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Boxcover for Italy's Finest
Italy's Finest 

Release date: 2/4/2003
Reviewed on: 4/3/2004 by yogagrrl

Starring: Marco Altieri
Studio: Erotic Men

Directed by: Edward James
Review brief: Italy's Finest Cast: Riccardo, Bruno Rossi, Marc Lacoma, Marco Altieri, and Alessandro Capua. I'm not certain they're credited in order of appearance, so I'm unable to identify them by scene. Director: Edward James Production date: 4/99 (opening statement); 6/25/01 (box) Length: 62 min. Extras: A ten-minute recap of pop shots at the end, plus a photo gallery with 20 images. Boobie prize: Four minutes of sleazy ads precede the menu. I can scan through at 8x but cannot skip them altogether. These forced ads hawk straight websites and phone sex. Hey, if I wanted to see augmented tits, I wouldn't be watching man porn. I've deducted a half star from the overall rating for this idiocy. Audio/visual quality: The camerawork is generally pleasing and very well focused (e.g., the men's pores are easily visible during the shaving). There's a little too much enhanced motion for my taste, as well as some intercut footage of roses that begins to test my patience.
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Review brief: Even at 62 minutes, this one's waaaaaaaay too long. Six guys are sitting around playing poker. Bored with the game, someone suggests they play strip poker. One of the guys refuses and leaves. Another follows after him. The four remaining guys: Kevin Cobain, Dom Sinclair, Paul Carrigan, and another I don't know lose all their clothing and start having sex. Kevin and Paul pair up; Dom and the other dude do, too. While they are sucking dick, Rick Rogue and another guy see them from outside and they get it on. Then it's back inside for the fucking with Kevin and Dom as the fuckers. Kevin is a nice looker and Paul and Dom are seasoned pros, yet it's hard to imagine more lackluster sex. (Yawn) For the final scene it's the two guys who left the game. I was glad they left. Talk about your anti-climax. The extras include a photo gallery (who cares?) and trailers that are nothing but phone ads for straights. I've seen some pretty bad films in my time.
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Boxcover for Go Fuck Your Self (Erotic Men)
Go Fuck Your Self (Erotic Men) 

Release date: 7/12/2000
Reviewed on: 8/4/2002 by joe-shaver

Starring: Bobby Blake, Bam, Kevin Kemp, J.J., Ted Lowe, Choice Thomas
Studio: Erotic Men

Directed by: Edward James
Review brief: It's really difficult to rate this film as it is a curiousity piece rather than a pud pounder. Auto-fellatio can be titilating and drive me mad with jealousy. But auto-fucking? If it were incoroprated into a traditional fuck scene it might be very exciting, but as an end (pardon the pun) in itself (pardon this pun, too) it doesn't engender much heat. It's not even exciting for the participants. It's just "look what I can do". I didn't find any of the performers a turn-on either. (Maybe they learned to do this out of desperation.) I kept recalling a scene from the novel Goldfinger where Goldfinger is about to castrate Bond with a laser beam. "Go fuck yourself, Goldfinger," our hero shouts to the villain. Goldfinger turns back, smiles coyly and says, "Alas, Mr. Bond, not even I am capable of that." These guys are.
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