Bare Bottoms Up In London Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  12/24/2006

I love British guys. They really turn me on. I guess it’s a combination of attitude, accent, and big uncut dicks. The guys’re not gorgeous like those Eastern European beauties, but they’re sexy as hell. BARE BOTTOMS UP IN LONDON is a perfect example.
The action takes place in a pub. There’s not much to the place’s decor but it has a well-stocked bar and a horny uninhibited clientele.

It begins with perky young Conner McDonald interviewing Jack Jackson for a bartender’s job. Connor is a cute dark-haired little twink. Jack has a pierced eyebrow and looks like rough street trade. He has, however, a sweet demeanor. Connor’s accent is so heavy we could use subtitles. When the interview seemed to be winding down, Jack piped up with “Fancy a fuck?”
“What did you just say?” blurts a startled but obviously agreeable Connor.
Jack gets up and kisses him and the scene is off and running. They undress as fast as a fireman dresses. Both cocks are hard and upturned like a rhino’s horn. Connor goes down on Jack, gets his own upturned member sucked, and then is back onto Jack’s.
“Let’s get you up on the table nu!” Connor says—his accent becoming heavier in his lustful excitement.
Jack obliges; whereupon Connor eats out his ass, gives him a prostate exam, and fucks him.
It’s soon Connor’s turn on the table, so he pulls out of Connor and gets in position. Jack has the bigger dick, but it slides into Connor’s randy ass with no difficulty. In contrast to Connor who fucked Jack like a rabbit, Jack fucks Connor slowly and wanks his cock as well. They stop only so Connor can hop off and bend over the table to get it doggy fashion. Connor then decides to have another go fucking this job seeker. After this they go back to sucking and fire off hot loads.
Now that was what I call a penetrating job interview.

Kai Davis and Ivo Costa are so taken with one another that they ignore the other patrons and uncaringly put on quite a show.
“Someone’s gonna see,” Kai says when hard cocks come into view.
“I work here”, Ivo replies, “so what?” (We discover later he’s one of the bartenders.)
Ivo is a slender, sexy cutie. Kai is enormously attractive and has a cock that belongs on a small horse. I love twinks who have hair on their chests. Kai does.
They strip until they are completely naked. (Socks too.) Well, two young twinks totally naked and sucking cock create a bit of interest among the patrons who move to get a better view of the hot action. One of them—Sandy—takes out his own cock and starts masturbating.
Kai and Ivo move into a sixty-nine. Kai uses the position to start rimming Ivo’s ass.
This becomes too much for Sandy who crosses over and comes in Kai’s mouth.
“I thought that was sweet,” Kai declares. Though whether he was referring to the act or the taste I have no idea.
Ivo doesn’t pay it much mind; he simply sits down on Kai’s cock. After a bit—with his cock still fully embedded—Kai maneuvers Ivo into the missionary position where he can also suck Ivo’s stiff cock as he fucks him. Kai withdraws to eat out Ivo’s ass. Kai loves to eat ass and he does it very well. Then it’s back to fucking—this time in the doggy style. Once again he withdraws but this time it’s to unload his cream onto Ivo’s back. He licks up his cum from Ivo’s back and the sucks Ivo to completion. He swallows Ivo’s cream as well. (In addition to fucking and eating ass, Kai also loves cum.)
This was one hot scene!

In this establishment you can expect that the toilet will be put to more than pissing. That’s where we go for the very next scene. It’s sometime after the last scene as Kai is all dressed and sitting there as Ben Rivers, a pretty young man, passes by. Heading for the head Ben gives Kai a come-on look. No one could pass up this invitation, and Kai doesn’t.
As they stand there at different urinals—unable to piss because of their hard-ons—they reach over to grab one another’s cocks. Ben drops to his knees and goes down on Kai. When Kai does the same for Ben he sticks a finger up Ben’s ass. Receiving no objection to this he turns Ben around to lean on the wall, rims him, and forces that big upstanding cock up his ass. He fucks Ben hard and fast. This is a long fuck, unalleviated by any variety in the camera angles. It’s the only time in the film I feel restless.
Finally they stop so that Ben can suck the big cock that’s been up his ass. Then it’s right back to the same position to fuck some more. Ben jacks off with Kai’s cock drubbing his ass. Kai pulls out and creams on Ben’s back.

Like Kai, Ivo makes a second appearance as well. He’s at work behind the bar with fellow barman Matthew Jackson. Clothed they look so similar it’s hard to tell them apart until Ivo speaks and we hear his foreign accent. Unclothed there’s no problem in identifying them. Not only does Matthew have some hair on his chest but he also has an enormous cock with a foreskin that’s so tight it doesn’t withdraw fully from the glans even when the cock is rock hard.
There’s a fun moment when a customer comes to the bar and places an order from Matthew never realizing that Ivo is down below sucking on Matthew’s huge sausage.
When the customer departs. they strip naked and get on the floor to engage in a hot sixty-nine. Matthew eats out Ivo’s ass, and gets his eaten in return with Ivo also playing hide-the-finger. Ivo—a bottom for Kai in the earlier scene—now shows his versatility by topping the hunky young Matthew.
The fuck stops so that Matthew can give Ivo some great head and let him feel that huge cock with the tight foreskin go up his rectum. Matthew gives Ivo a savage doggy fuck, followed by an equally exhilarating missionary one.
Matthew then gets another fucking from Ivo.
Their tryst concludes with Ivo lying on his back and jacking off. Matthew leans over and licks up Ivo’s cum before adding his own to Ivo’s torso.
“I suppose we’d better get dressed and serve some customers,” Matthew tells his sated fuck-buddy. Though I think the customers would rather be served by these guys just as they are.

The final scene listed as “Jay’s Night Off” is the only one that doesn’t take place at the bar. It also introduces us to two twinks we've not seen before: Jay James and Martin Jarda. Jay looks much too young to be working in the bar—although sixteen is the legal age in civilized countries. When he bounds into the apartment, Martin is watching TV. Jay plops down onto the sofa next to Martin. After a passionate kiss of greeting they remove their shirts to reveal smooth skinny torsos. Martin sucks on Jay’s pierced nipple. He gives equal attention to the other nipple while grabbing the growing bulge in Jay’s pants. Jay removes his socks; and Martin helps him out of his trousers, before going back to sucking on the pierced nipple. As Jay shucks off his undies, Martin goes to work on his cock. (I love twinks with big dicks and Jay certainly fits the bill.) Martin slurps on Jay’s big cock like a hungry calf at his mother’s teat.
When it’s Jay’s turn to suck cock we discover that Martin is certainly no slouch in the dick department either although Jay maybe just has him beat. (Jay has most of us beat.)
A close-up shows us a cock making its way between two sweet buns. When the camera pulls back we are surprised to discover it’s Martin fucking Jay. Martin’s thrusts bring forth tiny whines from the little pup he’s fucking; and Jay tugs away at his own stiff tool in time with Martin’s thrusts.
Martin pulls his prick out with a pop. But it’s only so Jay can get up and bend over for Martin’s cock to enter him doggy style. Jay is really whining now and his hand is going on his cock a mile a minute. Then it’s back to good old missionary position for the fucking to continue. Martin continues to drive his dick into little lad until Jay’s cock spurts onto his belly. Martin pulls out in order to pound his own prick to pleasure. (I was sorry not to see Jay put his big dick to more use, but he does top in Bareback Journey to Amsterdam.)
“I’m glad I came back early,” says a contented Jay.
We are too.

Even if I weren’t such an Anglophile I would have enjoyed this one. The performers really seem to be enjoying what they are doing and their enjoyment is infectious. The whole venture was nicely thought out, photographed, and directed. It’s one I plan to keep within easy reach for those nights when I need a good wank in order to get to sleep.