Al Goldstein & Ron Jeremy are Screwed Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  1/14/2004

The Little Details

Running Time: 105 min.

Production Date: 12 / 23 - 24 / 2002 and 1 / 13 / 2003

Director: Ron Jeremy

Cast: Gianna, Jules Jericho, Ericka Stacks, Lisa Sparxxx, Kandi Cox, Kiki Encina, Jay Crew, Michael Andrews, and Al Goldstien and Ron Jeremy

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Something about this scares me.

Initial Reaction: Be afraid, be very afraid!

Who Should Watch It : Extreme Ron Jeremy fans and anybody who wants almost all fresh faces

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting a lot of Al Goldstein or a very well done movie

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The audio varies quite a bit throughout the feature. Some areas are nicely done, while some areas have a bit of background noises and yet others appear to have been so plagued by background noises that the music is the only audio. The video isn’t quite as bad, but it isn’t great either. It has a bit of noticeable grain throughout the feature, and the lighting varies a little throughout the feature as well.

Music: The music is cheesy, but in the fun way. It ranges from being nicely balanced with the rest of the audio, which helps give the feature a fun feeling, and being the only audio, which doesn’t help the scenes at all.

Menus: The menus are pretty standard. The main menu has a minimum amount of animation and the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and a chapter number.

The Feature

Years ago, Al Goldstein and Ron Jeremy owned a used car dealership. When Al left the business, the dealership went belly up (unlike Ron who back then went belly out). Al didn’t really care back then because he had all the money he thought he’d need, apparently not thinking of the number of lawsuits he’d get in over the coming years. Ron, however, needs work, so after begging Al for a job, Al hires him as his pool boy and for doing other odd jobs for him. Wherever Ron goes, however, sex seems to find him, and the girls are always willing to pay him off to not say anything to Al.

Scene 1 - Gianna and Jay Crew

Ron finds big boobed brunette Gianna (I’m guessing here) diddling herself and takes a bit of money to run off before her old guy boyfriend Jay (who looks a lot like the extremely talented cameraman Jake Jacobs) shows up. She quickly goes to work sucking and stroking his mushroom headed cock before letting him eat her shaven pussy and tongue her ass. Jay moves on to spoon Gianna before giving it to her from behind while pulling her hair and finishing things up with a facial that Gianna takes happily.

This is an okay scene at best. Gianna and Jay look to be into things pretty well, but the camera work left quite a bit to be desired. It concentrated on Gianna to the point that I wasn’t sure if Jay was even to be in the scene. It’s not a feeling I like to get, and although there’s a few decent moments in the scene, it rarely made it up to the average level for me.

Scene 2 - Jules Jericho and Jay Crew

Ron stumbles upon Jules (I’m guessing once again) in a bedroom diddling herself before being paid off to leave her alone. Once again Jay shows up to get his knob gobbled before Jules hops up to ride him cowgirl style. Jules lays back to let Jay give it to her missionary style before she gets down and sucks him to a very nice facial.

This is another very average scene. Jules does a great job, and Jay gets into it nicely, but the camera work is very limited. There’s very few shots that show both Jules’ facial expression and the penetration in cowgirl, and once again Jay is barely shown.

Scene 3 - Gianna and Jules Jericho

The girls get it on while Ron pilots Al’s boat to keep them out of trouble. Gianna starts out eating Jules before laying back and letting Jules work on her with her tongue and a vibe. Finally, Gianna eats Jules a little more while fingering her own ass. The scene fades to an end as Jules watches her a little and spits on Gianna’s ass.

This is a dud of a lesbian scene. The camera work is okay here and the girls are into each other okay, but the entire thing is extremely uninspired. It just goes back and forth without feeling like it’s going anywhere, and by the end of it I was glad to have a remote control.

Scene 4 - Ericka Stacks and Ron Jeremy

Buxom bleached blonde Ericka (yes, guessing once again) gets it on with Ron Jeremy on the boat while the girls watch. She sucks his cock to show him how much she’s enjoying his piloting of the boat. Ron eats her out before he fucks her as she lays on the backseat of the boat, giving her as much of his cock as she can take. Ericka handles him much better in cowgirl, and lets Ron go back to missionary before decorating her stomach. Afterwards he fucks her from behind he gives it to her throat and looks like he might have given her a pop in the mouth.

This is an okay scene. Ron and Ericka have pretty good chemistry, and Ericka looks like she’s really enjoying herself. What really made the scene good for me, however, was Gianna and Jules, who were obviously having a lot of fun watching and joking about Ron and Ericka getting it on.

Scene 5 - Lisa Sparxxx and Michael Andrews

Ron lets caption Michael get some fringe benefits from crew One girl goes to work on Michael’s cock while the other two take care of his other needs, but it doesn’t do anything for him after working with them too long. Luckily Ron has buxom blonde Lisa ready to go who gets right to sucking Michael’s cock. She gyrates around like a freshly caught walleye on the bottom of the boat when he returns the oral favors and then gives his pierced cock a little more head. They work through doggie, missionary, and cowgirl before Lisa sucks Michael to a nice pop in her mouth.

This scene is pretty laughable. Lisa goes so overboard that I couldn’t keep a straight face and had a hard time watching with how far my eyes were rolling back in my head. I have to give Lisa credit for being enthusiastic, but it took all believability away from the scene. Michael also didn’t help things by looking like he normally batted for the other team.

Scene 6 - Gianna, Jules Jericho, and Al Goldstein

Al, decked out in a red Screw shirt, sweat shorts, and fuzzy bear slippers, has his girlfriends Gianna and Jules lay on the bed to see if they can get his cock hard in a sex infomercial Ron stumbles across on TV. He eats them and works on them with a toy before Jules starts sucking his stubby cock while Gianna rides his tongue. After the girls work him over a bit, Al finally pops in Jules’ mouth.

Although there’s a bit of humor in this scene, it’s not nearly enough to save the scene. Al shows that there are things worse than seeing Ron Jeremy naked, which scares the bejeezus out of me! The humor’s the only thing going for the scene, and the highlights of the scene are when it pans to Ron watching the scene on TV and making comments that many people have probably made about him. This amused me, but it sure as heck didn’t turn me on.

Although it has a little going for it, it’s not nearly enough to save Screwed. Sexually, Screwed has the dubious honor of being the movie that’s made me happiest to have a remote control in months. The scenes did almost nothing for me, and there wasn’t a single woman in the movie who wouldn’t need a few beers and probably a little whiskey to turn me on. Okay, there was one, but she was part of the foursome who was chased out after two minutes of action. The camera work also seemed extremely limited, and I wanted to see a different angle almost continuously throughout the movie. The only thing that Screwed really has going for it is its sense of humor. Whether you want to see Ron Jeremy with his clothes off or not, most people have to admit that he’s one heck of a funny guy, and that’s what comes across most. I chuckled many times throughout the movie as Ron tried hiding being palm fronds to watch people fuck or just peeped in like the dirty old man that he is. I was also amused by his comments towards Al as they’re comments I’ve heard others make about Ron. It works here and made the movie slightly enjoyable, it’s just that they shouldn’t have been the most enjoyable parts of the movie. Screwed just might leave you feeling that way.

The Extra Stuff

Trailers are included for DirRty, Ho SmASShin’, Blowjob Fantasies 18, and Fetish Whores. There’s also internet information and phone sex crap.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, lesbian, masturbation, voyeurism, rimming (male > female), toys, spanking, group, and titty fucking

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: Every scene with Jay Crew

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Metro’s DVDs can be found online for between $12 and $25 with most stores offering them for around $20. If you absolutely have to see this one, rent it. The sex is disappointing, the technical aspects are below average, and there isn’t anything worth mentioning for extras.

Note to Metro: To start with, please give a cast listing by scene or some other way to recognize the stars. I know it’s great for me because I want to give everybody proper credit, but when somebody watches a movie and is struck by a star and wants to see more of them, it’s really nice to know who they heck that person is!

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight