Azz Fest Review

Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones  on  3/14/2004

Azz Fest
**** ½
From Video Team
2003, 2 hours and 20 minutes minutes
Directed by Van Styles
Starring Belladonna, Cherokee, Austin O’Riley, Fiona Cheeks, Olivia O’Lovely

Synopsis:

I’m convinced the US government has tampered with the nation’s water supply. I remember when white girls didn’t have asses. Tired of that fact, being called nicknames like “long back” and the like, the old white powers-that-be finally decided to do something about it. Today, White Girl v.2.0 is officially coming off the assembly line with butts their predecessors only dreamed of. It can only be the water. After years of neglect, asses are finally en vogue and openly appreciated by all. Sure, in the late ‘90s Elegant Angel had their Buttwoman and Stagliano made butts his primary focus long before his Evil Angel took in Jules Jordan in the new millennium but for the most part for a long time, only the brothers really appreciated a big round badunkadunk. But in 2004, people of all races are starting to see that the back door is where the real action is and sistas aren’t the only ones in possession of that onion; an ass so booty-ful it makes you wanna cry. Nothing like glorious glutes to bring the warring races together.

It’s only fitting that the former lover of the original Buttwoman bring us the new generation of powerhouse posteriors. An authority on asses by proxy (and proximity), Styles has arguably assembled the cream of the butt crop in today’s adult industry; I’m sure all of these names have at some time or another landed on a Top 10 of Best Butts or been the subject of ass-talk around whatever water cooler porn watchers tend to congregate. Say what you want, but you can’t front on the casting: Belladonna has quickly become a salacious legend in her own time, easily identified by her inspired and over-the-top performances, her plethora of body art but mostly for her totally unreal ass. Olivia O‘Lovely probably has the juiciest and meatiest ass to hit the scene since…ever. Cherokee is the spinner from Hell, a 4’11” stripper with a dance circuit-toned body complete with curves that‘d make a Coke bottle sweat with envy. Fiona and Austin are two of the most underrated and overlooked starlets today, both with ungodly asses that every fan should make a point to see more of.

The Action:

Belladonna

Belladonna is outside in a hot black leather bikini, the top ties, the bottom buckles. A flash of her tits here, a close-up of her ass there and she walks inside where a man and a bed await. Bella’s raring to go; clawing, sniffing and biting at the crotch of Kurt Lockwood’s jeans with a huge smile on her face, literally bouncing up and down with excitement like a kid on Christmas morning. The first thing she does when she has his cock out is put it directly to the back of her throat, easily making her nose meet his bellybutton while she voluntarily keeps her hands behind her head. She’s assumed the position of an apprehended suspect, people, because no doubt some criminal proceedings are about to take place. She’s still in the process of catching her breath when she lies back to have her pussy fingered, spit on and slapped while she gets choked, which she likes obviously, since she‘s short of wind because she gagged and choked on his prick so much. Bella turns over and bounces her butt like an Atlanta stripper, making it clap until Kurt takes her from behind, shoving his fingers into her asshole with his free hand . He pulls Bella back by her throat and chin (resembling the Iron Sheik‘s “Camel Clutch“ maneuver), making her arch her ass up that much higher, which looks REALLY good when you have an ass like hers. ‘Donna isn’t showing any signs of resistance, struggle or discomfort. Amazing, but Scott Steiner would be pissed. When that’s not good enough, he grabs her by her short dirty blonde hair, banging her harder and faster while she pushes herself back onto him with equal reciprocating force. On top in cowgirl, Bella grinds circles with her slap-reddened ass and rubs at her clit while our guy slaps at her bouncing tits. On her back, she gets assaulted anally while she fingers herself and rubs her clit raw with those familiar “Bebe” tattooed fingers. His cock is sliding through her ass like a hot knife through warm butter by the time they move to reverse cowgirl anal and Bella sucks his dick ass-to-mouth as if there was literally butter on it. In doggie, Bella is still frigging her clit with one hand while the other is pulled behind her back and used for leverage. She slides off of the edge of the bed for more a2m cocksucking until she gets a huge, pearly white load which partially goes up her nose, all over and into her mouth, splatters her right cheek and drips down over her infamous sacred heart tattoo. Intense as ever, Belladonna once again makes it hard for any performer that‘s going to follow her and KILLS her partner. *****

Cherokee

Wearing a hot pink farmer’s daughter-type number and grabbing her translucent 6-inch heels is Cherokee, a tiny (in stature and voice) but big-breasted brunette. She undoes the tiny knot in front of her pink plaid shirt to reveal a pair of pointy nipples that look as though they themselves could cut through diamonds. Mr. Marcus walks onto the set with his trademark grin plastered all over his face and who can blame him? Cherokee is leaning over the back of a sofa nuzzling his “brand new” black CK underwear (who’s he think he is, Lex?) like a purring sex kitten, coaxing the trouser snake out of its den and hibernation. After working him over with her mouth and hands, Marcus lies Cherokee back right on the back of that sofa and gives her vagina a vigorous in-and-out right there while she supports herself with one arm and rubs her clit with the other hand. It looks uncomfortable but gives us a good view of all of Cherokee‘s body. The two briefly do some standing cowgirl before going back to mish on the sofa. Cherokee’s freckled frame is tense and as rigid as a board while Marcus plows her to an apparent orgasm; her screams get stuck in her throat when he teases her, taking his cock out momentarily and ramming it back in hard repeatedly. In cowgirl, Cherokee “drops it like it’s hot,” draping her ass over Marcus’ prick and showing everyone she’s got the backside it takes to be included in a movie entitled “Azz Fest.” She jiggles that thing like jell-o in reverse cowgirl and I’m baffled how the mere sight of it didn’t make Marcus’ heads explode. He manages to hold out still (but not much longer) in doggie, where the view is just as awe-inspiring. Cherokee backs that round thang up on Marcus and Styles is there to capture it POV until she turns around to collect a small disappointing pop shot. Cherokee was super-hot and seemed to genuinely like her partner but Mr. Marcus was just there, not really inspiring or forcing her to “kick it up a notch.” All the weight, all the responsibility of making the scene a winner isn‘t on the female talent, dude. You‘ve got to do your part, too. Marcus was coasting while our little Italian/Indian girl was trying her fucking heart out to be in an experience worth watching. Maybe next time, sweetheart. **½

Austin O’Riley

I’ve seen some pretty crazy footwear in my lifetime, believe me, but Austin has on a pair of the most insane black heels of all-time in her scene. They must be at least 10-inches long and there is no way on Earth anyone could actually walk in them. (you’ll see Van Styles having to help her down the stairs in the end credits and her complaining about them in the Behind the Scenes) Which explains why we never see Austin walk; she crawls over to a sofa to play with herself and Styles’ camera follows behind her. When we see her next, she’s already on the couch sitting between the stiff pricks of Brett Rockman and Brian Surewood. Her frilly pink bra is pulled down to expose her 34b breasts, her matching panties pulled up to expose her pussy. The guys jam their cocks into any open orifice, beating her face and forehead, fucking her earlobes and the inside her ear and of course, her mouth. Brett gets first stab as he pulls her panties aside for missionary penetration while Brian continues to forcefully speedfuck her face. The two switch places before turning O’Riley over for more of the same doggie. Austin’s garters are a nice touch; they basically frame her ass, drawing your eye to all the right places while the centerpiece receives the proper attention. Rockman’s curved cock virtually disappears between those two meaty bouncing mounds of ass flesh. Deciding they’ve worn out her snatch enough, the fellas turn their attention to her ass proper, taking turns violating it mish and making her taste them a2m in between. A double-penetration follows, Rockman in her twat, Surewood in her ass. Kneeling between their two cocks again, O’Riley readies herself for a double dose of spooge, which she gets in abundance. After stroking and gagging on their dicks a bit, they paste her fake lashes closed, dropping cum all over every inch of her face. Now that’s a facial! “I can’t open my eyes! THEY‘RE GLUED SHUT!” the “Catholic schoolgirl gone crazy” screams in terror. No, not really but she does say those words. More pleased than horrified, rest assured. She giggles as we fade to the next scene. ***

Fiona Cheeks

Where are these chicks getting these heels!? Remember what I said about Austin’s black ones? Fiona Cheeks has the exact same pair except in white. She’s also wearing a tiny red revealing outfit. Imagine a Laker girl’s cheerleading get-up in red and you’ve got it. It’s even got a white belt to go with the little underwear-like shorts. This looks like a potential scene to Buck Adams’ old Babewatch movies. Heh. Brian Surewood and Talon have either been watching the now brunette (which makes her look like Flick Shagwell) Fiona strut around and play with herself or they popped about thirty Viagra apiece because they have the very definition of raging hard-ons by the time Cheeks makes her way over to them. Seriously, look up “raging hard-on” in the dictionary and you’ll see a picture of Brian Surewood standing there looking like an extra from Pirates of the Caribbean with a boner sticking through his knickers. In keeping with the whole athletic outfit motif, both guys are wearing windbreaker pants. I’m not sure if that’s intentional but it does make it easy for Fiona to pull them down (once she gets those huge erections out of the way) to suck their cocks. I guess they shouldn’t call them windbreaker pants, but rather jawbreaker pants, because that’s what Surewood and Lockwood take turns trying to do. As Surewood eats out and then fucks Fiona, it hits me that, other than the huge discrepancy in the size of their chests, she looks very much like Lezley Zen. Fiona lets fly with some dirty talk in between the plugging of her face and ass, most of it revolving around begging to be “fucked” with “big cocks” sometimes even with her mouth full. “Look at that ass,” Surewood says as he admires Cheeks’ cheeks as she walks away. In mish and doggie, he puts the screws to her “dirty ass”, slapping it while she rubs her clit and sucks Talon’s tool. “I want another cock!“ Soon she’s double-penetrated, admitting that she’s a “fucking freak” and getting her hair pulled. “God, I feel like a whore! I wanna taste my ass, give it to me!” Fiona takes her place between both men, once again gagging on their dicks until they rub out streams of jizz into her open mouth. She gargles Surewood’s cum and lets it drip out of the corners of her mouth. Talon overshoots her face and lands the majority of his ball batter in her hair. She kisses both dicks and laughs to end the scene. ** ½

Olivia O’Lovely

Ain’t but one way to open a scene featuring Ms. O’Lovely: with the camera focused dead on her ass in extreme close-up. That’s a no-brainer. Olivia’s wearing a lacy black ensemble of sheer stockings, thong and garters and a hot pink mesh top that covers a matching lacy black bra. She plays with her pussy and briefly shows us her 36D tits before crawling to the center of the room on all fours. With the size of that ass, I half-expect Styles to cut away to a glass of water trembling, the water inside rippling from the weight of the oncoming beast like in Jurassic Park. Someone buy Olivia a ‘Get Well’ card because that girl’s ass is SICK. She asks the guys if they want sloppy blowjobs as she runs her pierced tongue over their cocks and unleashes her tan lined tits. I swear, Brian Surewood is one of the few guys left that bothers to eat girls out anymore. Good for him. Not wanting to see like less of a gentlemen, Ashley follows suit and gives O’Lovely’s pussy a few amorous licks. After this, Olivia sits on Surewood’s lap and I know not where his dick ends up, her ass is just too damn big to see. As she picks up speed, I can see its firmly embedded in her pussy but I can also see that Surewood is in serious danger of having his hips crushed to dust under O’Lovely’s massive ass. Ashley’s dick gets similarly lost in space when he pounds Olivia doggie. Try as they might, they can’t hurt Olivia because there’s so much padding between the points of contact. There is plenty of cushion for their pushin’ and not in a bad way. “Straight from my ass to my lips,” she brags, raising her eyebrows at the camera while she sucks Surewood’s dick a2m. The boys DP her cowgirl then tag up, switch orifices and do it again. “Oh, that feels so fuckin’ good!” she exclaims as Jay brings his dick to her face for more a2m action. When Olivia turns around to ride Surewood reverse cowgirl, she’s gaping to the point of being cavernous; it’s literally a deep, dark black hole we see and one I fear Surewood may never (want to) emerge. Jay nails O‘Lovely once more backdoor doggie before she gets on her knees to be doused. Surewood forms a puddle over her latina lips and she blows cum bubbles with his load. She has to jerk Ashley to completion who only fires one good rope across the bottom of her chin. “Two dicks for a naughty bitch,” Olivia says to us while she strokes and kisses both cocks as the credits begin to roll. *****

Extras:

Cast Bios, photo gallery, Behind the Scenes (O‘Riley asking the guys not to cum above her eye line and then having them purposely aim for where she said not to and then complaining the cum burns, Belladonna amazed at how good Lockwood is at fucking her being super complimentary saying she hasn‘t been fucked like that in, like, three months, Fiona being a chatterbox while fucking Surewood, Olivia getting bitchy when Jay Ashley tries to force her head down on Surewood’s dick “WAIT! This is not Anabolic“, Belladonna contorting herself for stills, an interview with Cherokee where she talks about surprising her men in strange places with sex, Styles talks to O’Riley: “Do you get a lot of black guys hitting on you for your big ole butt?“ “Yeah, and Hispanic guys…white guys are afraid of my big ole butt.“ See!? I TOLD you!, four preview trailers (I Love Lacey, Hotel “O“ #2, Chocolate Cream Pie #3 and Chocolate Vanilla Cream Pie), website and phone sex ads.

Comments:

Azz Fest would be a wise addition to the library of any ass-ficionado. All the girls are smoking, with only Cherokee getting the dubious distinction of being the lone one who didn’t do anal. Van Styles put together a perfect mix of pretty girls with all the right ass-ets, male talent, camerawork and smoking action that just might give that ass worshipping flesh hunter cause to worry. Score one for Video Team.

Crucifixio Jones