Analize This (Lord Perious) Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  12/4/2003

The Little Details

Running Time: 113 min.

Production Date: 12 / 28 / 1999

Director: Blas Medrano

Cast: Ava Vincent, Barrett Moore, Candy Apples, Anastasia Blue, Courtknee, Chris Cannon, Dave Hardman, Erik Everhard, and Alec Metro

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Lord Perious hasn’t impressed me too much. Even with this cast I’m not expecting anything above average.

Initial Reaction: It’s okay, but nothing special.

Who Should Watch It : Fans of anal action

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who wants really nasty anal action or who wants some tease instead of plot

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: Although most of the audio is pretty good, some definitely leaves a bit to be desired. The sex scenes are normally well balanced with only a few minor background noises. The setup sequences, however, are poorly balanced and make it very hard to hear Ava Vincent’s narration. The video is okay, and very comparable to VHS. There’s a little grain, okay lighting, and just struck me as very average.

Music: The music is cheesy, and ranges from being nicely balanced with the rest of the audio to being a little on the loud side.

Disc Complaints: As with every Lord Perious DVD I think I’ve seen, there’s no time stamp. To me this is one of the things that makes a DVD feel professionally done, as it is my understanding that it doesn’t really take any effort of cost to include it. Thankfully there’s plenty of chapter breaks here, but that still isn’t the same thing! The feature is also split over two titles in on the DVD, and as usual when this happens, once you go to the second title you can’t go back unless you go through the main menu or chapter menu. It’s done poorly enough that I penalized the overall DVD a half point.

Menus: The menus aren’t too impressive. The main menu is a still picture while the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene.

The Feature

Ava Vincent is a sex therapist. She acts as the framework of this feature by providing stories for each scene about her patients and their anal sex experiences. The five women in the scenes come from different backgrounds, but all love anal sex.

Scene 1 - Anastasia Blue and Alec Metro

Anastasia Blue starts things out with Alec Metro in B. J. for your B-Day. Anastasia takes Alec into her throat repeatedly as she gives him an extremely sloppy hummer before siding her bald beaver onto his tongue. Alec fucks her before Anastasia tells him she wants to suck his cock again. Since it’s his birthday, she also lets him fuck her ass. Anastasia gives him a bit more cocksucking before finally letting him pop in her mouth.

This is a pretty hot scene! Anastasia and Alec have great chemistry together, and both look like they’re having a lot of fun with it. Yes, it’s kind of cheesy fun with how easily Anastasia takes the anal for her “first time”, but it’s still fun.

Scene 2 - Candy Apples and Dave Hardman

Candy Apples, a bottle blonde who might not look too bad if she hadn’t tattooed her name across her tits so she could remember what name to sign on her checks, and Dave Hardman team up for One Night Stand. Dave starts things out working Candy over with his tongue and fingers down under before letting her mouth his manhood and titty fuck him. Candy lets Dave fuck her pussy in a few positions before sliding him back for a little reverse cowgirl anal action. Candy gets in a little ass to mouth action when Dave fucks her doggie style, and they keep up the anal action until Dave finally strokes himself into Candy’s mouth.

This is an okay scene, and I’m sure if it would have been two people who didn’t immediately bring the “Paper or plastic?” question to my mind I would have enjoyed it a lot more. I’ll readily admit that this was most of my problem with this scene, as they both seemed to be into it pretty good.

Scene 3 - Barrett Moore and Eric Everhard

Barrett Moore and Eric Everhard hook up for Distress Call. Barrett wants a good ass fucking, but her husband thinks playing racquetball is more important, so she calls the police to report somebody breaking in her back door. Erik resists at first, but quickly comes around to Barrett’s point of view. He lets her take his cock into her throat before undressing her and eating her pussy. Barrett starts lubing Eric’s cock up by letting him stab her snatch from behind. She rides him reverse cowgirl style with each of her holes, and even lets Eric pile drive her ass. She takes a few ass to mouths, and looks like she’s going to take a nice facial when the title change happens and cuts off the ending of the scene as Barrett’s stroking Eric to the pop.

Although Barrett and Eric do a good job here, the scene still leaves quite a bit to be desired. There’s a few very noticeable background noises, such as traffic and phones, and the editing is poorly done. There’s one place where you see the same thing repeated from two different angles not even five seconds apart! Worst of all is the pop shot being chopped off for the title change, which really pissed me off (and was the reason that I decided the problem was bad enough to penalize the overall DVD a half point)! Although the action is pretty good, with blunders like that it’s hard to think of this scene as even making it up to average.

Scene 4 - Courtknee and Alec Metro

Courtknee and Alec Metro hook up for Anything She Can Do, I Can Do Better. After talking about how one of Courtknee’s friends will have anal sex but she won’t, Courtknee rises to the challenge to show Alec that she can be better in bed than her friend. Courtknee goes down to suck Alec’s cock before he reciprocates with his tongue and fingers on each of her holes. Alec fucks Courtknee’s pussy in a couple positions before letting her suck her juices off and sliding it into her ass. Courtknee takes it missionary style as well as doggie style, and breaks it up with a bit of ass to mouth action. Finally, Courtknee takes Alec’s ball blast across her tongue and on her face.

This is another okay scene even though Alec and Courtknee get into it nicely. Alec and Courtknee look like they’re having a lot of fun, and give the scene a nice and playful scene. Unfortunately the camera work leaves quite a bit to be desired with some bad camera angles which were held so long I couldn’t help but reach for the remote.

Scene 5 - Ava Vincent and Chris Cannon

Finally, Ava Vincent and Chris Cannon team up for Skin to Skin after a nice little anti-condom comment which started the scene off on the wrong foot for me. Ava drops down to start Chris off gobbling his knob before letting him tongue her twat. He slides a rubber on before fucking her missionary style. Ava slides the condom off after fucking him cowgirl style a little, and slides his not quite hard cock into her ass so that he knows there isn’t any worry of pregnancy. She takes care of him with her ass in both cowgirls before taking a nice facial.

It’s another okay scene. The camera work leaves a little to be desired, but it isn’t nearly as bad as some of the other scenes. Most everything else about the scene struck me as completely average, and it didn’t do much for me one way or the other.

Analize This is completely average porno. There’s the usual setups and they’re followed by the usual sex. Absolutely nothing about it felt original in any way, and it just felt kind of cookie cutter. That’s not to say that Analize This is a bad movie, it’s just so stereotypical that I have a hard time feeling that much for it.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery contains about two dozen okay looking snapshots. Some of them looked to be photo shoot photos, but most of them looked like they were just cropped directly from the movie. There’s also about three and a half minutes of cumshot recaps, phone sex and website commercials, and a continuous play option.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, toe-ing, spanking, anal, ass to mouth, rimming (male > female), and titty fucking

Raincoat Factor: Medium high

Condom Usage: Only for vaginal between Ava Vincent and Chris Cannon

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many Lord Perious DVDs can be found online for between about $4 and $25, with stores pretty much offering them at both ends. At the low end this one would be a pretty good buy. There’s nothing really special about it in any way, from the movie to the transfer to the extras.

Note to Lord Perious: Your movies are okay, but your DVD authoring really holds them back! A little more attention to your technical aspects and a little more care towards your overall authoring would go a long way!

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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