Assterpiece Theatre Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  12/18/2007

The Little Details

Running Time: 141 min.

Production Date: 8 / 25 / 2007

Director: Credited to “Miss Divine”, but the scenes are really directed by Andre Madness, Barry Wood, Brett Maverick, Daniel Dakota, Luc Wylder, Richard Montford, Ronnie James, Roy Karch, and Simbo Super B. As this seems like a deliberate attempt to make this not look like a compilation by making up a name for a director rather than crediting the actual directors, I'm deducting a half point from the overall score

Cast: Bailey, Crissy Cums, Lexi Marie, Melissa Lauren, Nicki Hunter, Sandra Romain, Tyla Wynn, Billy Glyde, Chris Cannon, Chris Charming, Jerry, Marco Banderas, Talon, and Tommy Gunn

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: This is a nice collection of girls, and with a need to watch a bit of anal action I can't help but look forward to this one a little.

Initial Reaction: It's an okay compilation, but it's not too hard to find a better anal compilation out there (even without venturing away from Adam & Eve).

Who Should Watch It : Fans of the cast

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting consistent anal scenes

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: As with most compilations, the technical aspects vary from scene to scene. That's true here as well, although it's not as bad as some other compilation releases as the scenes are all from recent movies. The audio is okay. Much of it is nicely balanced, but there is some very noticeable background noises in some of the scenes. The video mixes full frame and non-anamorphic presentations for the scenes, and normally looks pretty good. Some of the scenes have a bit of camera motion and there are also some with a very washed look that came off looking very cheap.

Music: As with most compilations, the music varies from scene to scene. There's nothing different about that here, as some scenes have no music, some have music blaring, and some have some nicely balanced music.

Menus: The main menu gives a pretty poor first impression just giving a faded clip from the movie with the choices. The chapter menu is very generic, and lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and a scene number only.

The Feature

Assterpiece Theatre collects seven scenes from Adam and Eve (and their Bad Seed offshoot) movies. The scenes appear to be in their original form and all nicely let you know who's in each scene and where the scene came from as they start.

Scene 1 – Lexi Marie, Tyla Wynn, and Talon

The opening scene comes from Dirty Little Devils 3. After Tyla shows off in a little red and black outfit, you get a better look at her short hooded red and black horned hoodie with “Evil” across it as she watches Lexi and Talon kiss and grope each other. They let her come down so they can work each other over orally with Tyla leading the way sucking Talon's cock. Lexi barely helps her, and instead gets down to lick Tyla's twat before laying back to let Tyla fuck her with a pink dildo. She puts on a strap-on and watches Talon fuck Tyla from behind as she rubs a red dildo around Tyla's pussy. Tyla gets down to suck both cocks, and keeps sucking Lexi as Talon fucks her missionary style before letting them DP her cowgirl style with her riding Talon as Lexi fucks her ass. They keep double stuffing her with Talon fucking her ass from behind standing up as Lexi fucks her pussy with the red dildo before Talon pops a nice load on her back.

This is a pretty good scene. The outfits are great and there's some pretty good chemistry all around. Tyla easily leads the scene while Talon, as usual, doesn't bring much beyond a hard cock that shows more emotion than his face, while Lexi does a good job with the toy angle. Sadly, the toy angle was also the weakness of the scene as I couldn't help but want to see much more of Lexi. Her limited role in this scene is the biggest problem with it, and held the scene back a fair amount for me.

Scene 2 – Melissa Lauren and Tommy Gunn

Melissa and Tommy's scene comes from the original Ass Pumpers. Melissa, still in her blonde phase, starts out chatting about being nineteen and why European porn girls are more eager to do anal. She shows off a little before admiring Tommy's cock as it pokes his pocket out of his jeans. Tommy checks out her tits and tongues her ass before fucking Melissa's face as she puts out plenty of spit. Melissa rides him reverse cowgirl style before laying back for a bit of missionary, and then lets Tommy take her ass from behind. She rides it cowgirl style with a few tastes of her ass from Tommy's cock, and finishes things up letting him pop on her ass and reaching back to take a few tastes.

This is an okay scene. Melissa looks great, as usual, and takes it up the ass extremely well, which is also nothing new. The scene is held back by the video work and editing, however, with the video having an odd tint and softness to it while the editing is very choppy and leaves you feeling like you missed a lot of the action. Combined it gives the scene a look that's so amateurish that it's painful. This scene only makes it to the average mark due to Melissa's great anal skills, and barely does it at that.

Scene 3 – Nicki Hunter and Billy Glyde

Unfortunately, things stick with the original Ass Pumpers for the next scene. Bottle blonde Nicki starts her scene out on a pool table playing with the balls in a baby blue tied off wifebeater and short cutoff jeans talking about loving balls, her love of anal, and her first anal experience. The camera man continues to mouth off and check Nicki out as she starts kissing and playing with Billy, and soon after Billy's between her legs eating her holes. Nicki sloppily sucks his cock in reciprocation and lets Billy fuck her tits before getting on all fours and letting him fuck her pussy doggie style. She also takes it missionary style before letting Billy bone her behind doggie and reverse cowgirl style. Finally, Nicki gets down for an enthusiastic facial finish.

This scene leaves plenty to be desired. Nicki looks great and shows some great enthusiasm, but Brett Maverick all but ruins the scene with his incessant yapping at the start of the scene. It was so bad that I couldn't help but get out the remote, and although he seemed to let up on it once the fucking started, I couldn't help but keep fast forwarding sporadically through the scene in fear of hearing his voice again. Nicki Hunter should give Brett Maverick a solid kick in the nuts for ruining her scene like it did.

Scene 4 – Crissy Cums, Chris Cannon, and Talon

Older looking redhead Crissy starts her scene from Anal Cherry Busters out laying back on a bed with her panties pulled to the side playing with herself and talking about taking on two cocks at once. She plays with herself a bit before she's joined by a pair of cocks and goes right to sucking them and letting them skullfuck her. She bends over so Chris can tongue her holes and play with her pussy as she sucks Talon and then lays back to suck Chris while Talon fucks her missionary style. Chris gets in a little doggie pussy fucking before taking Crissy's ass as she lies on her side sucking Talon. The guys continue to work her ass over in reverse cowgirl, pile driver, and doggie as Crissy vocally urges them to fuck her ass and mouth at the same time as well as squeaking like she's trying to communicate with dolphins. Finally the guys pop on her ass as she bends over playing with her pussy.

This scene just didn't do it for me. The camera work is weak with the scene looking dark and amateurish. Crissy's vocal as can be, but is vocal in a way that had me laughing rather than growing a bulge in my pants. This scene might have hit the average mark.

Scene 5 – Melissa Lauren and Chris Charming

Melissa returns to take on Chris in a scene from Flesh Gallery. Melissa, in her black haired phase, starts out on a staircase in some sexy black and red lingerie sucking Chris's cock. He gets down to eat her pussy in return before fucking it from behind and letting Melissa ride it cowgirl style. He goes back to fucking her from behind to work over each of her holes as well as letting Melissa impale her ass on his cock reverse cowgirl style. Finally Melissa gets down and takes a decent load over her pierced tits.

This is a pretty good scene. It's on the artistic side, but the style worked very well for me. Melissa looks great, and as usual, takes the cock up her ass with ease. I love her fetish outfit and the scene moves along at a very nice pace. This is a nice blend of beauty and nastier sex.

Scene 6 – Bailey and Jerry

Bailey's scene comes from Baily, a smoking hot brunette with big fat titties, a killer ass, a bit of ink, and her hair half blonde and half black, starts her scene out in a little cute pink lingerie and panties. She plays with her pussy on all fours before rolling to her back to play with her titties too. After a few moments of pussy play, the scene fades out and then comes back as Bailey appears done playing with herself and Jerry comes in with a hard cock for her to suck. Jerry lets her have a break by eating her pussy, and then goes right back to fucking her mouth as well as her big fat titties. He moves on to spoon her before rolling Bailey to the top for a reverse cowgirl ride and giving it to each of her holes. Bailey turns around for an anal cowgirl ride as well as taking it doggie style. She finishes things up letting Jerry ream her missionary style, and even though she calls for him to cum in her ass he pops from her cunt up to her face.

This is a pretty hot scene. Bailey gets into it nicely, and Jerry seems to love working her over. There's some nice chemistry between them, and although the editing is a bit rough the scene moves along at a nice pace. This isn't a great scene, but it is pretty good.

Scene 7 – Sandra Romain and Marco Banderas

Sandra's scene comes from Ass Pumpers 2. Sandra starts out in a little red bikini and porno pumps playing with herself and talking about anal sex and her first time trying it. She strips down and plays with herself a little more before she's joined by Marco, who greets her with a passionate kiss and hands that wander all over her great body. She works his cock over orally while they talk dirty to each other with Sandra giving him some nice throat action and some eyes. He eats her pussy before fucking it missionary style, and then lets Sandra get up to ride him in the cowgirls. Sandra lets Marco fuck her ass from behind with a couple nice breaks to suck him clean. She also lets him spear her shitpussy missionary style before taking a nice facial finish.

This is a hot scene. Sandra looks great, and puts out some nice energy. The anal action is a little light here, but the entire scene has some very nice passion that keeps it rolling nicely. This is a nicely done anal scene.

The best thing about Assterpiece Theatre is the title, which is nicely fun and makes me wish somebody would have used it for a vignette release rather than this compilation. The action here is all over the board, with girls like Melissa Lauren and Sandra Romain turning out darn hot anal scenes while other scenes, such as both releases from the original Ass Pumpers are painfully bad. Brett Maverick is so annoying and bad in them that I'm actually surprised Adam & Eve wants to remind people that the movie exists. Beyond that, there's some decent care put into the release here. The technical aspects look like they're as good as they would be in the original releases and Adam & Eve puts some very nice effort into the release by letting you know who's in each scene and where it comes from as they begin. Assterpiece Theatre is a pretty average compilation.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery lasts about four and three quarter minutes with about three seconds to pan around each snapshot. This style has always annoyed the heck out of me, and I didn't make it through ten seconds of the photo gallery because of it. Trailers are included for T.I.L.F.: Teachers I'd Like to Fuck, Afrodite Superstar, Fetish Dolls, Slice of Pie, and What Happens in Vegas. There's also a bonus scene, weblinks, and phone sex crap.

Bonus Scene – Alexis Silver and Tee Reel

The bonus scene comes from Indigo Noir. Busty black babe Alexis struts up to a bar Tee's working at and gets a drink before he makes his way around to chat her up. He kisses her neck and tits before reaching down to play with her pussy, and then helps her up onto the bar to lick and finger her pussy. Alexis sucks his cock in return before letting Tee take her from behind. She also lays back in the chair for Tee to fuck her missionary style before finishing things up with an okay facial.

This is an okay scene. Alexis looks great and she has great chemistry with Tee. The problem with the scene is the pace. There's only two positions and yet the scene lasts nearly twenty minutes! I couldn't help but think that this scene would have been a lot better if it was trimmed to around twelve minutes.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, group, lesbian, toys, anal, DP (technical), rimming (male > female), ass to mouth, and titty fucking

Raincoat Factor: Very high

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Adam & Eve's DVDs can be found online for between about $15 and $25 with a few stores offering them near the low end. Aim fairly low here. The sex might be average overall, but there's some poor scenes and none that are really great. The technical aspects are a mixed bag, and although there is a little effort put into the extras, it isn't anything overly great. This comp just barely makes it above the average mark.

Note to Adam & Eve: If you're going to credit somebody for directing a compilation, list the original directors instead of making up a name that makes this look like it might be an original release. Masquerading compilations as original releases will only lose you the trust of viewers.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight