Blonds Do It Best (Gushr) Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  7/18/2003

This film which is a DVD transfer of an earlier pre-condom film stars two of the most popular twinks of that period: Leo Ford and Lance Whitman. Leo (who first used the name Higeford) was slender, well endowed, and a true natural blond. He was a top or a bottom as the film demanded. He was a major star whose career was cut short by a motorcycle accident. Lance was also blond. He had a nice build and a big uncut piece of meat. He and Leo could have passed for cousins.

As the film opens, Leo and Lance are tooling along in a convertible discussing sexual escapades of the past. It’s a clichéd but workable gimmick to string together scenes without a real plot.

In the first scene, Chris Thompson (billed here with his other nom de porn Chris Cairns), Brandon Wilde, and Christopher James drive their station wagon to a deserted spot where they drop their trousers and jack off. Thompson with a handsome face and muscular build resembled a high school footballer until he opened his mouth. But he “wath thtill very dethirable”. Brandon was a humpy young bear. Unfortunately this is just a jack off scene. None even so much as looks at the others, much less touches them. This is our first indication that the film is not going to live up to its potential.

Lance recalls an encounter with a blond puppy, Ty Cashe, whose boat runs out of gas and stops by Lance’s lakeside cabin to get some. (He needs some gas, too.) Ty was indubitably the youngest looking eighteen-year-old in the business. (He looked to be all of thirteen. That’s him in the small insert pic on the DVD cover with Leo and Lance.) Ty defined the word “puppy”. After filling his gas can, Lance more than fills his little butt with that big uncut dick. Ty is so tiny that he can’t take it all, but he’s a game little pup and is quite willing to try. Now I know the future. Watching them made me feel like a dirty old man.

In contrast to baby Ty, Mark Sheldon is a virile hunk. (He is that anyway, but the contrast emphasizes the fact.) He and Lance return to the cabin after water-skiing. Interestingly, it is Mark who makes the first move by going down on Lance’s lance. Their sucking is interrupted by Leo returning home. Is he upset? Hell, no! He just joins right in. Mark becomes the meat in a sandwich, or—as it was called in those days—“Lucky Pierre”.

In the next scene Leo is alone in the cabin when Shawn Michaels drops by and seduces him. Of course, that was pretty easy to do, but Shawn could have seduced a homophobic evangelist. Wow, was that boy built! Leo is pumping Shawn’s ass—surprise, surprise—when little Ty returns with the empty gas can. He wants a refill, but not of gas. He has a wonderful time sucking on cocks and trying once again to get one up his butt. He does much better here. Obviously he is become more open to sexual experiences.

To complete this fuckfest, Leo and Lance arrive at a lovely spot in the great outdoors. Spreading a blanket, they alternate sucking one another’s dicks until Leo spreads for Lance.

Well, whether or not blonds do it best, they don’t do it best here. It is truly amazing that with these awesome performers the film is not an absolute scorcher. But the scenes lack tension and/or sexual excitement. The performers lack enjoyment or gusto. The camera angles are poor. And the direction is perfunctory to say the least. All of these performers were seen to better advantage in other films. However, at present, this appears to be the only DVD that features them. The director Richard Morgan is no William Higgins; but he, too, did better work elsewhere. It’s not a bad film. But it could have been a memorable one. That’s regrettable.