Absolute Asses Review

Reviewed by ai no corrida  on  8/17/2007

Absolute Asses
An Amateur District Release
Date of Production: 06/18/06
Length: 2hrs 28min.

Starring: Dasani Lezian, Riley Evans, Brianna Beach, McKenzee Miles, Leah Wilde, & Traci Lynn
With: John McGill & Jordan Ashley


Scene One: Dasani Lezian

Our two men (one behind the camera) sneak up to a backyard fence, where they sneak a few leering peeks at her sunbathing in a black g-string bikini. Soon after, she submerges herself into the nearby pool, taking her top off. They enter the backyard, taking every inch of her oiled, tanned and sizzling body. She’s a thick latina woman with small breasts, and her curves go on and on and on! Her features echo a sturdier, real-life version of Avy Lee Roth, with thick, jet black hair. Her pink nails shimmering, our man oils her up a little more, gliding along her curves which burn through the sun like a glistening white light. Phew! Escorting our guy into the pool, he sits on the edge as she floats in, giving him a blowjob above the water. “Dasani loves to lick ass…men’s ass,” she says, fulfilling her third-person promise. Emerging from the water, she straddles her bald beaver on top, plays reverse cowgirl, bounces, ooohs and aaahs. She turns around, and our man grabs hold of her feet as she slams into him in the midday sun. They pry themselves off each other easily, and he continues to fuck her doggy style over a patio chair (every poolboy’s dream, manifested?). He fingers her asshole, and she jerks him off, turned around again. He pops. “Who’s next?” Dasani’s enthusiasm is believable, but still not 100% (too aware of the camera, as does happen with these staged reality types of titles, but we won’t hold that too much against her). Still, she is a wonder just to behold, and here’s hoping that her performances only get better with age.

Scene Two: Riley Evans

Starting off with an interview, seated on a couch is Riley Evans. She’s nearly bleach blonde with ample amounts of natural breast on display. In a white top blue jean shorts, which disappear sooner than they appeared, she shows off her bald pink pussy. The cameraman and his cohort paw at her, continuing until she bends over to pleasure herself a bit. Our man arrives, and we are treated to an overhead, nearly POV style blowjob, in which Riley takes her time building and stuffing as much as she can in her mouth. He fucks her from behind, and she rides cowgirl for a spell, the camera providing enough room to take her whole shifting body in frame. Her moans and cries are bordering on quiet, but she breaks free after a brief run of missionary plunging. Shot from behind the two of them, her ass becomes a delicate white plum, his huge unit pulling and pushing until she reaches her brink. Lifting himself up, he shoots his shot between her bursting tits. While Riley is nearly quiet for the most part, it’s her reluctance to scream that is fascinating. Her little whispers of “fuck that pussy” are barely audible sometimes, as if she’s afraid of being caught (or worse, afraid of orgasm?). Either way, she’s still quite sexy, and can work her gentleman pretty well. If only the setting didn’t seem out of place with the rest of the disc (it seems more part of a gonzo Red Light District series title, being shot indoors with lots of appropriate lighting, in juxtaposition with the outdoor, on-the-fly work & natural lighting of the other scenes).


Scene Three: Brianna Beach

Our men, lounging inside some cabana house probably in Miami, start by discussing the girl cleaning the pool. Short sandy blonde hair, she seems like the actual girl next door, versus the mythologized girl next door: lanky, and unaware of her sexuality. Going out to meet her, she shows reluctance to their camera, but soon removes her bikini top and shorts so she can be properly oiled. Following a little more indoor foreplay, she begins her blowing of our man with the following statement: “Are you gonna keep that camera in my face the whole time?”, quickly followed by “I don’t give a shit – I’m busy.”, as she works the wang (quite vocally). Judging from this exchange, she’s not shy at all, and proceeds to greatly appreciate the reciprocal cunnilingus which she receives quickly thereafter. In missionary, she yells and screams, begging to be “fucked like a nasty bitch”. Ahhh, there it is. He chokes her a tiny bit, and continues to deep dick her, her tiny feet curling into the air. During their cowgirl exercise, she downright slams down on him as she slaps her ass, though her speech is quieted a little from the heavy lifting, I suppose. A bit of reverse cowgirl, onto missionary, and he splatters her face with his prize. Though I can’t give out drama awards anymore, Brianna’s performance was wild, never really veering into over-the-top territory, and was an enjoyable scene overall. Her looks may not appeal to everyone, but her enthusiasm surely will.


Scene Four: McKenzee Miles & Leah Wilde

Oh, my. Trolling on the beach, our crew of two find McKenzee and Leah on the beach, court them for a bit of posing, which they are quick to do, and find that they are not shy in the least. They kiss each other right from the start, and gleefully state that they are “very close” girlfriends. Our guy chases them into the surf for a bit of horsepucky, and then into a nearby pool. “Look at that ass” Leah says, pushing McKenzee’s ass cheeks together as she floats in the pool, “don’t you wanna fuck that ass? Are you guys ready to go upstairs and fuck?” Before you know it, our ladies are led into a hotel room, where the saltwater has rendered their features clean & natural (almost no makeup), and the chlorine has added a touch of definition to their hair (Leah’s short blonde truss is wavy, almost curly) which adds to their beach bum personas. Both the girls have small tits (this was before Leah had fake boobs) and shaved pussies. McKenzee’s brunette mane is nearly a fiery red, to match the heat of the scene, just barely. Leah is clearly the one in control of this friendship, laying McKenzee into the pillows, diving right into her crotch, stripping her of her paisley bikini, and her own black pinstriped suit as well. The two together is akin to seeing your sister’s best friend fuck the meanest girl in school, and who wouldn’t want to see that? Leah narrates the scene, much to our behest, and guides McKenzee through her ravaging. At first with a small vibrator, they take turns tasting one another, as our man enters the situation with Leah servicing him at the head of the bed. McKenzee eats her, they switch off, and she decides to take pity out on the cameraman by blowing him. A dick to themselves, they blow the men, holding each other’s head to help the other, Leah still telling McKenzee exactly what to. That is, when she doesn’t have a face full of cock. They go to work together on our main man, McKenzee working the balls, Leah taking on the bulk of the shaft with her little mouth, her button nose defying her savagery, and her take-control attitude. They switch off riding him, reverse cowgirl and standard cowgirl, while Leah takes every position like a challenge, and manages to make someone with a free mouth or finger get someone else off. They rub pussies together, as each takes a dick from either end of the bed, all the while grinding in unison, moaning and screwing and winding every participant up. It is truly a sight to behold. This continues into straight piledriver missionary, culminating to the two girls, face down with asses in air, get fucked by our man. Heads hanging side by side off the edge of the bed, they take one load, followed by the cameraman’s share of spunk, and it is all over. I can’t say I ever wanted this scene to end, but the amount of time with these girls is quite generous, but you can’t ever have too much of a good thing! These girls are pretty magnificent together, and the scene holds together thanks to their binding, sticky, gooey glue of a “friendship”. Thanks, girls.


Scene Five: Traci Lynn

Beginning on a night’s journey, our guys venture to a gas station, where they run into Traci, an old friend of a friend, in a pink top and jean shorts. Following them back to “the place”, she reveals her pink thong, and our man pulls and teases her. A bottle blonde, she works his joint, leading into some reverse cowgirl for her shaved pussy. Leaning over, she angles herself in just right, and works his dick until she breaks herself a piece for safekeeping. POV shots continue with Traci’s ass in full view, and onto the bulk of the action, which contains copious amounts of missionary pumping. He pops on the lower portion of her face, and all is well in pornoland. Traci doesn’t quite bring the heat up to a full boil, but after the last scene, who could? I’d have to set the dvd on fire first. Programming is one thing, but this scene may have fared better with an earlier placement in the chapter menu. Still, not half bad, and not bad at all.


Bonus Features
A photo gallery. But this is Red Light’s Cheaper line (at most retailers, at least), and the other Amateur District titles bear the same features, so why expect more? The feature is an ample length itself, and the scenes bear witness to the quality of the series, as a whole. Oh well.


How the Disc Looks & Sounds
Audio levels are normal and not too loud, outside audio is very listenable (no drop-outs, pops or hisses), and the disc, overall, is relatively normal looking in its presentation. No goosed levels or grey whites, just a moderate picture; as can be expected of the fake-reality/pseudo-gonzo style. I didn’t have any complaints watching it, and that’s how it should be.

Overall Thoughts
As the title suggests (sort of), this is a showcase of girls with asses. Most of these girls are beach bunnies, or related to the style of beach going (they all wear bikinis?), and do have ample support in their hips to torso ratio (hooray!). I know seeing a title like Absolute Asses and finding no anal to speak of within the box is kind of a misnomer, but for cute, mostly blonde girls with fantastic glutes, you cannot go wrong. Good work.