Boobs of Hazzard, The Review

Distributor: Danni's Hard Cut / Pure Play Media Edition Details: Standard DVD Movie Specs: Genres: Feature Film, All Girl Run Time: 92 minutes Rated: XXX Release Year: 2005 Director: Cisco Lamessi (as Cisco), Ashley Written by: Natasha Jackson (as Natasha), Ashley Cast: Malibu, Amy Ried, Carli Banks, Mackenzie Mack, Lexxi Tyler Release Specs: Audio: English Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo Subtitles: none Video: Full Frame, 1.33:1 Video Format: NTSC Format: DVD Regional Code (for DVD/Blu-ray): 0 (All) Number of discs: 1 Disc: DVD 9 (SS, DL) Special Features: Bloopers, Model Diaries — Amy Ried, Malibu's Virtual Lap Dance DVD-ROM Special Features: none

Synopsis:
Daisy (Carli Banks) is arrested by Boss Lady (Mackenzie Mack) for wearing shorts that are too short. Bo (Amy Ried) and Lucy Jo (Malibu) have to spring Daisy from Boss Lady's clutches.

Audio/Video:
The Boobs of Hazzard features an English 2.0 Stereo track, which works fine for the material being presented. There is no need for anything more impressive as there is nothing in the film that demands it. Other than what was intentionally done to the audio, there are no abnormalities or problems with it. Pure Play Media/Danni's Hard Cut hasn't included any foreign language tracks or subtitle options for the feature film.

The Boobs of Hazzard is presented the full screen aspect ratio of 1.33:1, which appears to be the aspect ratio that the film was intended to be shown in. For much of the film the picture is crisp and clear and looks absolutely beautiful with no blemishes or artifacts. However, in what appears to be a rising problem again, the bit rate appears to have been set to low so in places with fast motion the screen shows a high volume of pixels. In this day there is no excuse for this anymore and companies need to check their master discs for this before committing to press them.

Special Features:
There are only a few extras included on the disc and only one of them actually has anything to do with the feature film. There are a little over four minutes of bloopers on the disc. There is “Model Diaries — Amy Ried,” which runs for a little over four minutes and features a nekkid Amy talking about her life. And lastly there is the slightly over eight minute “Malibu's Virtual Lap Dance,” featuring Malibu stripping down in a POV strip tease. There is also a behind the scenes feature promised on the box which is no where to be found on the disc.

Disc Design/Navigation:
The disc features nicely designed menus with southern sounding background music. However the chapter menu only has three chapter options, all identified by a still frame only. There are only four chapter stops within the feature film itself. There is a time code encoded on the disc for the feature film.

General Review:
I think every red-blooded straight male who ever watched The Dukes of Hazzard wanted to see Daisy drop her Daisy Dukes. When I saw this title, I thought here was my chance. The show, or recent film if you are younger, was ripe for porn parody. The plots were already flimsy to begin with and hell with an all girl cast, this could be an excellent porn parody piece. Unfortunately on many levels the film doesn't live up to what I was hoping for.

The biggest problem facing the film is the plot. It appears like someone came up with the bright idea of making a vignette film with Dukes of Hazzard overtones and then someone else came up with the not so bright idea to try and link the vignettes with a thrown together plot. It starts out alright with Amy Ried as Bo, obviously in the place of Bo, and Malibu as Lucy Jo, in the place of Luke. That worked for me, one was even a blonde and the other a brunette. Their unnamed car wasn't a muscle car, but that's okay, this is porn. Carli Banks as Daisy, obviously as Daisy, fits in fine but then we find out Mackenzie Mack plays Boss Lady, an obvious take on Boss Hogg, but not the most inventive and Lexxi Tyler plays Sheriff Cookie, who seems more derived from Enos than Rosco P. Coltrane.

There are many characters missing and I felt that maybe I should be seeing some names of people in non-sex roles but I quickly found out why not. The film is essentially four sex scenes and two softcore scenes. There is a flimsy plot that connects the first several scenes, kind of, that then is disposed of rather quickly. The lines that are there are cheesy as hell and the cast isn't that good at acting. There are also some major continuity errors in the film, which don't help the poor plot plod along. As far as I'm concerned they should have left off the pretenses that this is a spoof of The Dukes of Hazzard and kept it as a southern vignette piece.

Contrary to the plot, the locations featured in the film are excellent. They all emit a rustic southern feel to the film despite the fact I'm sure they are all in California. I found it interesting that so little work could go into the plot yet it appears that more work than usual went into the locations used.

The sex scenes are the best part of the film, which is good this being porn and all, but also offered me some disappointments. Starting with the cast, these ladies may never become thespians, but they look beautiful. And they all put in great energy and apparent enjoyment into the sex scenes. The construct to the sex scenes in the film is great. The film starts out with a heavy duty softcore scene before entering the first hardcore scene. This is followed by another softcore scene before another hardcore scene. Then there are two more hardcore scenes to finish out the film.

There is tons of softcore boob play in the film, which I loved and that is intermingled with some nice sex scenes. The sex scenes slightly disappointed me because they relied heavily on toy use and I prefer minimal toys in all girl scenes. If you have an affinity for toys in all girl scenes than you will eat up the sex scenes here. The sexual themes in the film are lesbianism, pussy fingering, pussy eating, female masturbation and vaginal toy use. The other disappointing aspect to the film is the music used and how it is used in portions. Instead of using music with a southern twang, which would have fit the film, rather standard sounding porn music is used. And to add insult to injury, during some of the softcore sequences crappy synthesized music is used with no other audio at all. This may not bother some viewers but I hate it when one can only hear poor music and I also hate it when the music used doesn't match the theme of the film.

Scene Synopsis:
Scene 1: Malibu, Amy Ried
The first scene brings us Malibu and Amy Ried and Malibu starts out by using a toy on Amy. Then Malibu fingers and eats Amy before returning to using the toy on her. Then Amy eats Mailbu's pussy and fingers it. Then Amy uses a toy on Malibu. Amy briefly fingers Malibu then goes back to usinga toy on her.

Scene 2: Lexxi Tyler, Mackenzie Mack
The second scene gives us Lexxi Tyler and Mackenzie Mack and Lexxi starts out the scene by using a toy on Mackenzie. Then Mackenize uses a toy on Lexxi and licks at her pussy a bit. Then Lexxi goes back to using a toy on Mackenzie.

Scene 3: Carli Banks, Lexxi Tyler
The third scene features Carli Banks and Lexxi Tyler and Carli starts out by using a toy on Lexxi. The Lexxi slides under Carli and the two eat each other out and Lexxi uses a toy on Carli.

Scene 4: Malibu, Amy Ried, Carli Banks
The fourth and final scene in the film brings us Malibu, Amy Ried and Carli Banks. Malibu starts out the scene by eating Amy. As Malibu eats and fingers Amy, Carli strips down and starts masturbating. Then Amy eats Malibu and Fingers her. After a bit Carli uses a toy on herself. Then Malibu uses a toy on Amy. Then Amy uses a toy on Malibu to finish her off as well as the film.

Parting Thoughts:
If they could have worked on a decent plot and added some non-sex roles, The Boobs of Hazzard could have been a great spoof of The Dukes of Hazzard. Unfortunately they didn't so the film stands as a decent all sex all girl film as long as you don't mind heavily toy laden scenes. Only buy or rent the film for the girls and the sex as if you get it for any other reason you'll ultimately be disappointed.

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