Bones For Cumpuppy Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  12/10/2004

This film has one of the more nauseating scenes I have seen in a film. The most nauseating was in Pasolini’s 20 DAYS IN SODOM where at an elegant dinner party the guests were served juicy turds, which they cut up with their silver knives and forks and duly ate. In this, our hero—Cumpuppy—cuts the bottoms off six or so condoms filled with sperm, dropping the contents onto a sliced apple seated in a dish. He then rubs a piece of apple in the goo to get as much as possible onto it and eats the apple. (It will never replace the caramel apple.) He then puts his face down in the plate of sperm.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think cum is great. In days when it was fairly safe there was nothing to compare with consuming your partner’s load. And I’ve found it oddly exciting in other films from this studio when a tumbler of cum was poured into an open mouth. So what bothers me here? Think it’s the apple? Think it’s the fact that there’s a big difference in hot cum from a cock and cold cum on a plate? NO, I think the problem is Cumpuppy. He’s not attractive (he’s not bad looking either) but the main thing that turns me off is he’s such a sloppy eater! It’s not enough that the cum goes into his mouth. He’s got to open his mouth and show us the load mixed with saliva. He then always spits the load out into his hand and slurps it back up and then does it again and again.

The guys he sucks off are no great shakes either. Some are skinny with drugged-out faces, hairy potbellies, or wrinkled dicks. One of them has long blond hair and a goatee that makes him resemble an ancient Quaker or one of those pioneers who traveled west in wagon trains.
It’s boring too when he just sucks and sucks never getting an ejaculation until the guy jacks off.

There’s one brief interlude when a black dude with bleached hair cut so close it looks like a skullcap follows a gawky creature into the woods and gives him a blowjob with a pierced tongue. Other than that it’s just Cumpuppy suck suck sucking away on white cocks, black cocks, big cocks, little cocks—and once, balls.

Where’s Damon Dogg when you need him?

THERE ARE NO EXTRAS. NOT EVEN CHAPTER ENTRY POINTS.