Banana Cream Pie 3 Review

Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones  on  5/16/2004

Banana Cream Pie 3
***
2004, 2 hours and 40 minutes
Video Team
Directed by David Aaron Clark
Starring Kylie Rey, Mika Tan, Maia Ginger, Heidi Ho

The Knowledge:

The more I find out about David Aaron Clark the more I find we are very much alike. Besides being a more worldly and better writer than myself, DAC‘s an intelligent, outspoken man who has been known to ruffle more than a few feathers because he rarely bites his tongue, saying whatever is on his mind at any given moment regardless of the subject. Often his views and stances are controversial but he says what he thinks is right (and I often agree) regardless of how politically incorrect it may be. Clark says the things you wish you could say but don‘t because you‘re too chickenshit or mindful of other people‘s feelings. (i.e. his recent comments in his online journal concerning the moratorium, the HIV scare and fans‘ and companies’ attitudes about it) In those comments he related that this would be the last Banana Cream Pie movie. The recent tragedy struck a little too close to home for Clark and he smartly reassessed his priorities as a filmmaker:

“I’ll point first at myself. When a distributor told me last year that an all-Asian internal-pop series would FLY off his shelves, I plunged into the BANANA CREAM PIE series. He was right. It’s done quite well. Allowing myself to degenerate from a human being to another one of these lemmings, I approached it with the same resolve I approach all my projects.

…Some of my favorite performers who never do creampies did them for me. Some girls who were not on birth control offered to do anal cream pies instead. I went with it. Hey, they were okay with it. Some even suggested.

Could there be a more bullshit excuse? What was I thinking?

Obviously, I was thinking of myself. For my own gain, I embraced the culture of denial that rules Fuckworld. But unlike the teenagers and often-uneducated that we shoot, I know better. I’ve been taught better. I have no excuse, only this explanation – I have been here in Fuckworld for too long,

…So what am I, as a producer and director, going to do about all this? I really don’t know; I’m still figuring it out. The latest BANANA CREAM PIE just came out – despite the fact it’s one of my best-selling titles, it very well might be the last volume. A great director, one of my role models in this business, recently pointed out to me that he flinches every time he sees an internal comeshot, because an infected male ejaculating inside a woman’s vagina increases the chance of transmitting the HIV virus exponentially to the risk of simple bareback fucking. I didn’t become a pornographer to cater to the hateful demographic out there that is impatiently waiting for all this shit to blow over so they can see the next 18-year-old girl get her ass ripped open when two or three cocks the size of a cop’s flashlight…“

Love him or hate him, you gotta respect his gangsta. Let’s look at the end of an era.


The Action:

Kylie Rey - age 19: teenage entrepreneur: special note: loves dessert

Wearing a t-shirt with “Do you know who I am?” emblazoned on the front in bold hot pink letters comes the object of my eternal lust and cause of my incessant nocturnal emissions, Kylie Rey. If no one else knows who you are, baby, I do. This Cambodian/Salvadorian cutie’s walking door-to-door selling chocolate kisses for a school (college, she’s sure to mention) fundraiser. The gentleman who opens the door (Clark) finds a very ambitious business major who will do anything to sell the product she‘s peddling (Hershey‘s Kisses), including having a seat for a banana split before stripping. Rey reveals her ass by peeling off her turquoise capri pants and pinching her nipples, which Clark rightly notes, look just like the kisses she‘s selling. Never really doing much more than being around to instigate the action and shoot it, Clark steps aside when his buddy, a black fellow named Tyler Knight arrives. The sight of Kylie standing nearly nude before Clark puts a huge smile on Tyler‘s face. He takes over from here, leading Kylie from the kitchen to the living room where he palms her young ass and takes in mouthfuls of her puffy, hard nipples. You can almost see Rey getting hotter and hotter -- her eyes begin to get this dreamy, far away look to them and she starts to suck her bottom lip as if she wants to suck something else instead. Tyler doesn‘t object when Kylie begins to do just that, running her mouth along his shaft like it were a chocolate banana, drool running from between her lips and out over her chin.

Tyler takes the time to do something not enough men do in porn nowadays and that‘s lie Kylie back and taste her pussy. He doesn‘t do it long, but at least he puts his head down there. I was never big on watching the cunnilingus portion of adult videos when I was younger but now that I‘m a tad older I appreciate the men actually trying to satisfy the women. Directors take note: You should do more of this. You honestly can’t beat the facial and physical reactions of a female really enjoying a tongue running up and down her labia and over her clit. This can be extremely sexy and hot when done correctly. Male performers: grab one of those g/g only performers and ask her to show you how to do it properly. It couldn’t hurt to pick up a few pointers or else you’re just wasting everyone’s time. As is, Tyler only licks Rey enough to get her wet enough to maneuver himself inside missionary. Kylie opens up wide to accept him, expressing how wet her pussy is. Uh huh. CAST ME! I wouldn‘t half-step on eating Kylie out like she were a Georgia peach and I was a parolee fresh outta the joint. DAC wants to see Rey‘s ass up in the air for doggie so our performers entertain his wishes for a bit before Tyler moves Kylie over to a nearby window where he does her standing doggie, Rey holding gripping the ledge for dear life and unable to enjoy the view. Poor thing. Our couple tumbles to the carpet for some spooning action, Tyler holding Kylie‘s near leg up high while he cups her tiny titties with his other. Watching Kylie‘s aggressive sneer on her face makes me miss the conclusion, which if you remember, would be a creampie. I completely forgot until Clark asks Tyler “Did you creampie her?” Kylie spreads her lips and out it comes. Clark gives Tyler the spoon from their earlier banana split and he uses it to spoon up the jizz and feed it to Kylie. “Now that‘s a banana cream pie!,” Clark says. Right before he says he and Tyler don‘t want to buy any of Kylie‘s kisses. HA! That’s cold. But they sure could go for another banana cream pie. From Kylie, so could I. ***


Mika Tan - age 25: irritated girlfriend. special note: ultra-frisky

Mika is nagging the ever-living fuck out of Brian Surewood to take her to the beach. As she whines, she bounces a huge beach ball off of his head repeatedly. I swear to God if she hits him with that ball one more time with that high-pitched voice of hers, *I* am going to knock her down. “You wanna do something today?,” Surewood asks finally. He takes Tan and pushes her down on her beach ball and starts eating her clam like he found her on the beach. Tan pulls her bikini top to either side exposing those firm mounds on her chest and spreads her legs far apart, yelping up a storm while Brian licks and fingers away at her snatch. Like I suggested earlier, this is hotter than you can imagine. Watching Mika being barely able to catch her breath while she writhes, climbs the walls and reaches out to grab objects that aren‘t even there is the stuff good porn is made of and why Brian Surewood, despite looking like a pirate, is a better performer than you. And since he got Mika to convulse uncontrollably and flail around like a newborn, she can‘t wait to give him AVN pre-nom worthy head. This is why you should eat pussy, folks. It’s only going to benefit you in the long run. You get out of it what you put into it, it’s better to give than to receive, do unto others as you would have them do unto you…and any other overused cliché you can think of. After you get someone like Mika in the zone and satisfy her, she‘s pretty much at your beck and call, willing to do anything you request. She‘s sucking Surewood off like she were a mail-order bride and Brian OWNED her. Surewood continues to drive Mika crazy in a horny sixty-nine, not bothering to come up for air and working her up until she can‘t wait to ride his cock reverse cowgirl. He‘s sweating and breathing as hard as Mika when he repositions himself to bang her box missionary, making her orbs bounce while holding on to her white high heels.

This is where the scene and Brian get creative. Mika lies face down on the beach ball (which is more of a workout/pilates ball) and bounces her ass up and down while Surewood fingers her pussy. You can literally hear how sopping wet it is. Her abdomen resting over the ball and her ass high in the air, Mika spreads her legs far apart so Surewood can tap that great fleshy bumper doggie. He pulls back on her arms like they were the reins to a horse and buggy. Mika, meanwhile, is still emitting sounds of great joy, looking hot as fuck with her tits hanging over the edge of the ball and her legs reaching as far across the room as they can go, damn near doing a split while Surewood splits her cheeks. “I don‘t think this is the kind of aerobics they had in mind for this ball,” Mika eeks out in between panting and screaming. The use the ball and its bouncy properties for more fun in missionary and in reverse cowgirl, where Mika eats a banana while she uses the prop to propel herself on and off of Surewood‘s probing and prodding prick. Wow, say that three times fast. Surewood takes Mika‘s long legs up onto his shoulders (her high heels meeting behind his head and intertwining) and drills her missionary until he pops inside her twat. After cumming really hard, he immediately reaches for Tan‘s discarded banana and jams it in her hole in an attempt to scoop out some cream. He feeds her the treat while she laughs and giggles. These two had tremendous chemistry. *** ½


Maia Ginger - age 23, likes to show off for hubby. special note: trained pleasure doll!

Trained Pleasure Doll, huh? As DAC uses his camera to slowly trace her curves I can‘t say how much she really does look like a robot built solely to satisfy men‘s needs. Her body is perfect; long, lean, tight and bronzed to perfection all wrapped up in an electric blue outfit that you might see in a Frederick‘s of Hollywood catalog. Her husband sits on a nearby sofa and chats with DAC about the French-Indonesian beauty as if she weren‘t there or were some sort of exotic creature (which she is) that they found in the wild. Clark tells us that she‘s Indonesian but she and her husband are both clearly speaking French. She understands his English fine, though, when he asks to see her breasts. Lord Have Mercy, where did Clark find this woman? Her body is absolutely flawless. Her enhanced breasts may be larger than some would like, but for me personally, they are totally awesome and the job is very good; they hang naturally and move around freely and look very soft (barring those razor sharp asian nipples). Her husband has her lie back and show off her little pink love flaps as well, demonstrating how well he has her “trained.” It‘s not long before he has his cock in her mouth allowing her to show off that skill as well. She cups her big jugs and runs them along either side of his balls while she bobs on the majority of the shaft. At the base of this old prick‘s prick is a cock ring and immediately I smell trouble. Watch this dude either not be able to keep it up or pop when this scene ends. Not to mention it just looks homosexual as all hell and looks to be cutting off his circulation.

Out of nowhere, Brian Surewood appears and so does his penis. Maia introduces herself with a handshake and then with the industry standard handshake: a hawt and horny blowjob. Ginger‘s got both cocks in her hands like oars and rolls them through her mouth like she were on a professional rowing team. The guys lie Ginger back and while she continues to blow the older man, Surewood gives her the Surewood Special, licking her pussy from front to back, making her cum in the process. Her husband looks at her in shock like he‘s never seen her cum before. I bet you don‘t lick the cat, buddy, that‘s the problem. You can‘t just start a car cold, especially not at his age. Surewood plunges in mish, running his pink fuckstick in and out of Ginger‘s brown mound while she works over her husband‘s dick like it were the best Jolly Rancher ever manufactured. Hubby has his run at Ginger in standing doggie while she keeps Surewood in her mouth but something about her man’s cock ring is just bugging me. Surewood and this old fart switch places, Surewood ramming Maia from behind as she wraps her lips around hubby‘s dick head. In cowgirl we really get to admire Maia‘s magnificent ass and her unreal 36dd tits spill out over her lacy top. This girl is loving what she‘s doing. It‘s a shame I don‘t know more French because she talks a few times during this scene and although I don‘t know exactly what she‘s saying, I can tell by the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye that it‘s very good. She takes to Surewood a bit better than she does her own husband which I‘m sure must be awkward for him; watching your girl really get off on fucking someone else. An adventure for her, a blow to the ego for him. After some reverse cowgirl and spooning, Surewood fills Maia up with nut mish and she lets it run out of her freshly-fucked pussy down over the edge of the sofa. And wouldn‘t you know it, hubby produces a weak pop inside Maia‘s mouth that we hardly even see. I told you that cock ring would be trouble. Maia was energetic and amazing, a truly nasty slut we need to see more of in the near future. ****


Heidi Ho - wants to be porn nympho to rebel against strict upbringing. Special note: love to be made to suck cock!

Heidi I find to be a fairly average-looking “AZN“ as DAC likes to call them. There‘s nothing physically that stands out like our three previous girls: Kylie, who is the very embodiment of teen sensuality or Mika Tan who is just a full-blown woman with curves not typical to asian women and Maia Ginger who was a freak of nature, in body and in attitude. Heidi is lying on a bed while Tyler Knight and Brian Surewood caress her body through her flimsy nightgown. Tyler licks her pussy while she smiles and giggles, unaffected, staring at the camera while DAC continues to banter with her. Surewood busies himself with her heels until he lays his cock next to her face to give her something to occupy her time. No sooner does Heidi get Tyler‘s cock in her mouth does Surewood start plugging away at her pussy. Out of nowhere, Mr. Marcus shows up and adds his dick to the mix. Heidi‘s not even undressed at this point, still fully adorned in the black heart-covered nightie with red gloves and matching high heels. Heidi takes turns alternately sucking off Knight and Marcus while Brian fucks her doggie. So far, Heidi still has yet to impress. There‘s no life to her whatsoever, no enthusiasm on her part. She‘s simply serving as a series of warm and wet orifices for these men to plug their cocks and eventually, a receptacle for their cum.

The guys are doing their best to “train” Heidi but not even they can make this woman seem anything more than average. Honestly, it looks like these three just picked up a lady from the local Chinese takeout, not having sex with a person whose profession is to have sex. Heidi’s holes are kept chock full of dick at all times in various positions and sure she makes a little noise but there’s nothing she adds to write home about. DAC tries to give the guys some subtle encouragement by saying, “She says she never makes noise during sex” implying that they must be doing a good job. Not that they aren’t but isn’t the job of her director and her co-stars to inspire her and draw out a better performance? In this respect, they are failing Ms. Ho. There are a lot of weird cuts in this scene as well, one of the most notable being when Heidi takes Mr. Marcus in her ass and as soon as he gets started, we jump to another part of the scene altogether where she’s not getting fucked at all, but rather talking and (finally) getting undressed. We pick up here where Surewood tackles her bunghole for a while until Marcus spoons her ass while she has Tyler in the mouth. Never one to be left out of the action, Surewood lies down in front of Heidi and inserts himself into her slit for a spooning double penetration…then we get another weird cut just as the action starts to pick up. Heidi looks supremely uncomfortable riding Mr. Marcus anal reverse cowgirl, so DAC allows her to pick her DP partner: Bachelor #1 Tyler Knight or Bachelor #2 Brian Surewood. She opts for Surewood and screams bloody murder once he and Marcus start going to town on her. “I thought you said you never made noise when you have sex…what happened to that?,” DAC asks the screaming Ho. I assume she’s never had three Grade-A porno dicks in her at once before, that’s what “happened.” Cut to Surewood and Marcus giving Heidi a standing DP where she makes more really loud typical “oh my God, these cocks are tearing me apart inside” asian noises. Surewood laces her with an anal creampie which she doesn’t bother to push out. Mr. Marcus gives her a decent enough facial and Tyler cums last, a facial after a missionary sequence that lasted entirely too long. Then, as if we hadn‘t wasted enough film on this broad, DAC gets a hummer from her, too.

Man, this scene is all over the place as far as editing, I’m guessing mostly because of Heidi and her seeming physical discomfort at various times throughout. This seemed to go on forever and definitely should not have been included last if the intention is to end the DVD on a high note. Heidi desperately needs help and probably shouldn’t be placed in front of a camera again until she’s properly groomed for a more “professional” performance. I know you thought this scene was hot, DAC, but it didn‘t move me personally. If I want to see painfully average Asians fuck as if the slightest bit of cock is going to kill them and scream at the top their lungs when a guy puts more than two inches inside them, I‘ll go back to Japan and buy their poorly pixilated excuses for pornography. **


Extras:

Two bonus scenes, one with Kylie Rey and another with Maia Ginger, a Behind the Scenes featurette (22:30), Cast Bios, trailers for Asia Noir #1 and #2, a controllable photo gallery, phone sex ads and website info.

Comments:

As far as advances, DAC toys with slow motion and other creative editing techniques not previously employed before in this series. The scenes themselves were sequenced nicely (which is important to me, to establish an overall logical flow and progression) with Kylie starting us off with a very strokable scene, followed by the always impressive Mika Tan (who really had her work boots on) and then the impossible-to-follow Maia Ginger, who I think is an alien from another planet whose sole purpose is to have sex. It only took a tremendous dive when we got to the plain Jane Heidi Ho’s scene with the schizophrenic and confusing editing. Maia was a revelation and a welcome surprise, the highlight of the disc for me, with Mika Tan and Kylie Rey nipping closely at her heels. Ho, I simply could‘ve done without. Instead of including that overly long amateur exhibition, DAC could’ve crammed in an entire extra scene, rather than just giving us four in the main feature and two bonus scenes. The vast amount of extras make up for that atrocious mini-gangbang, however, and make Banana Cream Pie 3 still very much worth picking up if you are a fan of the other girls. DAC continues to have the best eye in the business for asian talent. Good looking‘ out on casting Kylie again and making her the cover girl, to boot.

Crucifixio Jones