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Darkmage's Movie Reviews

Showing 1 - 25 of 33 Reviews   Page: Movies Per Page: 25    Sort: 
Boxcover for Godfather's Daughter, The
Godfather's Daughter, The 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/10/2002

Starring: Steve Drake, Yves Baillat, Emanulle Christaldi, Stephan Kramer, Maurizia Pardiso, Julia Sow
Studio: Gen XXX

Directed by: Silvio Bandinelli
Review brief: The Plot: I'm not really sure what this movie was about. I suppose it doesn't really matter. As far as I can tell, it involves a young lady visiting her relatives in Sicily and how they (horrors!) turn out to be mobsters. Wow, who would have thought? Well, now that she is among the wolves, we watch various people have sex in between meetings where people talk about shipments we never see. Each meeting is either preceded by or followed by "You don't need to know, this is man-business." It is so nice to know that misogyny is alive and well in organized crime circles. In the end, our heroine is kidnapped so a rival Mafia family can get some leverage. Naturally, all hostages must be seduced thoroughly. In the end, the bad guys meet their fate at the hands of Mr. 9mm and everyone lives happily ever after. Well, I suppose the bad guy doesn't live happily ever after, but nobody really cares about him. The Cast: For those of you who follow the flesh, you'll be pleased to know that there are some very lovely ladies in this film.
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Boxcover for Taboo 3 (Standard Digital)
Taboo 3 (Standard Digital) 

Release date: 8/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/25/2001

Starring: Kay Parker, Lisa Lake, Jerry Butler, Kimberly Wong, Pamela Ann, Colleen Brenan, Honey Wilder
Studio: Standard Digital

Review brief: The Plot: For those of you who aren't older than dirt like myself, the Taboo series wasn't always a mildly interesting piece of porn which had little plot and the most "taboo" thing they do is have a double penetration with hot wax while staring at pictures of chickens. No, back in the old days, the Taboo series dealt with real taboo subjects. Promiscuity. Betrayal. Bell bottoms. For those of you just joining us, Taboo I dealt with Paul, a young teenager who suspiciously looked to be about 30 or so, who ended up sleeping with his mother. Taboo II featured "Junior", a friend of Paul's who ended up sleeping with his sister and his mother (but not together). Taboo III starts with Paul leaving the house because he just can't take the situation any more, leaving Mom (Barbara) and his younger brother Jimmy to work things out. Jimmy and his friend Bryan are attempting to manage a band into stardom.
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Boxcover for Night Nurses (Vivid Wave)
Night Nurses (Vivid Wave) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 1/2/2001

Starring: Asia Carrera, T.T. Boy, Sindee Coxx, Brittany Andrews, Steven St. Croix, Debi Diamond, Nina Hartley, Jon Dough
Studio: Vivid Wave

Directed by: Toni English
Review brief: The Plot: Once upon a time, there was a student nursing program at a hospital. These student nurses were paid a small salary to help them pay their way through school and incidentally gain some experience in their chosen profession. But all is not well in the kingdom of chemical smells and scary people in white coats that keep wanting me to put on that jacket with the long sleeves that is just too tight... It appears that the nurses have been handing out some rather unusual physical therapy treatments to the patients. "Unusual?" I hear you ask, "What do you mean, unusual?" It's a porn movie, take a wild guess. In fact, after the morning rejuvenating treatment on a very happy patient, our hero Andrea (Nina Hartley) gets called into her supervisor's office (Jon Dough) where she gets the bad news: The hospital is cutting the budget, and specifically her student nursing program. Naturally, since Andrea's job is the student nursing program, she is out the door when the program ends as well.
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Boxcover for Pirate Video Deluxe 6: Double Confusion
Pirate Video Deluxe 6: Double Confusion 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 11/25/2000

Starring: Niki Blond, Nicole Thompson, Katalin, Vanessa Freeman, Caroline Cage, Harmony Grant, Dru Barrymore
Studio: Private

Directed by: Frank Thring
Review brief: The Plot: Wow! Just think of the possibilities behind not just Confusion, but Double Confusion! Think of the possible outcomes of mistaking a mainstream actress for a porn actress! Think of the fun watching people mistake a porn actress for a mainstream actress! Think of the potential! Think how much fun Double Confusion is going to be! Now think again. This plot sucks elephant hemorrhoids. We start with our "mainstream" actress being invited to the Cannes Film Festival. The same guy who invites her to the festival also invites a porn star that specializes in master/slave porn movies. As you can guess, the guy who is supposed to pick up the porn star at the airport picks up the wrong one. Hey, I can fully sympathize.
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Boxcover for Double Feature!
Double Feature! 

Release date: 6/30/2000
Reviewed on: 10/31/2000

Starring: Ian Daniels, Sana Fey, Serenity, Ursula Moore, Randy Spears, Shanna McCullough, Kary Evers, Stephanie Swift, Mickey G., Jewel De'Nyle, Herschel Savage
Studio: Wicked

Directed by: Jonathan Morgan
Review brief: What do you get when you mix Godzilla with Bodzilla ? How about Frankenstein with FrankenHooker? Attack of the Killer Tomatoes with Assault of the Killer Bimbos? If you are really really lucky, you get something close to Double Feature!, Jonathan Morgan's masterpiece of campy horror, alien invaders and well-endowed monsters (If you are unlucky, you get crap starring Matthew Broderick and a CGI lizard). The Plot: Oh, how I love porn with a plot! Stupid plot, dumb plot, fun plot, I don't care. Just give me something that shows that our intrepid cast members have more talent than an inflatable doll. Stupid plot, dumb plot, fun plot, Double Feature! gives you all that and more. You see, there is a reason it is called Double Feature! as in there are no less than two separate (kind of) movies on this disc.
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Boxcover for Thai Me Up
Thai Me Up 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 10/18/2000

Starring: Asia Carrera, Tom Byron, Julian, Brooke Ashley, Marc Wallice, Jonathan Morgan, Anna, Jessica James, Kimi Ji, Flora, Gail
Studio: Metro

Directed by: Jace Rocker
Review brief: Okay, picture this in your mind: You are a porn director. You have until noon tomorrow to come up with the script you will be using to shoot your next film. It is now 10 PM. You haven't started writing yet, but you have finished your third can of Jolt cola. As a last-ditch effort to inspire the creative juices, you bring out the big guns: You make a pot of coffee strong enough to bench press a Doberman and use it to wash down a couple Vivarin. Your fingers vibrating at roughly two times the speed of sound, you manage to watch Ace Ventura: Pet Detective with your finger firmly on the fast forward button. And you are so wired that you understand every word in the zip-squeal of sound coming from your protesting speakers. Having done your research, you begin to write... This humble scenario must have been the inspiration behind the plot for Thai Me Up.
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Boxcover for Dream Quest
Dream Quest 

Release date: 6/18/2000
Reviewed on: 9/28/2000

Starring: Asia Carrera, Felecia, Inari Vachs, Temptress, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Johnni Black, Brad Armstrong, Stephanie Swift, Teri Starr, Alexa, Jenna Jameson, Amber Michaels, Devin Wolf, Anthony Crane, jessica drake, Herschel Savage
Studio: Wicked

Review brief: The Plot: Wow, can life get any more rough than what Steve (Devin Wolf) has to go through? Check this out: here you are, sitting in classic convertible at a drive-in movie next to your date, Sarah (Jenna Jameson!) There is a guy in the next car getting a blowjob and Sarah is more interesting in eating popcorn than fooling around with you! Oh, the humanity! Sarah convinces Steve to take her home, whereupon she sits on her bed and bemoans the fact that romance is gone, fantasy is dying and there just aren't any good stories left anymore. Well, faster than you can say "Porn Fairy", two slender and winged members of the fairer sex pop through her mirror and ask for her help. You see, fantasy is dying, and the two fairies, Spring and Autumn (Stephanie Swift and Felecia), have located their savior in Sarah (apparently having used some mystical mental power roughly equivalent to that which causes women to go the bathroom in groups of thirty).
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Boxcover for Flashpoint (Wicked)
Flashpoint (Wicked) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 9/25/2000

Starring: Asia Carrera, Jill Kelly, T.T. Boy, Sindee Coxx, Brittany Andrews, Missy, Eric Price, Johnni Black, Mike Horner, Brad Armstrong, Steve Drake, Jonathan Morgan, Mickey G., Jenna Jameson, Veronica Hart, Sydnee Steele
Studio: Wicked

Directed by: Brad Armstrong
Review brief: Once in a long while we get a movie like Flashpoint. In fact, the last time we got a movie like Flashpoint, it was called Backdraft and it only had one sex scene on top of a fire engine. (All movies about fire fighters need a sex scene on a fire engine) Someone decided that what the adult industry needed was a movie with the plot quality of Backdraft and the sexual heat of Conquest. Lo and behold, Flashpoint is created upon the forge of horny Jenna fans everywhere! The Plot:Most porn movies start with a sex scene inside of two minutes. The theory is that you want to grab the audience's dick and get its attention. This actually works. Trust me, if you grab anyone's dick you have their complete attention. However, this movie starts with a group of firefighters responding to automobile accident. As they work to extract the crash victim, the damaged engine catches on fire and the car explodes, killing both the accident victim and one of the firefighters. During the funeral, Jenna is interrupted by one of her coworkers (Lt.
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Boxcover for Conquest (Digital Playground)
Conquest (Digital Playground) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 9/25/2000

Starring: Asia Carrera, Tom Byron, Vince Voyeur, Missy, Kia, Alex Sanders, Mark Davis, Juli Ashton, Shayla LaVeaux, Sahara Sands, Brad Armstrong, Julie Rage, Claudio, Jenna Jameson, Alex Dane, Sean Rider
Studio: Digital Playground

Directed by: Greg Steele, Brad Armstrong
Review brief: The Plot: Yep, not every great movie makes a whole hell of a lot of sense. Conquest is a good example. Our lovely tale of lust and torn bodices starts with a hanging. John "Dutch" is about to die for his crimes as a pirate. Sentenced to hang by his neck until dead (Does anyone just hang by the neck until uncomfortable?), John is rescued at the last second by his Captain, his fellow crewmen and the timely intervention of a chick with big tits. Naturally, no good deed goes unpunished, and we are treated to watching the crown prince (hilariously overplayed to perfection by somebody who deserved more credit) rant & rave about "Blackheart", our hero. Speaking of our hero, he and his crew are resting in the Batcave before setting sail. Captain Steubing receives a navigation chart and instructions to meet up with the rest of his crew at an uncharted island. Instead of thwacking the guy over the head for giving him a chart and instructions for an uncharted island, he wanders off to brood over the loss of his family.
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Boxcover for Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex
Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex 

Release date: 8/7/2000
Reviewed on: 8/26/2000

Starring: John Decker, Anna Malle, Nina Hartley, Hank Armstrong
Studio: Adam & Eve

Review brief: The Plot: There really isn't a plot, per se, to this disc. Think of it more like a CBT (Computer- Based Training) for anal play. I can see this up on your bookshelf in your office next to the other CBTs. Networking, Systems Design, Anal Sex, Distributed Development. Yep, it just fits right in there, doesn't it? And that, after all, is what we're talking about today. Nina whips out the lecture mode and teaches us everything you ever wanted to know about playing with your ass in four easy chapters. The first chapter is anatomy, and she describes where everything is, how it is shaped, what is sensitive, etc. in exquisite detail. If she wasn't a teacher before the adult business, she should have been. She's an excellent lecturer. She doesn't stumble over her words, she doesn't sound condescending, she enunciates well... I wish she had been teaching some of my classes in college. I would have done much better if I'd been watching her instead of the grad student I got saddled with for differential equations.
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Boxcover for Sex Show
Sex Show 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 8/20/2000

Starring: Steven St. Croix, Vince Voyeur, Christy Canyon, Krista Maze, Jenteal, Tony Tedeschi, Tracy Love, Kitty Monroe
Studio: Vivid

Directed by: Paul Thomas
Review brief: The Plot: Okay, I have to hand it to Vivid. Rarely, if ever, do they produce a movie that doesn't have a plot. Or at least a semblance of a plot. Okay, maybe a hint of a plot. True, the plot's don't always make sense, but you at least get some motivation behind why Actress A is working her way through Actors B, C, D and the sheep in the corner. Our plot today revolves around a fictitious show similar to Late Night with Old Comedian that you may watch yourself. We start with Steven St. Croix, playing himself, having a lot of fun with Alexa, a waitress he picked up in a bar. After having very intimate relations, Stevie discovers that the new-age bit of fluff that he brought home last night has been talking to her crystals too long. See, she and Steven have only just met last night... in this life. Ah, their souls are immortal and they have been meant for each other since time began. And if Steven doesn't like that arrangement, she'll just have to kill him and wait until the next time they meet up again. Okay.
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Boxcover for Homey In The Haystack
Homey In The Haystack 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 8/14/2000

Studio: Horizon

Review brief: The Plot: Have you ever watched a mainstream movie and thought, "Wow. This would be soooo much better if that Dorothy chick would drop the dress and get it on with all those midgets?" Yeah, me too. Well, to take a step further, have you ever watched Witness and thought that there was an awful lot of potential being wasted under that black clothing and strict discipline? Well, wonder no more! Homey in the Haystack will show you what you wanted to see in the theaters! Tyce Bune plays Joey "The Hacksaw" Lagata, a big-shot drug dealer who starts our movie off by getting busy with his girlfriend (Delia). Before things get too intense, Marvin Hayes (Byron Long) wanders in and gets his marching orders from his boss. He does not get a blow job, despite Troy's offer of his girlfriend's services. He is to deliver a package of drugs to a man downstairs. Well, he gets caught by the police and in a desperate attempt to save his own skin, he rats out his boss. The police arrest them all, and Joey swears to kill Melvin before he can testify.
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Boxcover for Texas Dildo Masquerade
Texas Dildo Masquerade 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 7/30/2000

Starring: Steve Hatcher, Dave Hardman, Kyle Stone, Mila, Rod Fontana, Candy Apples, Tabitha Stevens, Ron Jeremy, Jonathan Morgan, Gina Rome, Randy Storm, Sweety Pie
Studio: Heatwave

Directed by: Jim Powers
Review brief: Never let it be said that I don't go the whole nine yards to give you, the discerning porn connoissier, the very best in adult DVD reviews. I work hard at giving you the most thorough, accurate and humorous reviews that I can. Sometimes, I have to make sacrifices in order to give you the best review in exchange for the time it takes to read them. In the case of today's DVD, the Texas Dildo Masquerade, I went out and rented the movie that inspired this tale of lost teenagers in a wilderness of terror. Yes, I actually watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in order to catch any reference that the director may throw at you. I suspect that the director is a fan of the original horror movie and he wanted to show, in his own way, that he enjoyed the cult classic and pay homage to the archetype of the slasher films. He failed. The Plot: Okay, check this out. Four impressionable "youths" are driving through the countryside to check on the gravesite of one of their number's grandfather.
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Boxcover for Sorority Sex Kittens 3
Sorority Sex Kittens 3 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 7/19/2000

Starring: Jill Kelly, Nick East, Tricia Devereaux, T.T. Boy, Sindee Coxx, Steve Hatcher, Misty Rain, Missy, Mickey Lynn, Krista Maze, Nico Treasures, Caressa Savage, Stacy Valentine, Kylie Ireland, Tiffany Mynx, Serenity, Mark Davis, Christi Lake, Juli Ashton, Shayla LaVeaux, Sahara Sands, Ashlyn Gere, Victoria Paris, Julie Rage, Nina Hartley, Morgan Fairlane, Houston, Alek Dane, Deva Station, Brittany O'Connell, Sinderella, Paisley Hunter, Brianna Lee, Dalny Marga
Studio: VCA

Directed by: Jim Holliday
Review brief: The Plot: As you can tell from the title, this is part three of a series. I really wish I'd seen the first two. I might know a bit more where these people were coming from. I dropped this happy disk into my DVD player, expecting a fairly brainless ho-hum, low budget porn flick. I should have paid more attention. Two clues went right by me until I watched the opening credits. Clue number one: This is VCA putting out this DVD, so they have the talent. Clue number two: Executive producer is Antonio Passolini. Aha! As far as I can gather, the Upsilon Sigma Sorority has apparently been using voodoo rituals to kidnap fraternity guys to use them for breeding purposes. The girls stay young and fresh through depraved rituals, and use the guys for stud service whenever they feel the need or want children. I don't really see the problem, but I suppose the guys don't like being kept around and screwed silly every now and then. Whatever. Anyhow, our movie starts with the capture of the latest recruit for stud service.
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Boxcover for Diva X: Kaoru (Pixis)
Diva X: Kaoru (Pixis) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 7/5/2000

Starring: Kaoru
Studio: Pixis

Review brief: The Plot: Nope. Nada. Nothing. Not only is there no plot, there is no dialogue. Do you know how badly this ticks me off? Geeze, people. At least say "hello" or something! Where I come from, it is considered polite to introduce yourself before licking their nipple. The Cast: As the title implies, Kaoru is the leading lady on this disk. She's actually quite cute. She wears the same outfit throughout the DVD, mainly a pair of orange latex shorts and a tank top. She looks very young with a tight body and pretty nice breasts. Whether or not they're real... I dunno. I don't really care, either. After watching her have sex, I'd rather screw a sheep. At least the sheep will try and squirm away. :-) The one guy she has sex with has some really nice hair on him. He's hung pretty well, and he certainly seems to have her complete attention. I have no idea what his name is.
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Boxcover for Country Comfort (Vivid)
Country Comfort (Vivid) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 6/28/2000

Starring: Bobby Vitale, Julian, Raquel Devine, Phyllisha Anne, Halli Aston, Devon, Gwen Summers, Herschel Savage
Studio: Vivid

Review brief: The Plot: One fine spring day many years ago in the countryside of well, I dont know where the hell this takes place. I suppose it doesnt matter. Anyhow, John (our hero) is walking through the woods one day and comes across a young couple without being seen. Like most young couples in porn movies, theyre just starting to get naked in time for us to catch the full effect of them scromping away on the forest floor. The young couple continue with their lovemaking while John spies on them from the bushes. Lo and behold, the woman is aware of Johns presence! Naturally, she does what any young woman does when caught in the act of illicit lovemaking by some stranger she gives him sensuous looks while she continues to screw her partner. (Okay, this goes completely contrary to my experience. Usually when people know Im watching, they scream and get their clothes on. It must be something in the water at the porn movie sets.
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Boxcover for Plaything (Vivid Wave)
Plaything (Vivid Wave) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 6/18/2000

Starring: Patricia Kennedy, Tom Byron, Nikki Tyler, Tony Tedeschi, Joey Silvera, Nina Hartley, Jessica James
Studio: Vivid Wave

Directed by: Ernest Greene
Review brief: After youve watched enough X-rated DVDs, you start to notice little clues about them that can tell you whether or not this particular disc has a future in your permanent collection, or if it is going to be used to prop up that pesky table that wobbles. There are some warning signs that are usually a good indicator of whether or not to avoid the disc. A large warning sign is if there is no description of the DVD on the box. Another warning sign of a bad porn movie is if there is no list of the performers on the box, either. That in mind, consider that Vivids DVD of Plaything has nothing on the box except a couple of pretty pictures and a list of the special features. Sound ominous? It is. But read on, intrepid porn fans. Find out if Plaything is worth playing with. The Plot: Who watches the watchmen? Or, in a modern bent on a classic situation, we join Paula (Nikki Tyler), a sexual relationship counselor who has been having relationship troubles.
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Boxcover for Sweet Revenge (Vivid Wave)
Sweet Revenge (Vivid Wave) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 6/1/2000

Starring: Bobby Vitale, Kaitlyn Ashley, Steven St. Croix, Melissa Hill, Sahara Sands, Mia Ciccero, Madelyn Knight
Studio: Vivid Wave

Directed by: Toni English
Review brief: The Plot: One thing you can always count on with Vivid, youre going to have a plot. So what if Sweet Revenge isnt exactly an original name for a film? Who cares if the jilted girlfriend gets even plot theme has been done before? Who cares if the set-up for the sex scenes is about as original as the backbeat in a Vanilla Ice song? Okay, I do. But Im weird. I actually like some plot in my porn. I also like vinegar on my french fries. Cope. Our story begins with Michael and Lorna (Steven St. Croix and Mia Ciccero) having sex. Wow, what an original way to start a porn movie. Anyhow, after making the beast with two backs (and four legs, two hands and a face biting the pillow), the phone rings. What is this? Could our intrepid male lead be cheating on his girlfriend? Could that be her on the phone, inquiring of her friend for the whereabouts of her boyfriend? Noooooooo That would be too obvious! The phone caller is indeed Michaels girlfriend Jenny (Melissa Hill) on the phone, wondering where her boyfriend is at such a late hour.
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Boxcover for Video Virgins Gold 2
Video Virgins Gold 2 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 5/22/2000

Starring: Taylor St. Clair, Victoria, Vanity, Jewel De'Nyle, Mimi Starr
Studio: Digital Sin

Review brief: The Plot: Once again the Porn Fairy has delivered unto me a disc with no plot. There is a routine, or a procedure, but no plot. Basically, this disc is the best type of extra that you could wish for: We start with an interview of a porn star, and then they do something sexy and X rated. Ahhhh, life is good. Its like having an interview and a link to a good scene, without the hassle of actually having to click on a link once the interview is over. I wish more extras were like this. The $64,000 question is Can a disc with nothing but extras be interesting? Read on, intrepid porn fans. The Cast: Well now, lets see who the video virgins are today We have, for your interviewing pleasure, Vanity, Taylor, Debbie, and Mimi. I guess when you make more than one movie theyre allowed to give you a last name. Oh, there is also Victoria Del Rio as one of the interviewees, and Jewel De Nyle drops in for a snack. Technically, Mimi is not a video virgin as she was in Volume 1, but Im not going to really complain.
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Boxcover for Interactive Mind Teaser
Interactive Mind Teaser 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 5/11/2000

Starring: Zoe, Kobe Tai, Mia, Stacy, Caroline, Crystal, Victoria, Envy, Kira, Lisa Comshaw, Kira Kener, Anna, Jordan, Stella
Studio: Vivid

Review brief: The Plot: Every now and then we have to change the old paradigms and realize that something new is in the air. Witness exhibit A: Vivids Interactive Mind Teazzer. It really defies classification. Its not a compilation, its not a gonzo and it certainly doesnt have a plot. How do we define such a beast? I think if I were able, I would classify this disc as an amusing toy. It's either that, or classify it as "drink coaster". The Cast: Its nice to see that Vivid is rotating out some of the faces (and bodies) that weve all grown to love in favor of some less-exposed talent. Some of the old crowd is here: Kobe Tai, Kira Kenner, Lisa Comshaw. There is a whole gamut of first-name-only Vivid girls here: Zoe, Doria, Mia, Stella, Crystal, Stacy, Jordan, etc. etc. etc. Most of the girls are artificially inflated, but I didnt see any that were awful in execution. The guys are represented by um there are none. I really have only a couple comments about the cast here: Somebody needs to feed Kobe Tai, and Kira Kenner is an excellent dancer.
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Boxcover for Deep Inside Ginger Lynn (VCA)
Deep Inside Ginger Lynn (VCA) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 5/2/2000

Starring: Ginger Lynn, Paul Thomas, Ron Jeremy, Cindy Brookes, Shane Taylor, Harry Hardwood
Studio: VCA

Review brief: The Plot: Oh boy, thats a tough one is there plot on this disc? Well, kind of. There is a plot of sorts, but this really is more of a compilation disc than anything else. There is plot for each scene, but its never part of a cohesive whole. Its like watching the Club Massacre from the beginning of Blade, the boarding of the plane from Passenger 57, and the final inning from Major League on a Wesley Snipes compilation disc. Is there a plot? Sure, but you dont see much of it. Im just going to address the plots in the scene breakdown; its really not worth it from here. The Cast: You know, those of us who are old enough to remember the Golden Age of Porn (i.e., old farts like myself) have fond memories for the great stars of the years gone by. These warriors of the sexual age were the few warm bodies who were able to rise above the tab A into slot B routine and show us how much fun sex could be. The unsung heroes of our sexual education, they were there in our parents closet, in their bottom drawers and under their beds.
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Boxcover for Wanted (DaViD)
Wanted (DaViD) 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 4/24/2000

Starring: Michael J. Cox, Tom Byron, Misty Rain, Shelby Stevens, Vanessa Chase, Debi Diamond, Tera Heart, Olivia
Studio: DaViD

Review brief: The Plot: Ah, plot! Acting! Dialogue! All the fun things that makes watching a finely crafted porn movie so enjoyable (apart from nut-busting sex). See how the cast of young professionals project their feelings through the fine art of acting Marvel at the pieces of a complex plot snick together with the precision of a fine watch Just do it somewhere else because you are not going to find it in this movie! Our movie revolves around the receptionists at MatchMakers, Inc., a dating service. The lady receptionist strives to set up dates for the clients and wonders who the mysterious caller is who flatters her while she sits and sets up appointments. In particular, she sets up appointments for Sam and Chris. After chatting with the mailman, she turns over the desk to the gentleman who fucks the cleaning lady and incidentally sets up appointments, too. I need a job like this. During the afterglow, he accidentally confirms Sam and Chris for the wrong clients. So Chris will go to Sams intended rendezvous and vice versa.
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Boxcover for Chloe's I Came Did You?!!
Chloe's I Came Did You?!! 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 4/18/2000

Starring: Ruby, Chloe, Tina Tyler, Johnni Black, Jewel Valmont, Shelbee Myne, Cleo Nicholle
Studio: Elegant Angel

Review brief: The Plot: Heh heh heh What plot? Chloe and her friends spend the day having sex. A lot of sex. Strong sex, wet sex, fast sex if it takes a lot of energy, they do it. There really isnt a plot to speak of, but who cares? The single overriding theme is to provide you with hot sex. Kind of makes this part of the review boring, but what can I say? The Cast: Chloe is the real winner here, with the most scenes and the best performances. If you are at all familiar with her movies, you know that she is um passionate in her sex scenes. Very passionate. Energetic. Okay, maybe she cums like a shock wave is a better description. It is always a treat to watch her lose higher brain functions and scream in orgasm. Everybody wants a partner like Chloe at least once in his or her lives. Ruby, Tina Tyler, Shelbee Myne, Johnni Black, Jewel Valmont and Chloes sister Cleo in her first performance. The guys are represented by Kyle Stone, Justin Kase, Ian Daniels, Toni Tedeschi and Pat Myne.
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Boxcover for Scenes From the Oral Office
Scenes From the Oral Office 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 4/9/2000

Starring: Aja, Ian Daniels, Kyle Stone, Mila, Raquel Devine, Phyllisha Anne, Dick Nasty, Buck Adams, Halli Aston, Jack Hammer, Amber, Greta Carlson, Jay Ashley, Blade, Herschel Savage
Studio: Digital Playground

Review brief: Ah, politics. No other topic raises so many opinions, emotions and discussion than politics (well, maybe a good debate on Ford vs. Chevy). This movie smacks of politics (duh) and it playfully thumbs its proverbial nose at the entire mess. Alas, poor Darkmage lives in the Washington DC area, so for me escaping politics is roughly as easy as escaping gravity: You can do it, but it takes a lot of effort. Politics infests everything we do here. Hell, the rush hour traffic depends on federal politics. However, I review porn, not politics, so I will make a giant leap for pornkind and try my best to keep my personal opinions of Slick Willie and the Capitol Hill Misfits out of this review. Wish me luck. The Plot: Okay, hows this for a porn plot? The President of the United States, the most powerful man in the free world, has sexual relations with one of his not-particularly-attractive interns. The public finds out about it due to the actions of a loose-lipped friend of the intern who blabs to the Justice Department.
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Boxcover for Still Insatiable
Still Insatiable 

Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/29/2000

Starring: Steve Hatcher, Julian, Stacy Valentine, Kylie Ireland, Chloe, Juli Ashton, Vicca, Tyce Bune, Mr. Marcus, Julian St. Jox, Marilyn Chambers, Nikita, Jack Garfield
Studio: VCA

Directed by: Veronica Hart
Review brief: The Plot: Whee! Lots of plot, lots of dialogue, and lots of characters. Ah, porn at it's finest. So what if we've seen the plot before? I'll bet you won't see it done as well for a long time. Our movie follows the adventures of Senator Ballworth, an obvious homage to the movie Bullworth (another excellent film, I must say), who is on a crusade against smut and porn. While on the way to a fundraiser, the esteemed senator decides to view one of her visual aides, a porno tape called Still Insatiable . The movie features a young couple who are in a sex booth performing for some actor with the wrong agent (heh). After arriving at the fundraiser, she reaffirms her commitment to the end of smut while her chauffer keeps the engine and internals warm in the parking lot (hey it got me hot, I suspect the engine block was nice and toasty). After doing the dog and pony show for the contributors, the senator goes home and decides to seduce the bodyguard. Quick tip, you probably aren't supposed to stay that close to your client.
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