiles and make sure each other’s dirty parts get plenty of attention. Clyde turns her around to fuck her from behind as the water cascades over them, and unlike so many big time porn movies, they both get wet while fucking in the shower and you can see that shower sex isn’t always that easy. They finally finish things up with a kiss and Clyde letting Ericka know that he’s going to let her off this time. I’m guessing he’s referring to the skipping school part rather than the pop shot part.

This scene reminded me that I really need to watch more amateur porn. Ericka is cute as hell, and shows just how good pigtails can look on the right girl. She has a great natural body and I love her nose stud. “Officer Steadman” isn’t too bad either, although his multitude of facial piercings and his tattoos don’t quite fit the policeman image. She and her man have great chemistry together and you can tell just how into each other they are without the circus acts or wild vocals. The entire scene feels extremely natural and I couldn’t help but smile through much of it. The camera work even has a nice balance between closeups and distance shots to mix things up nicely. This is a very good way to start out the movie, and the only thing missing is a pop shot.

Scene 2 - Trina and Officer Sassy

Trina a decent looking dirty blonde with smaller tits and a bit of an overbite, starts out the second scene trying to pleasure herself with a vibe. She makes a call to have Sassy come over to help with a few problems she’s having, and Officer Sassy, a nice looking blonde, struts in wearing a short black skirt, black fuck-me shoes, and a blue law enforcement shirt and cap. She starts stripping down for Trina as “Let’s Get It On” starts playing in the background, She strips down to her black tie and bikini before kissing Trina and letting her bikini top fall aside to show some nicely pierced nipples. She kisses her way around Trina before dropping down to work on her pussy with her tongue and fingers. They mix in a bit of kissing and a little vibrator action before Sassy lies back on the floor to let Trina kiss her way around her pussy. Of course Trina adds a toy to the mix as well, and after a bit moves up to ride Sassy’s tongue. They mix things up a little more working each other over trading back and forth quickly and mixing in plenty of kisses while loudly wishing they had a strap-on. They move on to sixty-nine a bit before Trina kisses her way around Sassy and the scene fades out.

This is another fun little scene, but it isn’t quite as good as the first scene. Trina and Sassy are both nice looking and have a very realistic feel to them. It has all the chemistry of the first scene, but the pace is a bit too slow and the scene started to drag a little for me. There’s also a few rough editing cuts that interrupted the flow of the scene a little much for me. All that said, there’s still plenty of chemistry and a very warm feeling that more than makes the scene work.

But Officer... I’ll Do Anything! is a fun little amateur movie. The scenes are nicely connected with the police officer theme, and the two setups definitely start the scenes off with a very fun feeling. As usual with Pixie’s Emporium, there’s plenty of chemistry in the scenes and they never get too nasty. The editing and camera work is a bit rough now and then, but even when there’s a few fast editing cuts I couldn’t complain too long or loud because it was obvious that everybody was having a lot of fun. That isn’t to say that I don’t have any complaints. The lack of a pop shot in the first scene definitely held it back a little for me and the second scene got a little long. The lack of a pop shot isn’t uncommon in amateur porn, and although I wanted to believe there was a cream pie here, I just couldn’t. But Officer... I’ll Do Anything is a fun little amateur porno that’s worth checking out if you want chemistry and some fun role playing.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery lasts nearly seven minutes with about five seconds per okay looking screen capture. Trailers are included for But Officer I’ll do Anything, Talk Dirty to Me, Friends, and School’s Out For Summer. There’s also a commercial with Mandi* sitting around looking sexy as ever while “enjoying” a bottle of bad beer. Hopefully they’ll up her salary soon so she can afford a nice can of Guinness.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, masturbation, toys, and lesbian

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of the DVDs from Pixie’s Emporium can be found online for about $15. As usual, Pixie’s Emporium delivers a nice little package. Yes, the technical aspects aren’t always the best, but there is a bit of effort put into the extras with a few trailers and the main event has plenty of chemistry. This is a very nicely done amateur DVD.

Note to Pixie’s Emporium: As usual, nice job! It’s great to see credits at the end so we can hopefully find other videos with the people we like on your website.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight