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ObiBong's Movie Reviews

Showing 1 - 15 of 15 Reviews
Boxcover for Peter North's P.O.V.
Peter North's P.O.V. 

Release date: 5/29/2004
Reviewed on: 9/27/2004

Starring: Monica Sweetheart, Lilly Thai, Bobbi Eden, Lena Juliett, Marie Luv
Studio: Northstar Associates

Directed by: Craven Moorehead
Review brief: In a word: Mislabeled. The gist: Every company has to have a POV line now, and this is Northstar's. The point-of-view concept comes with its own inherent pluses and minuses: It limits the number of angles available, so the scenes can be pretty repetitive over the course of the disc. But it does eliminate the male performer to the maximum practical extent, which is a selling point for a lot of viewers. The play-by-play: Leading off, we have girly-voiced cutie Lily Thai. She's wearing a big T-shirt and poking around in the fridge, talking about making breakfast. We get a brief display of her smokin' body, as well as her giggly personality. After talking us through the early stages of a POV blowjob on the kitchen floor, she reaches into the fridge for some whipped cream, carefully applying four equally spaced dabs along the top of the dick. She starts by closing her mouth around the one at the tip, goes deeper to get the next one, then the next, but despite a valiant effort she fails to engulf the last one ("I forgot, you're too wide to get down my throat"). Nice try though.
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Boxcover for Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation
Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation 

Release date: 4/21/2004
Reviewed on: 8/2/2004

Starring: Kyle Stone, Sean Michaels, Trevor, Julian St. Jox, Keiko, Capri, Allison Wyte, Dwayne Cummings, Maya Mason, Mary Kate Ashley, Mya Mason, Kate Kaptive
Studio: Hustler

Directed by: Stuart Canterbury
Review brief: In a word: Unsubtle. The gist: I have a soft spot for porn features "ripped from today's headlines." I'm also partial to movies with sports themes, with the immortal "Face Jam" -- Kylie Ireland's true tale of her tryst with Michael Jordan -- being one of my favorites from both genres. You might think that a rape case wouldn't be the ideal subject for light parody, but this is Hustler. They don't back away from anything. The plot: "Tobey Bryan" (Dwayne Cummings) is in a small town for shoulder surgery. L.A. Shakers owner Gary Gus (Kyle Stone) warns him to stay away from the local women. You might be able to guess how that works out. The play-by-play: Kate Kaptive (aka Mary Kate Ashley) sees a limo in the parking lot of the hotel where Tobey is staying, and she's so impressed that she's willing to fuck whoever it belongs to, even Kyle Stone. She gives him head in a sexy blue dress before getting naked to climb aboard for reverse cowgirl. Limo sex doesn't give you a lot of options, I suppose, so we just switch back and forth between genital closeups and a dutched wide shot.
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Boxcover for Misty Beethoven: The Musical
Misty Beethoven: The Musical 

Release date: 5/14/2004
Reviewed on: 7/27/2004

Starring: Asia Carrera, Julie Meadows, Evan Stone, Chloe, Mia Smiles, Chris Cannon, Randy Spears, Mike Horner, Tyce Bune, Sunset Thomas, Dick Nasty, Venus, Dave Cummings, Ava Vincent, Kelly Fire, Lezley Zen, Barrett Blade, Trevor Zen, Michelle Lay, Hamilton Steele, Misty Mason
Studio: VCA

Directed by: Veronica Hart
Review brief: In a word: It's a hummer. The gist: This is a sequel to "The Opening of Misty Beethoven," a Golden Age classic. But this time, director Veronica Hart adds an exclamation point to the title and a half-dozen songs, and we get that rarest of rarities in porn: something original. The plot: As in the 1975 film, it's a "Pygmalion" story -- though in this case I suppose the comparison should be to "My Fair Lady." Randy Spears is a jaded, idle-rich fop who wants to take the lowest, cheapest hooker he can find (Sunset Thomas) and shape her into something greater, just for kicks. In this case, she'll be transformed into a sexy pop-singer phenomenon. Chloe plays his sidekick in a relationship reminiscent of "Dangerous Liaisons" (yes, I'm claiming quite a pedigree for this movie). The project ultimately is a success, but in unexpected ways -- they all finally drop their defenses and learn important lessons about love. Awww. The play-by-play: We open in an alley, with Chloe on her knees blowing Randy while he sings over the opening credits.
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Boxcover for Big Cock Seductions 10
Big Cock Seductions 10 

Release date: 3/16/2004
Reviewed on: 7/14/2004

Starring: Julian, Steve Holmes, Manuel Ferrara, Ashley Blue, Trent Tesoro, Delilah Stone, Brianna Blaze, Jayme Fuckingham, Jamie Brooks, Mr. Biggz, Kylie Rey
Studio: New Sensations

Review brief: In a word: Disjointed. The gist: Cover girl Brianna Blaze is the reason I wanted to see this. She's long gone now, but there are still stray titles of hers to track down. This is just about the most basic porn possible: no chit-chat, not a whole lot of tease, no frills. The play-by-play: Ashley Blue plays with herself on the couch a little bit in a bright purple top and a black thong, but Biggz is on her soon enough. She warms up by trying to fist her mouth before taking on the main event in a wet, slightly gaggy blowjob. The sex starts in doggie and stays there for a long while with a few slight variations. Next is some mish (which starts in an under-shot that focuses on Biggz's balls a bit too much), then reverse cowgirl. After another round of BJ, doggie, and mish, we get a pop that bisects her breasts. Ashley's vocalizing is almost metronomic and comes off a little fake, but she looks good being impaled. 3 stars out of 5. We start with a shot of Steve Holmes looking dapper as usual on the couch, then pull back to reveal Delilah Stone's legs framing the shot.
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Boxcover for Blue Rain
Blue Rain 

Release date: 12/1/2003
Reviewed on: 7/1/2004

Starring: Olivia del Rio, Valentino, Mr. Marcus, Lexington Steele, Vanessa, Simone, Eric Masterson, Domino, Talon, Harley Davis, Kaylani Lei
Studio: Wicked

Directed by: Michael Raven
Review brief: In a word: Hardboiled. The gist: It's the old dirty cop/good cop movie, with a little "Training Day" flavor. Mr. Marcus might not be quite as good as Denzel Washington as the bad cop, but Kaylani Lei is an improvement over Ethan Hawke. Mr. Marcus is running a rogue crew of cops, and Kaylani has been assigned to infiltrate it. Kaylani is grilled by her superiors in a framing device shot in black-and-white, with the movie unfolding in flashbacks. We see Kaylani assimilating herself into the group, getting interested in Marcus, being forced into a climactic confrontation with him, and then dealing with the consequences. If you were wondering what the heck the title means, Kaylani's character is somewhat implausibly named Blue Rain. I wonder if she's related to Taylor, Misty, or Amber? The play-by-play: We start easy, with a blowjob scene. Marcus and a colleague are on a night stakeout in their car. These things can be boring, so Marcus has Domino help keep him awake.
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Boxcover for Bell Bottoms 2
Bell Bottoms 2 

Release date: 4/29/2004
Reviewed on: 6/29/2004

Starring: Monika, Misty, Erik Everhard, Mandingo, Chris Charming, Jada Fire, Jada, Michael Stefano, Kayla Marie, Barbara Summer, George Reno, Teagan Presley
Studio: Platinum X Pictures

Directed by: Brandon Iron
Review brief: In a word: Bootyful. The gist: I must have missed Bell Bottoms 1, but this is a theme I've long thought would be a good idea: great asses nicely packed into jeans. Hooker skirts, fishnets, and naked chicks are fine (mighty fine, really), but I like to see my favorite porn starlets in regular clothes, closer to the way we might see them in real life. We'll see two of the best butts in the biz -- belonging to Kayla Marie and Teagan -- in this one. The play-by-play: I've seen an awful lot of Kayla Marie lately -- it seems as if she's been in every gonzo title I've rented in the last month -- but I'm not tired of her yet. Brandon doesn't cheat us on the tease, so we get plenty of time to ogle Kayla's truly spectacular ass, tightly stuffed into her jeans. Then she pulls them down a bit so we can ogle it as it hangs out of her jeans. It would have been nice to get some of that walking-around footage, too, but I'm not complaining. She comes off as shy, but pretty soon she's on her knees working on Mandingo, which is a lot of work.
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Boxcover for Surfer Girls (Shane's World)
Surfer Girls (Shane's World) 

Release date: 5/18/2004
Reviewed on: 6/24/2004

Starring: Katie Gold, Brittney Skye, Teagan Presley, Nadia Styles
Studio: Shane's World

Review brief: In a word: Sunny. The gist: The usual Shane's World reality-porn formula: Take some porn chicks out to party with civilians, arrange some handjobs/blowjobs, throw in a couple of regular sex scenes with porn guys, add some sports/outdoors activities, shake well. This time they're in Hawaii. The play-by-play: The movie starts with a non-reality scene that depicts Teagan packing for the trip and trading quips with her "boyfriend," an actor (presumably) I don't recognize. We get a lot of cute, bratty personality from Teagan before they decide to give each other a nice sendoff. The foreplay is nice and playful, and the vibe is pretty realistic (i.e. clothes are removed on camera, no acrobatic positions). We get some attractive cowgirl and some mish before he pulls out to pop on the belly. Not a bad scene. After a quick travel montage, the girls waste no time getting the lay of the land and finding some guys who are willing to go back to their bungalow (it's not that tough a sell).
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Boxcover for Possession (Adam & Eve)
Possession (Adam & Eve) 

Release date: 2/10/2004
Reviewed on: 6/11/2004

Starring: Steven St. Croix, Julian, Evan Stone, Olivia del Rio, Cheyne Collins, Joey Ray, Carmen Luvana, Dominica Leoni, Amber Rain, Natalia Wood, Neveah Ashton
Studio: Adam & Eve

Directed by: Nicholas Steele
Review brief: In a word: Dispiriting. The gist: This certainly isn't the dumbest feature I've ever seen. That would probably be "Rawhide," the last Nicholas Steele movie I saw. Why did I come back for more? Because Carmen Luvana is beautiful, and I'm still looking for a movie of hers that I'll like. After five or six tries, sadly, I'm still looking. The good news is, this one is bad in ways that are occasionally hilarious. The plot: It's sort of a "Heaven Can Wait" device. Carmen is doing research on paranormal activity at a cemetery. A ghostly Steven St. Croix shows her how she can relive the fondest memories of the dearly departed from other eras. Luckily for us, they think about fucking a lot. They don't call it a boneyard for nothing (rim shot). The play-by-play: We start with Nevaeh Ashton and Cheyne Collins at a picnic at the turn of the century, with appropriate costumes. Wow, the dialogue is insufferably bad, even by porn standards, and Cheyne is trying out some horrible goofball accent. They pour some tea, and ... my god, they're using tea bags.
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Boxcover for Way You Kiss Me, The
Way You Kiss Me, The 

Release date: 1/23/2004
Reviewed on: 6/1/2004

Starring: Steven St. Croix, Julie Meadows, Julia Ann, Mike Horner, Eric Masterson, Voodoo, Nicole Sheridan, Kurt Lockwood, Bella Starr, Angela Davies, Sasha Monet
Studio: Wicked

Directed by: Michael Raven
Review brief: In a word: Talky. The gist: This is the kind of movie that contains this kind of line: "How can you look into my eyes and not see how much I burn for you? Forever is in our kiss." While many will still need to hear more before deciding whether this is the movie for them, I think a lot of people will now know that it's time to forget about it. The plot: There's not so much a plot as a central device that ties the scenes together -- a lonelyhearts talk show that's playing on the radio in a bar. The scenes either come from calls to the show or from people at the bar, or both. The play-by-play: It wouldn't be a Wicked feature without Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo, and they start us off as an unhappy wife and the guy she cheats with. He delivered the cheesy line above -- which he said with some kind of half-assed Euro/French accent, perhaps to help make him feel a little less ridiculous -- when they met at the bar. By the time they're back at home, he's completely lost the accent. Fire the continuity editor. The sex is nice, though, with Nicole her usual vocal self.
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Boxcover for How To Get More Pussy 2
How To Get More Pussy 2 

Release date: 4/2/2004
Reviewed on: 5/25/2004

Starring: Rodney Moore, Amee Donavan, Claire James
Studio: Rodnievision

Directed by: Rodney Moore
Review brief: In a word: Goofy. The gist: The usual Rodney Moore shenanigans, but arranged in a different way. It has the concept of an interactive DVD, but it stops well short of implementing any interactivity. For each of the three ladies, there's an intro in which we see her out in public somewhere. The screen becomes a menu with four pick-up lines to choose from. But it doesn't branch. After you choose a line, Rodney speaks it and she reacts -- and then you go right back to the menu. I guess that way you can see what happens with all four lines before you move on. Two will be successful, and two will end with a brush-off and an old-fashioned "Boing!" sound effect. You never progress out of the menu, you just have to select your way back to the main menu and try "Get Advice from ..." to move on to an interview segment. Here the woman chats with Rodney about pick-up lines and dating and such. When it's over, you can go on to the usual Rodney-style sex scenes.
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Boxcover for Night Stick (Vivid Straight)
Night Stick (Vivid Straight) 

Release date: 5/6/2004
Reviewed on: 5/23/2004

Starring: Bobby Vitale, Roxanne Hall, Malitia, Eric Masterson, Militia, Kody, Briana Banks, Steven French, Sonny Stilleto
Studio: Vivid

Directed by: Tommy Ganz
Review brief: In a word: Forgettable. What was I thinking when I decided to see this? I remember Desert Rose fondly, so I thought I'd see what Kody (her nom de Vivid) has been up to. She's lightened her hair, but she's still quite a cutie. I wish I could erase the rest of this picture from my memory. The plot: It's an amnesia movie, I guess. But usually the person who wakes up wondering, "Who am I? Where am I?" shows some interest in finding out the answers. Here, Kody just decides to roll with the guy she wakes up next to (who claims to be her husband), hits the road with him and then falls asleep and has a couple of dreams. In the end, we find out some surprising truths, many of which make no sense at all in relation to what has gone before. The real villain of the movie, sadly, is the surgeon responsible for poor Kody's implants. A true monster. The play-by-play: Kody wakes up next to Eric Masterson, who is handcuffed to the night table. She doesn't remember who he is, and the handcuffs make her suspicious, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to fuck him.
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Boxcover for Improper Conduct
Improper Conduct 

Release date: 10/17/2003
Reviewed on: 5/19/2004

Starring: Asia Carrera, Steven St. Croix, Evan Stone, Scott Styles, jessica drake, Bridgette Kerkove, Devinn Lane, Aria
Studio: Wicked

Directed by: Brad Armstrong
Review brief: In a word: Classy. The gist: A tip-top example of Wicked's best work across the board: concept, writing, sex, all of it. Bonus -- this is Devinn Lane's first feature movie with b/g action. The plot: Steven St. Croix is an imperious conductor and composer for a chamber orchestra. He plays manipulative power/sex games with Lane, the new cellist. His commitment to his art has left him impotent, so he must orchestrate the passion of his subordinates for inspiration. Yes, by the end Devinn has become the cure for impotence. Works for me. The play-by-play: St. Croix has some make-up sex with Asia Carrera in what turns out to be a dream sequence. The scene is lit with a golden glow... maybe too much, but Asia's skin does look nice and creamy. She leaves her black thigh-highs on throughout. Next, probably the high point of the movie. St. Croix offers Lane a ride in his limo, then picks up a hooker, Bridgette Kerkove.
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Boxcover for Heart Breaker (Vivid)
Heart Breaker (Vivid) 

Release date: 5/8/2003
Reviewed on: 5/18/2004

Starring: Michael J. Cox, Rebecca Bardoux, Evan Stone, Sharon Kane, Kelsey, Mike Horner, Dale Dabone, Ava Vincent, Nikkie Love, Briana Banks
Studio: Vivid

Directed by: Paul Thomas
Review brief: In a word: Vintage. The gist: It's sort of a love hexagon story, with all sorts of different permutations of the relationships between two families. But the most important thing for a viewer to know is that this is a movie with a heavy emphasis on older women. If you're a barely-legal fetishist, stay the hell away. If you like the idea of experienced ladies such as Sharon Kane and Rebecca Bardoux taking center stage in a plot-heavy film, this is your flick. There aren't many others like it. Plot synopsis: Mike Horner and Sharon Kane own an underwear factory, and Michael J. Cox is their heir. Cox is in love with Ava Vincent, who lives in a trailer with her mom, Rebecca Bardoux, a woman of questionable morals who has a past with Horner. Kane doesn't approve of Vincent because of that past, and because of Vincent's lesser socioeconomic status. Horner seems paternally fond of Vincent, but Kane is dominant in their relationship, and he meekly accedes to her views.
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Boxcover for Who Wants To Marry Me?
Who Wants To Marry Me? 

Release date: 4/21/2004
Reviewed on: 5/18/2004

Starring: Evan Stone, Rick Masters, Gina Ryder, Jay Ashley, Felix Vicious, Brianna Blaze, Nina Bonet, Vicky Vette
Studio: VCA

Directed by: Fred J. Lincoln
Review brief: In a word: Cheesy. The gist: But it's about a reality dating show, so of course it's cheesy. And Evan Stone is around to provide the ham. The plot doesn't work too hard, just quickly setting up the "dates", i.e. sex scenes. I wanted to see this because it's full of women I love, and I'd never seen Brianna Blaze or Vicky Vette in a feature. Well, now I have. That's about all I can say. The play-by-play: We open with Gina Ryder auditioning for producer Evan Stone. We all know there's only one way this can go, and we're not disappointed. No, wait, predictability is disappointing. Oh well, at least it's Gina Ryder, possibly my favorite face and smile in the business. The lighting is bright and a little harsh. And for the opening BJ, the closeups are a little too close, focusing on lips and cock, and cutting out too much of the rest of Gina. And ... oh, no. There it is, that horrible, frustrating camera angle from behind her ear, at the five o'clock position. Great, my favorite twinkling eyes to look at during a blowjob, and we can't see them.
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Boxcover for Tricks
Tricks 

Release date: 10/10/2003
Reviewed on: 5/17/2004

Starring: Bobby Vitale, Eric Masterson, Cheyne Collins, Ava Vincent, Briana Banks, Sunrise Adams
Studio: Vivid

Directed by: David Stanley
Review brief: In a word: Slight. The gist: Eric Masterson acquires a pair of Ava Vincent's panties from the laundry room of the building where they both live. He has a spell book that allows him to manipulate her pussy from afar via the panties, in a sort of voodoo-doll manner. This trick also ends up being used against him and Briana Banks. The play-by-play: The movie opens with Vincent accidentally leaving her panties for Masterson to find. There's nothing like doing some laundry to get a gal horny, so when she gets upstairs, she and Cheyne Collins get at it. I love Ava Vincent. She has a very expressive face during sex, and director David Stanley is wise to focus on it. Her scenes are light on gyrations and visually striking positions -- just a little spoon, a little mish, and some might even accuse her of just lying there -- but I like it. She still conveys a satisfaction and pleasure in the sex that I don't get from the contortions or yowling of other performers.
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