Auzziebums Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  8/14/2006

Mike Esser began making softcore films, as only they were permissible in Britain at the time he began. He jazzed them up to make them appear as “art films” using double exposures, rapid cutting, and other editorial and photographic devices. When the law changed and he could make hardcore films, he used the same techniques to the detriment of the films. We had beautiful guys but couldn’t get involved in what they were doing because of all the artsy-fartsy shenanigans. I am happy to say that is not the case here. The “artsy” stuff is restrained and AUZZIEBUMS is both beautiful and sizzling. The action takes place in Kangaroo Valley but there are no kangaroos in evidence. There are however a lot of great-looking guys.

It begins with a scene subtitled “Brokeback Mound”. (Will our porn films ever be the same since the great gay love story?) Two handsome bare-chested guys carrying pitchforks arrive at the top of a hill where there are several bales of hay. These hunks are Andy Stone, a young stud with a nice body, and a somewhat older Marc Amon who—as we soon discover—has one of the prettiest uncut pricks I’ve seen. Like Jake and Ennis these two have been without sex for some time. Telling Marc he is only protecting the sheep from Marc’s horniness, Andy goes down on the pretty piece of meat. It is a beautiful pastoral scene with both stripped naked and sucking away amid spectacular scenery. (Marc also does great service to Andy’s randy organ.) This picnic on the grass is observed by curly-haired Billy Rawson who—like the viewer—is getting turned on by the fleshly feast.
Andy sits down on Marc’s cock. The fuck is converted to the missionary and finally doggy. As Andy is getting fucked in this position, Billy approaches and shoves his stiff shaft in Andy’s mouth. Filled at both ends, Andy’s hard dick can be seen throbbing against his belly. We cut to find it buried in Billy’s arse while Billy sucks Marc’s pretty prick. After a bit we cut to Marc having his turn in Billy’s receptive rear.

The second scene is subtitled “Cottaging”. Handsome Kristian Winter in a spectacular rustic cottage is lounging late in bed while outside an attractive Andrew McKay is stripping down. Andrew enters the bedroom nude and we soon find them entwined in one another’s arms, sharing passionate kisses, and sucking stupendous cocks. We cut away at one point to see Billy outside showering. Andrew’s dick remains rampant as Kristian fucks him in a variety of positions—including a standing fuck. When they are back on the bed, Billy enters to join them and is fucked. (I wonder if Billy is just a lucky guy to be in the right places at the right times, or if he goes around looking for couples to join.)

“Taken Inside Out” is the third segment. A heavily tattooed Martin Mazza is showering when cute, slender Rick Chester enters to shave. Observing the cute youth with the sapphire blue eyes, Martin springs a boner. When we cut back to Rick we see that he too is getting ideas: a huge cock is protruding though the opening in his boxers. Rick slips off the underwear and lets his straining cock lead him over to join Martin. Their bodies mesh together and their lips meet. Hard cocks press against firm bellies. Martin drops down—not to suck on Rick’s manly member—but to eat out his ass. Rick sucks Martin’s cock, rims him, and—surprise, surprise—fucks the more muscular guy.
The fuck continues outdoors, hence the subtitle. I was keeping an eye out for Billy, but he missed out here. Not so a lanky Luke Watts who comes upon them.
“Looks like it’s my turn now,” Luke suggests.
The spent Martin departs, leaving Luke alone with Rick who is certainly ready for more. After each has done oral homage to the other’s dick, Rick gives Luke a rousing fuck.

Randy Rick is still around for the following scene: “Morning Wood”. With his morning hard-on revealing that magnificent cock in all its glory, Rick dreams of a wanking Andy Stone. The director does his artsy thing here, but it fits nicely. The dream was prophetic for when Rick is fully awake he rises and goes to the window where he sees a bare-chested Andy chopping wood at the woodpile. Aware of his audience, Andy drops his shorts to reveal yet more wood, which he wanks off this time for real.
After shooting his load, Andy strides naked across the lawn, preceded by a still stiff dick, in order to join Rick in the bedroom. Rick greets Andy’s dick with a hungry suck. Falling back onto the bed, Rick presents Andy with a vertical cock that Andy gladly consumes. A fine sixty-nine follows before Rick eats out Andy’s ass while Andy continues to devour Rick’s dick. When it’s time to fuck, Andy sits down on the massive missile and then proceeds to take it in a variety of positions concluding in a missionary fuck that drives the cum from Andy’s cock. Rick adds his own contribution to the puddle. I would have been quite content for the film to have ended with this amorous duo in this sensational scene. But there is more.

“2 Bcum 4”. Andrew McKay is alone on a sofa when Martin Mazza appears and goes down on him. They suck and eat ass before Andrew enters Martin anally. After they have cum, Martin goes outside to join a nude Andy Stone. Inside on a sofa, Luke Watts is getting hard. Andrew joins Luke and strips him naked. While Luke is engaged in sucking Andrew’s upturned dick, Andy comes in. Martin does as well.
As this review is getting a mite long I will not go into a blow-by-blow description of the action but simply say that, in spite of the scene containing no anal intercourse, a good time was had by all—including the viewer.

With excellent music, AUZZIEBUMS is a treat for the ear as well as the eye. Hot guys, nicely photographed, and expertly directed make this one to get.

I have been wondering where to go for Christmas. Now I think Australia is just the place. It will be summer there, which means the beaches will be full of beautiful guys. Anyone care to join me? I really like Auzziebums. (I like Auzziecocks, too.)