Art Of Sex, The (Damaged) Review

Title: The Art of Sex
Released by: Damaged Productions
Reviewed by MD James

"The Art of Sex" is Damaged Production’s version of a super-spy/vigilante movie. The title is a take on the Wesley Snipes movie "The Art of War", but the sultry star moves and acts like the main character of the TV show "Alias". Tavalia Griffin, the brunette babe wearing the black lingerie and holding the gun on the box cover has that look that has this reviewer comparing her to Jennifer Gardner, but obviously Tavalia’s character does far more than what Ms. Gardner’s character would ever do on TV.

We start out with our sultry star wearing coveralls and washing a nice sports car… We also find out that her name is Nikita… as in "La Femme Nikita"… which is yet another spy movie reference. A couple of girls show up looking for a car, and Nikita is quick to defer them to her manager, who ushers them into his trailer for a little game of "find the keys in the coveralls". Did I say "girls"? They looked more like ladies of the evening. It doesn’t take long to find them, though, especially after they start with a little girl-girl action and then take turns sucking and fucking him.

Meanwhile, Nikita gets some unwelcomed groping from some slimeball who obviously wants something that she doesn’t want to give. While the manager is busy sucking and fucking the girls, the slimeball flashes a knife, then puts it aside so he can better grope her. She grabs the knife and stabs him with it. While the blood spurts from his gut, the manager’s sperm spurts out over the girls. The manager comes out, sees what happened, gives Nikita the keys to his car and tells her to get lost. The two girls also leave with their own car, obviously oblivious to what happened. Strangely, Nikita doesn’t appear to be too traumatized by the fact that she was almost raped and just killed a guy in self-defense.

The murder is investigated by some slimy cop who looks like a refugee from Club 54. (Maybe he just got kicked out of Club 53 ¾?) He quickly writes the whole thing off. He then shows up at a junkyard to pick up two hookers. He fucks both them in the pussy and in the ass, and then jerks off in their mouths. Then he walks naked back into his car, grabs the first hooker’s purse, finds some drugs in her purse, and uses that to frighten the girl away instead of paying her. Yeah, what an officer of the year, huh?

Later, this same cop shows up at a packed nightclub that featured a live band. While the cop has a drink at the bar, Nikita shows up, walks up on stage, and starts cozying up to the lead singer. She pulls him off stage and heads up to the bar. Again, she doesn’t appear to be too traumatized about having to kill someone. The cop sees her, he pulls out his gun and arrests her. He also fires off a few rounds in the air to scare the other people away, including Nikita’s boyfriend. (By the way, it comes of as completely fake, because if a real gun went off there, the crowd would have panicked and stampeded towards the exit. There were just too many people in that club for them to all be paid extras.)

Nikita is then led into an office where two people give her "the recruitment speech". To "absolve" her of her past crimes, including the murder, she now has to work for the police on four assignments and kill the people in those assignments. If she fails in any of those assignments, then she has to solve four more assignments. They give her a cellphone, they introduce her to her supervisor, and then they send her off for training.

So for the next few minutes, we get to see three ladies (including Debra, her "recruiter") move around in fatigues, playing with guns, and scaling down walls. I guess this is supposed to represent the "weeks" of training that she had to go through to become this special "K-agent", but the way it comes out with the hokey music, it looks just as "realistic" as the lifeguard training sequences in the "Boobwatch" series.

Following her training, we see Nikita driving around with a hands-free headset and a shoulder-holstered gun. She pulls off the road, flips open her cellphone, and talks into it to get her first assignment. (Hey, isn’t that what the hands-free setup was supposed to be for?) She’s told to get information on a suspected arms dealer named Mike Jones (although the little computer-animated screen display has him a "Mike Josephs") working in a music store.

She shows up there and pretends to want to know how to play an instrument, but obviously it’s a ploy to cozy up to Mike, who leads her towards the back of the store. Surrounded by cymbals, Nikita shows Mike just how well she can play the meat flute. Then he peels off her shirt, pants, and panties, and proceeds to give her a rim job. (Uh, Mikey, you’re missing the pussy! It’s the OTHER hole.) But then he gets up and fucks her doggie-style for a while as she holds on to a rack of cymbals. (Hey, at least his DICK knows which hole to go into!) She puts on a little striptease to remove her bra, then he goes back to that rimjob, and then some more doggie-style fucking. Finally after a little teasing, he sticks his cock in her ass. He even shows some creativity as he sits down on a stool and holds her up by her thighs and bounces her up and down on his dick. He keeps his dick in her ass as they go into spoon position on the floor, then anal cowgirl, then finally he jerks off, but it’s too late for it to be a facial. The pop shot is also done from a surveillance view (WTF?), I guess to show that she’s being "watched".

With both of them dressed again, Mike leads Nikita to a storeroom and steps out for a minute. Dumb move! The minute he leaves, she starts poking around the boxes. The two boxes she freely opens up have guns in them. (No packing materials, mind you… supposedly LOADED guns just sitting in boxes! Yeah, how realistic is THAT?) She puts one gun in the waistband of her pants. Two seconds later, Mike shows up and sees her poking around the boxes. He tries to strong-arm her, but she whips the gun out and blows his brains out. One down, three to go.

The next guy is "Charlie Wright", a former "IBM expert", hacker, and sex addict. (You mean it’s ILLEGAL just to be a sex addict??? Who’s writing this stuff, Karl Rove?) Charlie’s working away on a computer, eating pizza and typing stuff on the keyboard. He finishes his work, pulls out a CD, and quickly grabs puts his stuff in a duffel bag and races down the stairs. He zooms away on his bike, with Nikita in close pursuit. He gets to his apartment and races up the stairs, only to find another agent waiting for him. He turns around and tries to escape in an elevator (dumb move, dumbass!) only to have the girls waiting for him. He asks for one last wish, which is to fuck the other agent. Nikita watches as he gets his wish. They strip down and fuck right there on the floor of the elevator, but she doesn’t look too interested in it. Finally he jerks off across her ass.

Then its Nikita’s turn. She has him put his pants on, but kept his dick (or at least an unreasonable facsimile) out. She shoots it halfway off, and he falls over dead. (Dead from having his dick blown off? Yeah, right!) Two down, two to go.

We get to see two minutes of her walking around the city before she gets her next assignment. A police informant who has outlived his usefulness needs to be "taken care of". Since it’s his birthday, Nikita is supposed to be his present. And, hey, what do you know? Disco Dud, the asshole cop, shows up to pimp her out to the informant. While the informant is getting his dick sucked and fucked, Disco Dud plays with his gun while sporting his own boner. Pretty soon, he’s getting in on the action. (Typical asshole cop… always taking what isn’t his!) Then, when the informant isn’t getting fucked, Disco Dud puts Nikita on all fours and fucks her in the ass. This eventually leads to a double penetration bit until a phone call forces the cop to settle for a blowjob and facial before heading out. Alone, the informant fucks her in missionary until he blows his load all over her belly and chest. Then Nikita comes back with a gun and a pillow and fires into the pillow. That’s supposedly means the informant is dead, but we see that he’s nowhere near where the pillow and gun are pointed towards.

Three down (?) and one more to go.

Assignment number four is a little rescue job. Save the mayor’s daughter and kill all of the kidnappers. (Hey, wasn’t that the plot to some arcade game?) But before that, we have a little montage of her past kills.

Okay, so there are two key bad guys and one bad girl. Nikita shows up with her special commando squad and they play maneuvers around a junkyard. The bad guys are wearing white wife-beater shirts, and the "good guys" are all wearing black or camouflage clothing. There’s a firefight, and Nikita manages to shoot one in the side (but he still falls dead), then slits the throat of another bad guy.

Meanwhile, the kidnappers show up at another part of the junkyard with their hostage, who dresses and acts like a young Britney Spears. But she certainly doesn’t act too much like a virgin when the three of them start disrobing her. Pretty soon it’s a two-on-two fuck feast, with the bad girl taking it up the ass and then pulling out her gun as her partner blows his load around her face.

Just then Nikita and her commandos show up. The two bad guys get blown away, but the bad girl gets arrested. (I thought that Nikita was told to kill ALL of the kidnappers…)

So that’s it… all four missions are done. Is she done? Well, I’ll let you find out for yourself…

Obviously we’re dealing with a grade-d movie in terms of plot and storyline. The long scenes of our leading lady walking through the streets or going through maneuvers between sex scenes are boring. The English dubbing is okay when it comes to the dialog, but during some of the sex scenes the dubbing gets a little corny. Let’s put it this way, how many guys say "Thar she blows" when climaxing? Some of the dubbing reminds this reviewer of those old Popeye cartoons, and that’s not a good thing.

I suppose the violence is something that goes along with the whole spy/vigilante idea… but they should have put some more thought into it the action. Here’s a hint: shooting someone’s dick doesn’t instantly kill them!

In terms of extras, you have the standard fare of a photo gallery, trailers, a recap of the cumshots, your choice of languages (English and Spanish) and a quick comment about Damaged Productions. The three trailers are lumped in one right after the other, and the cumshot recap is usually when the director switches to "artistic mode" for the sex scenes, which in and of itself is a scene-killer. Not to mention that two seconds into it there’s a dead body. Yeah, that’s really appealing!

All-in-all, if you’re looking for a "good" spy movie along the lines of, say, "La Femme Nikita", then stick to the mainstream stuff. The only thing that this movie is good for is the sex, and Tavalia Griffin at least delivers in those scenes. When she’s not the one getting fucked, though, the action just isn’t as appealing. If you can get this movie for under $10, do so. Otherwise, it’s just not worth paying anything more for it.