Big Tit Patrol Review
Addictive Entertainment
Studio: Addictive Entertainment
Category: Busty
Starring: Billy Glide, Rick Masters, Piper, Brandy Talore, Vanessa Michaels, Will Powers, Alexis Silver, Eden 38DD
Released on: 9/24/2005
Crucifixio Jones's ratings for this movie:
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Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones on 11/20/2005
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The websites comes to DVD… |
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   2005, 1 hours and 5 minutes Twisted Pink Video Produced by Lola, Camera by Derek Dozer Starring Alexis Silver, Piper Austin, Eden, Vanessa Michaels & Brandy Talore  | |||||
| What You Should Know: | |||||
| Big Tit Patrol consists of webisodes culled from the Big Tit Patrol website. As such, it‘s not shot like a conventional wall-to-wall gonzo. There are no elaborate sets, just the bare essentials: four walls, a lone bed, two enthusiastic and well-endowed participants and the other two things everyone will get this DVD to see -- huge natural tits. Where this video manages to one-up its competition is that most web-only content utilizes next-to-unknown and sometimes unreliable male talent paired with little known, amateur female talent. Twisted Pink‘s strength lies in its casting. Besides lining up every tit-lovers dream, Twisted Pink signed Julian (yes, THAT Julian) and Ramon (the Cuban performer of Bang Bros. fame) to exclusive contracts. Add in frequent contributors Billy Glide, Tommy Gunn and Rick Masters and you have yourself a pretty impressive lineup of woodsmen to plough through all these top-notch starlets. “I‘ve signed some of the biggest and best male performers in the business because size does matter,” says Lola, the seven-year adult biz vet, owner and face of Twisted Pink. “We‘re going to shoot the best girls in the business who love having sex with the biggest dicks.” Big Tit Patrol most assuredly delivers on her promise. | |||||
| Scene One: Alexis Silver with Billy Glide | |||||
 Each scene begins with Lola interviewing the starlets. Sometimes she can‘t help fondling or taking a test suck of the goods herself. This is one such time and who can blame her when faced with the enormous chest pillows of the one and only Alexis Silver. Her dreamy bedrooms eyes, seductive smile and creamy caramel complexion almost make her dirty yet sexy Brit accent a mere afterthought. This mocha flavored import has her hands and mouth full with Billy Glide in no time and Glide returns the favor, lying Alexis on her back and rabidly tonguing her gash. He slides his thick pink plank into her mish first, fucking her slit until it drips and then shoves his cock between her tits, fucking them and her mouth before letting Silver mount him cowgirl. Alexis alternates between grinding on Glide‘s cock and riding him like a bucking bronco, letting her tits bounce wildy and freely about whichever she chooses. Doggie and spoon precede a load that Billy lays across Alexis‘ tits. | |||||
| Scene Two: Piper Austin with Billy Glide | |||||
 Piper Austin. Here one day, gone the next but she and her 34D‘s caused quite a stir during the short period of time that she was shooting scenes, especially for her turns in Jonni Darkko‘s Boob Bangers and Mike John‘s POV Pervert 5. Today, she talks to Lola briefly about her turn-ons before tearing into the jeans of Billy Glide. Piper, to me at least, was a girl who definitely had the look and she could talk a good game but rarely did I see the energy in her performances that her outgoing and fun-loving interview demeanor would imply. She has a cute face, fantastic rack, talks dirty and gives great facial expressions but her performances never rose above merely average. After quickly blowing Glide, she takes his girth missionary and then spoon, juggling her tits, pushing them together and smiling for the camera as he pumps her pussy. Austin uses her fingers to spread her pussy lips apart in doggie and ACTS like she wants us to believe it‘s the best thing she‘s ever felt but she‘s almost too actress-y and I‘m not buying it. Reverse cowgirl allows us a good vantage point to watch her breasts leap up and down in tune with Glide‘s rhythm. Billy, for his part, drops the goo right over Piper‘s wagging tongue and she lets it falls down into her cleavage. The time between Billy‘s first penetration and the cum shot was exactly five minutes (10 minutes total; the first five are interview and oral) so this felt REALLY edited, rushed and short. I go back and time the Alexis Silver scene and find that without the interview and oral there is only eight minutes of actual sex. | |||||
| Scene Three: Eden with Billy Glide | |||||
 Eden I like. Imagine big boob newbie phenom Bailey a tad older and with red hair. That’s Eden. She’s a 38DD, she says in her interview with Lola. One brief but great blowjob on Glide follows and then he‘s on her mish. Eden‘s a big girl so Billy‘s got a lot of cushion to hammer away at when he hits her doggie. Just when the action is getting good and Eden reaches back to spread her ass for Glide, we switch to reverse cowgirl. Eden is definitely a site here but once again, the time spent here is entirely too short-lived. Eden clutches and caresses her juggs as Glide fucks her spoon and then mashes them together so he can fuck her tits until he jerks his jizz all over her glossy orbs. | |||||
| Scene Four: Vanessa Michaels with Will Powers | |||||
 Though I‘m not entirely familiar with Vanessa (Tits Ahoy 2, 100% Natural Wonders 3, Teens with Tits 4) or her partner here, Will, I‘ll admit that she has a very cool, teenager-ish demeanor about her and this is the first scene to deviate slightly from the formula we‘ve been seeing thus far. Lola admires Vanessa‘s ass during the interview, helping her out of her thong and smacking her ass ever so lightly, making the flesh on her backside tremble and shake just a little. From there Will takes over and eats Vanessa‘s veggie taco before she bobs her head on his lap and tit fucks him with her oiled up rack. Reverse cowgirl is where they go for starters, and then on to spooning, both positions maximizing the potential to see Vanessa‘s oiled up tits swaying to and fro. In mish, I notice Vanessa must really like piercing. As the camera pans down her body, I notice one every few feet: her tongue, her belly button and finally her clit. Will fires a slippery salvo across Vanessa‘s erect nipples while she pushes her tits together. | |||||
| Scene Five: Brandy Talore with Rick Masters | |||||
 Last but certainly not least is Brandy Talore. “Holy Toledo,” Lola exclaims when she sees Brandy‘s enormous naturals, maybe not even realizing the irony that Talore is actually from that city. “Has a guy ever cum on your tits?”, she asks. Brandy looks at her incredulously. “Has a guy ever NOT cum on my tits?” Lola just has to go in to touch and suck Brandy‘s nipples. Rick Master is next to dive in between Brandy‘s considerable cleavage and then lies her back to lap at her cunt. I‘m generally not impressed with early Brandy scenes but her oral here is on point. There‘s just the right amount of control on her part and some submission where she lets Rick gently fuck her face. The best footage comes when she leans into Masters‘ lap, gently sucking the head of his cock with her breasts wrapped around the shaft while he fingers her pussy. Hot stuff. Rick takes Brandy spoon first, parting those thick thighs and waxing that wet pussy while he grabs handfuls of her undulating tits. Doggie doesn‘t provide many thrills except for seeing Brandy‘s huge tits hang and flop about. The star of show here, as in all tit-related fare, is Brandy‘s reverse cowgirl. She rides Masters real good and then takes him to the brink by asking him, “Are you ready to cum? You wanna cum on my tits? Right on my nipples?” On her knees she goes and Rick fucks her tits until he leaves a wealth of goo right between her sweater shredders. Overall: If you‘re a fan of the website, you‘ll appreciate the opportunity to own five of the better scenes in great quality all on one DVD. Great cast paired with great male talent and plenty of hot sex but simply not enough of it. In order to compete, Twisted Pink is going to have to find a way to expand the scenes and lengthen the running time to the two hour and twenty minute plus average that most major companies are releasing today. Bonus Features:
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The opinions expressed in this review of Big Tit Patrol from Addictive Entertainment are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.