Assman 9 Review

Reviewed by Speelie  on  7/28/2001

Directed by Jean-Yves LeCastel Produced 4/15/1999, released on DVD 2001
Cast: Helen Birne, Jenny, Clarissa, Renata, Brigitta, Vlasta (aka Catherine Count), Petra, Vanessa, Laura Dark, Nicole, Zenza Raggi, Alberto Rey, Robi, Jean-Paul Armand, Yves LePrince, Jean- Yves LeCastel

The cast list is not accurate, since the credits on this particular DVD are especially bad and screwed up. So only certain women will be identified.

LeCastel was in a rut of sorts, so to speak, when this one was shot. The women aren't real good looking, and their enthusiasm is mostly low, and the men are some of the scummiest he has even assembled for his formulaic movies.

Why watch Assman 9? Well, it is good for those who simply want to see a lot of female buns get busted, and Catherine Count fans may want to see one of her early performances. I rented it in particular because I wanted to see Laura (Laura Dark) again.

We begin with Helen Birne, a pretty but plain, busty blonde. She sits down with Yves LePrince and shows him her small vibrator. He claims to have a bigger, much better toy in his pants. She starts to play with his toy, and his friends Alberto Rey and another guy wander in to partake of her goodies. Pretty quickly, out comes the tube of lube and in go the cocks. Then we get the ineviatable DP. Helen has decent energy and enthusiasm, even if she isn't truly having too much fun. She also doesn't gape well, and when her anus is on display, we can't help but notice and odd growth on one edge.

LeCastel pretends to be a tourist taking photographs of Budapest, and he convinces Jenny and Clarissa to pose with the Hungarian parliament building in the background across the Danube. I'm guessing those are their names, sometimes names are repeated in the credits. One is plain, pretty slender blonde, while her partner is a much prettier brunette, also with a tall slender body. I believe she has worked with Christoph Clark on movies such as The Perversion of Barbara. The brunette gets most of the action here, the blonde is very passive and doesn't do much except provide a limp body and give occasional ass to mouth. The brunette thinks LeCastel is crazy when he wants to play with their asses, but she soon is in synch with the scene. She gives ass to mouth when LeCastel pulls out of the blonde, and then herself bends over to get analled. She is pretty both with her ass in the air, and, later, riding LeCastel in reverse cowgirl anal. He is a bit big for her, and she never gets too much in, and we can tell how tight her ass is because LeCastel cums internally and lets some drip out before resuming the fucking. A bit later, he pulls out to let the blonde suck him, and a bunch of water exits the brunette's asshole. She makes some sort of comment about an enema. Finally, LeCastel briefly anals the blonde in missionary, before pulling out to launch a really good load on the brunette's face. He then asks the viewers, "Remember, Beeaaammm!" while making a circle with his fingers. This is odd, since there wasn't any gaping in this scene.

Yves LePrince, Zenza Raggi, and some loser sit around talking about sex. A petite, curvy, cute but trashy redhead comes out to service them. I think she is Renata, but no name appears on the screen. LePrince is in one of his typically goofy moods, and asks her if she wants "Beam" (and he doesn't mean whiskey). She replies that she wants "Big Beam" and sure enough, she gets it. The guys are a bit rough as they poke and prod all her orifices, though she mostly seems to enjoy it. This was ok, but I didn't much care for the scene.

Next we supposedly get Renata with Laura Dark. Zenza Raggi and fat old Jean-Pierre Armand sit in stuffed chairs talking about sex, and the two ladies emerge from behind a curtain give it to them. The blond is plain, and non-descript, while the dark haired, slighly heavier girl is definitely Laura who impressed me greatly in Debauchery 8. This scene was filmed earlier, and Laura doesn't look too good, with short hair and an especially ugly dress. She has great breasts, but these are hardly shown, since she spends most of the time on her knees. Laura doesn't get to show off her humor or sexiness, but credit LeCastel for realizing what he missed, and shooting a much better scene with her in the later movie. The blonde meanwhile, doesn't spend enough time on her kness, since face down-ass up is definitely her best angle. After the usual anals and DPs, the blond takes both loads before she and Laura cumswap.

The following scene opens with covergirl Petra lying in bed, and requesting men. Gradually, one at a time, out from a hallway come Jean-Pierre Armand, then mulleted-loser Robi (I think, I haven't seen the guy before), and finally Yves LePrince. Petra is quite pretty, with dark hair and a long, slender body. She is quite energetic while round-robin sucking the three cocks, but for the rest of the scene is dead wood. Part of the problem is that LeCastel soon enters the scene with Vlasta in tow. She quickly takes over, and Petra can't match her energy and enthusiasm. Vlasta isn't real pretty, but a year later, after growing out her black hair, trimming her eyebrows, and toning her body, she gave star- quality performances with Rocco as Catherine Count in Animal Trainer 4 and Rocco's Way to Love. As Vlasta, with her old look, she is also in The Matador 1 and Debauchery 4.

What didn't change with her looks and name is her attitude. She loves hard, physical sex, and tries to give as good as she gets. Here she quickly is getting analled and DPed, and while sucking off LeCastel, she tries to jam a couple of fingers up his ass. This scares the heck out of him and he jumps away, seemingly offended, which is interesting, because when she tries the same thing with Rocco, he loves it. Vlasta is a moaner, actually a shreiker, and this also scares LeCastel. It has such an effect that at one point he halts the scene, assuring the viewers that, "...she's crazy, we'll try to calm her." At another point, he brags to his American viewers, "If you want to have fun like this, come to Europe!" After a lot of sweaty fucking, the guys all cum. As Vlasta gives post-cum head, she intentionally uses her tetth on LeCastel, and this is another thing that Rocco would enjoy, even though LeCastel makes her stop. One bonus about this scene is that it helps establish that this behavior is Vlasta/Catherine's true personality, she truly enjoys the rough activity she engages in with Rocco.

Finally, we are introduced, supposedly, to "Renata" and "Petra." Whatever their names, the women are two more plain, not too pretty blondes with ok bodies. Yves LePrince, Alberto Rey, and another guy go through the usual motions with them, in a real yawner of a scene.

The photo gallery is only ok, which fits the overall theme here. LeCastel has done much better work in his various series, with much prettier women. Still, the idea behind the Assman series is to see big dicks forcefully pumping the assholes of European girls, with a little goofy humor along the way. In that respect, Assman 9 delivers the expected. If you watch everything LeCastel does, do rent this, but don't put it at the top of your list. And if you want to see a lot of beams, seek elsewhere, these women aren't really gapers.

Comments or questions? Contact me at: Speelie@ my.adultdvdtalk.com